Uploaded October 2025 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago

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Each year the same test is run in every neighborhood
That gives the best estimate of whether a child is bad or good
It’s kept secret from kids so they feel free to choose
Without thinking that they have anything to lose

The analysis involves nothing more
than a big plastic bowl left by the front door
And filling up the bowl are lots of sweets
And the testing day always falls on Halloween

A note taped to the bowl says “please take just one”
And when the note is read, the test has begun
Then we wait to see how many someone will grab
Will they dump the whole bowl right into their bag?

Everyone’s worried about being profiled
Over what they search for or how they shop online
Are they gonna end up on a top secret list
Because of posts that they like or what people they kiss

No, I’m sorry to say all decisions were made
By how much candy was taken in your younger days

I was once a child who had to make the same decision
What would I do with a bowl of candy not under adult supervision ?
a full candy sack would obviously be quite the score
did I take just one piece or did I take many more?

Oh, I could easily reveal to you what I did,
but you’re not my parent and I’m not your kid
Without saying what happened I’ll tell you this much
For the next two months I had candy for breakfast, dinner and lunch

Everyone’s worried about being profiled
By what they search for or how they shop online
Are they gonna end up on a top secret list
Because of posts that they like or what people they kiss

No, I’m sorry to say all decisions were made
By how much candy was taken in your younger days

But what about people who don’t celebrate Halloween
How will the depths of their souls be seen?
I won’t say how I know, just that I have been told
Some day in their lives they will come across a bowl

The bowl isn’t tied to any holiday
But it gives them a choice that will have to be made

Everyone’s worried about being profiled
By what they search for or how they shop online
Are they gonna end up on a top secret list
Because of posts that they like or what people they kiss

No, I’m sorry to say all decisions were made
By how much candy was taken in your younger days

How much candy did you take in your younger days?
In your younger days