Uploaded September 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
For a long time, the dominant parenting model was built around obedience. The thinking was that children need discipline first, rules, consequences, enforcement, and that structure alone would shape them into successful, well-behaved adults. Discipline had its place, but it was treated as the starting point rather than something built on top of a deeper foundation.
What's become clearer since then, especially through attachment theory, is that a child's primary need isn't obedience. It's safety and connection. Kids do need structure eventually, but what they need first is empathy, nurture, and a relationship that feels safe before any of the discipline piece can actually do what it's meant to do.
This shows up in a lot of religious upbringings too. Many churches presented God primarily through that same first model, an authority figure focused on obedience and discipline, without much emphasis on connection or nurturing love. If that's the only model a person is given, it's easy to grow up understanding rules and consequences far better than safety and attachment, both with God and with other people.
Recognizing that the model itself may have been incomplete, not just the way it was carried out, can be an important part of understanding where certain patterns around safety, trust, and connection actually started.
This is from @lisamtickel's channel - check out the full video on YouTube here: youtube.com/watch?v=O7-qsKntM2Y
For a long time, the dominant parenting model was built around obedience. The thinking was that children need discipline first, rules, consequences, enforcement, and that structure alone would shape them into successful, well-behaved adults. Discipline had its place, but it was treated as the starting point rather than something built on top of a deeper foundation.
What's become clearer since then, especially through attachment theory, is that a child's primary need isn't obedience. It's safety and connection. Kids do need structure eventually, but what they need first is empathy, nurture, and a relationship that feels safe before any of the discipline piece can actually do what it's meant to do.
This shows up in a lot of religious upbringings too. Many churches presented God primarily through that same first model, an authority figure focused on obedience and discipline, without much emphasis on connection or nurturing love. If that's the only model a person is given, it's easy to grow up understanding rules and consequences far better than safety and attachment, both with God and with other people.
Recognizing that the model itself may have been incomplete, not just the way it was carried out, can be an important part of understanding where certain patterns around safety, trust, and connection actually started.
This is from @lisamtickel's channel - check out the full video on YouTube here: youtube.com/watch?v=O7-qsKntM2Y
