Uploaded November 2006 | Updated September 2026, 2 hours ago
A comedian rants about how much it sucks to play Pachelbel's Canon in D on a cello. Recorded live at Penn State, this piece by comedian/musician Rob Paravonian has been a favorite on the Dr. Demento Show.
Visit Rob at: http://RobPRocks.com, fb.com/RobPRocks, or twitter.com/RobPRocks
A comedian rants about how much it sucks to play Pachelbel's Canon in D on a cello. Recorded live at Penn State, this piece by comedian/musician Rob Paravonian has been a favorite on the Dr. Demento Show.
Visit Rob at: http://RobPRocks.com, fb.com/RobPRocks, or twitter.com/RobPRocks
![[Who Charted?] All About That Bass](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/JosHaXLp9WY/mqdefault.jpg "[Who Charted?] All About That Bass
Rob P. reviews Meghan Trainor’s hit All About That Bass")
![Satanic Panic [Official Lyric Video]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/KCAH9zTCMZE/mqdefault.jpg "Satanic Panic [Official Lyric Video]
From the album The American Songbook: Redacted by Rob Paravonian
Check out album on bandcamp: https://robprocks.bandcamp.com/album/the-american-songbook-redacted
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/0gx9MayBjKdRao6azDRWLG
Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/the-american-songbook-redacted/1646865974
or buy an actual, physical CD at my online store! https://robprocks.com/product/the-american-songbook-redacted/
Background
In the 80s & 90s cops, news anchors, and Geraldo Rivera were convinced Satanic Cults were regularly abducting and killing people all over the world. People went to jail, lives were ruined, and warning labels started showing up on rock records. That there was never any corroborating evidence didnt seem to bother anyone.
Articles mentioned at the end:
New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1993/05/17/remembering-satan-part-i
CBC Podcast: https://www.cbc.ca/listen/cbc-podcasts/472-satanic-panic
Witch Hunt movie: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1196112/?ref tt_urv
Capital Daily https://www.capitaldaily.ca/news/satanic-ritual-abuse-michelle-remembers-lawrence-pazder-victoria
Lyrics:
You got someone to interrogate
Their stories are boring, it’s not going great
Tell them they gotta give you more
If they don’t give you demons don’t let them out the door
Maybe slip them some occult information
Let them imagine, invite speculation
Tell them they could never take it too far
Cuz you learned about this a one-day seminar
Satanic Panic!
Everyone needs a foe
You wanna feel right, you need someone to fight
And the devil is the devil you know
Satanic Panic!
Seek him and you shall find
That the devil is everywhere
Cuz he’s coming out of your mind (what, are you blind?!)
We’re terrified of corrupting youth
So afraid we don’t have time for the truth
So we take our fears and pin them all
On some sort of super secret global cabal
We’ll subject everything to our devil inspection
Movies and games, our kids’ record collection
And if we don’t find what we need in the lyrics
F*** it, play it backwards maybe then we can hear it
Satanic Panic!
See the world through this paranoid view
Dungeons and Dragons, that freak Bilbo Baggins
Hell, Yoda’s prob’ly in on it too
Satanic Panic!
He’ll show up if you just say his name
You sit on your sofa while Geraldo and Oprah
Pump hysteria straight to your brain
Bad things in this world aren’t a mystery
Take a look at all of human history
Looking for trauma? You won’t have far to search
You can find some caused by the catholic church
(or a wrestling program, or a gymnastics program. Look, I’m not saying all of those things, but some, and any is too many. And my point is its not international devil cults or Hollywood billionaires underneath a pizza parlor. Its people. Sometimes people suck!)
Satanic Panic!
No evidence is ever found
Life is confusing but when you’re accusing
It feels like you’re on moral high ground
Satanic Panic!
It’ll leave your logic impaired
When stories are ominous something flips on in us
And we cant stop running scared
When stories are ominous something flips on in us
And we cant stop running scared")
![Buffet, Oh Yeah! [Live Album Lyric Video]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LfcOsZAcHWM/mqdefault.jpg "Buffet, Oh Yeah! [Live Album Lyric Video]
Comedian and songwriter Rob Paravonian (the Pachelbel Rant guy) busts out some dope lyrics about how much he loves buffets!
This lyric video is made from Rob’s live concert album “Rob P. Rocks a Jazz Club,” released in January, 2019, and it’s full of clever lyrics and good music. Check it out on iTunes! https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/rob-p-rocks-a-jazz-club-live/1449305498
You want the lyrics? You can’t HANDLE the lyrics!
I’m sorry, you can totally handle the lyrics, here you go:
Buffet! Oh, yay!
First course, eat like a horse,
Im a force to be reckoned with
You dont know who you messin’ with
My food gets a blessing with
Ranch dressing, pour it on by the ladle
with a dose so high your doctor says its fatal
From the cradle to the grave
big food is all I crave
When I see it all lined up
I don’t know how to behave
I gotta get my moneys worth so I’ll surf and turf
And eat til I burst and take some home in my purse
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
I paid once I’m gonna stay all day
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
Look at all the plates that I can fit on my tray
Buffet! Oh, yay!
How much food can a human put away?
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
I think I ate too much ’cause I can’t feel my legs
Everything thing needs to be tried
every entrée and side
I will let it inside me if its breaded and fried
Why decide? Take it all,
everything is included
Every tray should be looted
until your body’s polluted
If you computed all the calories that you’re throwing down
It’s probably enough to equal twenty-five pounds
But drown out the haters
you can deal with them later
There’s no one here to stop you
’cause the place has no waiters
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
Ill attack that line like a Green Beret
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
at the Youre gonna get run over if you get in my way
Buffet! Oh, yay!
