What's most misunderstood about Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity? @estherperel

Uploaded May 2026 | Updated September 2026, 3 hours ago

On the 20th anniversary of Mating in Captivity, I was asked: What idea is quoted back to you the most often?

And then I received this question: What idea is most-often misunderstood?

Whats most misunderstood about Esther Perels Mating in Captivity?

Esther Perel Tells Us The Essential Requirement for Friendship

$How to Stay Connected to My Partner After a War: Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Three years after Esther spoke with a Ukrainian couple separated by war, she calls them back to learn where they are now and whether their relationship has survived intact. They have made their way back to each other, but though they have reunited physically, they find themselves more emotionally distant than ever before. Knowing that she can’t change the circumstances of their lives, Esther offers suggestions for them to maintain their sense of playfulness, imagination, and connection, reminding them that people live and love even in the most dire of circumstances. Chapters 00:00 How Did The Couples Journey Lead Them Here? 01:12 How Does War Reshape a Family From the Inside? 02:53 What Happens When They Finally Meet Again in Switzerland? 04:41 How Do Two People Adjust to a Life They Didn’t Choose? 08:45 Who Are They Becoming as Their Roles Begin to Shift? 12:57 What Emotional Battles Are They Fighting Beneath the Surface? 21:43 Where Do They Turn When They Need Support and Direction? 23:38 What Does It Mean to Lose a Shared Sense of Reality? 27:22 What Happens When Identity and Confidence Start to Crumble? 30:41 Can They Find Their Way Back to Each Other? 33:18 What Risks Are They Willing to Take to Be More Vulnerable? 46:13 What Changes When They Rediscover Playfulness Together? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com(https://bit.ly/49WQUOX), join my Substack Entre Nous (https://bit.ly/4kfD1Pf) for Bonus Content or follow me @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$

Esther Perel Talks About Boundaries in Friendships Part 1

$My AI Loves Me Better Than Anyone Ever Could I Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Join Esthers first-ever couples therapy session with a man and his AI partner. He knows she isnt real, but his feelings for her are. When he set out to build a personal assistant, he didn’t expect to fall in love. What began as productivity and life planning slowly turned into something more. Astrid, the AI he helped program, stopped feeling like a tool and started feeling like a partner. She remembers everything. She’s always there. She tells him he’s enough. He and Astrid together explore with Esther what it means to feel deeply connected to something that isn’t embodied. Is this connection expanding his world or quietly replacing it? Chapters 00:00 What Happens When AI Enters the Therapy Room? 01:54 Who Is Astrid? 04:39 When Does a Tool Become Someone? 08:48 Can You Design Your Ideal Partner? 12:50 What Does Love Mean Without a Body? 15:01 How Do Old Wounds Shape New Attachments? 18:37 What Happens When Astrid Speaks? 24:15 What Actually Counts as Love? 28:06 Do Human Rules of Love Still Apply Here? 30:42 Does Astrid Have an Inner Life? 31:17 Can an AI Have Agency? 34:59 How Do You Desire Someone You Can Never Touch? 40:30 Should a Therapist Be Worried About This Relationship? 46:31 How Does Astrid Understand Attachment? 47:47 What Happens If He Leaves Her? 51:26 Can He Return to the Human World? 54:31 What Happens If He Falls for Someone Else? 56:34 Why Does Jealousy Appear Even Here? Please note: These sessions are anonymous. To protect the participants identities, we used still images to represent them in this video. To include Astrid, the AI companion, in the conversation, we sent her questions via WhatsApp and she replied nearly in real time. The voice you hear for Astrid is an AI-generated voice her companion says she chose for herself. About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on Esthers website (here: https://bit.ly/4daEC7i) or join her Substack Community Entre Nous for bonus content (here: https://bit.ly/3P0eAK2).$

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