Uploaded May 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
In the chaotic final days of the court-ordered liquidation of his Infowars studios, a shell-shocked Alex Jones was packing up when Onion reporters, there to document the spectacle, pried open a dusty safe labeled “DO NOT OPEN—THEY’RE WATCHING.” they expected stacks of survival buckets and expired brain supplements, not a unlabeled 180-gram vinyl titled Globalist Pitbulls: Live from the Bunker. Side A opened with Jones in full throat-shredding metal mode, howling “THEY’RE PUTTING CHEMICALS IN THE WATER THAT TURN THE FROGS G.Y… AND ALSO MAKE THEM HEADBANG” over a wall of distorted riffs that somehow sounded exactly like an emergency broadcast alert having an aneurysm. By the time the band (credited only as “The Lizard People on Drums”) launched into a breakdown called “I’m Not Crazy, You’re Just Interdimensional,” the Onion staffers were openly moshing next to a stack of unsold Super Male Vitality while Jones himself stood frozen in the doorway, whispering, “They weren’t supposed to find the good one.”
In the chaotic final days of the court-ordered liquidation of his Infowars studios, a shell-shocked Alex Jones was packing up when Onion reporters, there to document the spectacle, pried open a dusty safe labeled “DO NOT OPEN—THEY’RE WATCHING.” they expected stacks of survival buckets and expired brain supplements, not a unlabeled 180-gram vinyl titled Globalist Pitbulls: Live from the Bunker. Side A opened with Jones in full throat-shredding metal mode, howling “THEY’RE PUTTING CHEMICALS IN THE WATER THAT TURN THE FROGS G.Y… AND ALSO MAKE THEM HEADBANG” over a wall of distorted riffs that somehow sounded exactly like an emergency broadcast alert having an aneurysm. By the time the band (credited only as “The Lizard People on Drums”) launched into a breakdown called “I’m Not Crazy, You’re Just Interdimensional,” the Onion staffers were openly moshing next to a stack of unsold Super Male Vitality while Jones himself stood frozen in the doorway, whispering, “They weren’t supposed to find the good one.”