Eating is a special skill on my resumé
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
If I don eat it theyre just gonna throw it away
And I didn’t even mention
dessert has its own section
When I finish all the entrees
I head straight in that direction
My affection for cakes and pies is so high
That my eyes are bigger than my butt
has ever been wide
There’s a chocolate fountain I enjoy so much
I think Im sinnin’
Especially since all the chirren
put their fingers in it
Every minute I have access to this bountiful spread
Is a minute I dont spend my life drowning in dread
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
This place is like a church and I come here to pray
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
When I see this much food I go totally cray!
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
If they run out of food I’m gonna eat the display
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
Don’t judge me this is my cheat day!")
![Gray Area [Style Parody of Blurred LInes]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Lhf_1TyhXm0/mqdefault.jpg "Gray Area [Style Parody of Blurred LInes]
The Blurred Lines verdict has generated a lot of blog posts and editorials, and now a music video! I totally ripped off Robin Thicke, Marvin Gaye, Ben E. King, Melle Mel and possibly the Zombies.
Here are the lyrcs and such:
“E’rbody lawyer up.
Have I heard this before?
No, it’s just different enough.
Are you sure?
Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Word!”
When you hear this song you might get the feeling
You’ve heard something before, and you might think I’m stealing
Maybe it’s an accident or my inspiration
We’ll never really know until there’s some litigation
It’s a gray area ‘cause everybody’s blurring the lines
“Musicologist? No, I go to a musichiatrist. They can prescribe drugs.”
If you steal a song it can be a disaster
That’s why you have to pay if you ever use a master
“That’s sampling”
But when you steal the notes that’s called plagiarism
“No, no, no, no!”
And we always argue about when it is or isn’t
It’s a gray area ‘cause everybody’s blurring the lines
“Is that my line?
I thought it was my line?
No.
Who’s line is it anyway?
Brady!”
It’s a gray area surrounding you
It’s a gray area you’re gonna get sued
It’s a gray area things are hard to prove
When can anyone say that they own a groove?
“Mein grooven!”
Stealing a classic song was never my intention
“Are you sure about that?”
But I was high on pills and not paying attention
“That I believe”
And we sang a different tune that everyone was hummin’
It’s not like we were 2 Live Crew singing Pretty Woman
“Oh snap!”
It’s a gray area ‘cause everybody’s blurring the lines
“How many musicians are on the Supreme Court?
I think they have a jug band”
It’s a gray area it sucks to be in it
It’s a gray area I wrote this song in 30 minutes
“Put in more time!”
It’s a gray area we all make deals
Cause even if you win we’re gonna file an appeal
They hired me to rap so I’m just talking
You try to sue me I’ll just start walking
I don’t care, I didn’t write this track
They emailed it to me I drop-boxed it back
It’s the worst 16 you ever heard
If something won’t rhyme I make up words
Pariboo? What’s Pariboo?
Sounds like a pet name made up for yours true
That’s o.k. I’m on a hot streak
This is the 9th track I’m featured on this week
I don’t know if it’s worth all this hysteria
It’s not black and white it’s a big gray area
It’s a gray area vision dreams of passion, baby
It’s a gray area, have I heard that before? Maybe
It’s a gray area where we all live
Is this illegal or just derivative?
“A little from column A, a little from column B”
It’s a gray area nobody has the answer
It’s a gray area I couldn’t afford nude dancers
Aww.
It’s a gray area and that’s no joke
Next time I rip off something it’s gonna be Baroque")
![F*** You John Bolton [Lyric Video]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MHdbW_FQ_1E/mqdefault.jpg "F*** You John Bolton [Lyric Video]
Some musical thoughts on John Bolton and his new book “The Room Where it Happened.”
Lyrics:
F*** you John Bolton
F*** you John Bolton
F*** you John Bolton, I won’t buy your stupid book
You’re beyond revoltin’
For the facts you’ve been withholding
So f*** you John Bolton, I won’t buy your stupid book
He said that he was in the room
where everything occurred
He noted all the gloom and doom
but when asked he just demurred
When there was something he could do
he didn’t testify
He said, “I think I’ll write a book!
to deliver all the dish
About abetting total crooks
I’m such a little bish
A big cash advance I took
and hung my country out to dry
F*** you John Bolton
F*** you John Bolton
F*** you John Bolton, I won’t buy your stupid book
You could’ve told ‘em
While all this was unfolding
So f*** you John Bolton, I won’t buy your stupid book
You knew that a-hole was unfit
but you let it slide
To do the neo-right wing shit
that you could pull off from inside
You got yours and then you quit
(or got fired) and then walked away whistling
You knew the danger in our midst
but you looked the other way
Your chance for decency was missed
you own the way things are today
You covered for the arsonist
So to now play the fireman just leaves us bristling
F*** you John Bolton
F*** you John Bolton
F*** you John Bolton, I won’t buy your stupid book.
It’s too late to be scoldin’
The tyrant you’ve emboldened
So f*** you John Bolton, I won’t buy your stupid book.")
![Drug Company Price Gouging as a 90s Infomercial [52 Sellout Week 37]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MVI8N1d8ik0/mqdefault.jpg "Drug Company Price Gouging as a 90s Infomercial [52 Sellout Week 37]
Everyone hates Pharma Bro, but what if we present his scheme as a 90s money-making infomercial? Would he still seem as horrible and hatable? Yeah, probably.")
