Uploaded January 2026 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
Okay.
Just so everybody’s comfortable.
We’re gonna go over the rules.
They’re very simple rules.
They are not new rules.
I’m having a party.
You came to the party.
That means I like you enough
To let you near my snacks.
There’s a bowl on the table.
That bowl is for everybody.
That’s the community dip.
We can all dip here now.
Now if you’re nervous about mouths
Or double dipping or angles or timing or trust
You can tell me quietly
I won’t make it weird
I will get you
Your own little bowl
Your very own dip
Like a houseplant
That belongs to you
Community dip
Your own dip
Those are the options
Those are the choices
There is a third dip
But it’s not a choice
My wife has her own dip.
She doesn’t want any of our guests to have to wait if she were dipping at the large bowl
So she has her own container
She doesn’t mind sharing, she’s polite.
She’s encouraging.
She might even tilt the bowl a little.
That does not mean anything.
If you dip in her dip once
I’m gonna say something
Very calm
Very slow
Something like
“Hey.”
“Don’t.”
And you’ll know
From the tone
That I am not improvising.
Community dip
Your own dip
That’s it.
That’s the list.
Let’s recap.
Community dip
Yes.
Your own dip
Absolutely.
Her dip
No.
Oh, This isn’t about blame.
This isn’t about temptation.
I married her knowing
She’s often nicer than a situation requires.
Second time you do it
We stop pretending
We put our coats on
Like adults
We go behind the garage
I’m angry
I’m also curious
About which one of us
Is stronger
Community dip
Your own dip
I’ll bring it to you
I’m a generous host
Anything else
Leads us to a social experiment
With medical professionals
Standing by
So enjoy the party.
Enjoy the chips.
Enjoy the system.
It’s a good system.
And it doesn’t have to go any other way.
Okay.
Just so everybody’s comfortable.
We’re gonna go over the rules.
They’re very simple rules.
They are not new rules.
I’m having a party.
You came to the party.
That means I like you enough
To let you near my snacks.
There’s a bowl on the table.
That bowl is for everybody.
That’s the community dip.
We can all dip here now.
Now if you’re nervous about mouths
Or double dipping or angles or timing or trust
You can tell me quietly
I won’t make it weird
I will get you
Your own little bowl
Your very own dip
Like a houseplant
That belongs to you
Community dip
Your own dip
Those are the options
Those are the choices
There is a third dip
But it’s not a choice
My wife has her own dip.
She doesn’t want any of our guests to have to wait if she were dipping at the large bowl
So she has her own container
She doesn’t mind sharing, she’s polite.
She’s encouraging.
She might even tilt the bowl a little.
That does not mean anything.
If you dip in her dip once
I’m gonna say something
Very calm
Very slow
Something like
“Hey.”
“Don’t.”
And you’ll know
From the tone
That I am not improvising.
Community dip
Your own dip
That’s it.
That’s the list.
Let’s recap.
Community dip
Yes.
Your own dip
Absolutely.
Her dip
No.
Oh, This isn’t about blame.
This isn’t about temptation.
I married her knowing
She’s often nicer than a situation requires.
Second time you do it
We stop pretending
We put our coats on
Like adults
We go behind the garage
I’m angry
I’m also curious
About which one of us
Is stronger
Community dip
Your own dip
I’ll bring it to you
I’m a generous host
Anything else
Leads us to a social experiment
With medical professionals
Standing by
So enjoy the party.
Enjoy the chips.
Enjoy the system.
It’s a good system.
And it doesn’t have to go any other way.
