Uploaded March 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
1. Name the pattern you’re experiencing
“I’m sensing some tension, but I’m also getting mixed signals. I want to understand. Can we speak directly about what’s going on?”
2. Set a healthy boundary
“I want to resolve this when we can both communicate honestly. Let’s take a break and come back to it.”
3. Reward directness when it happens
“Thank you for expressing that feeling directly. It helps me feel close to you.”
Remember, it’s not your job to do emotional guesswork, chase, or beg the passive aggressive person to be forthcoming with their feelings.
You can prioritize your own experience and set boundaries so that you’re not allowing yourself to be drained by the pattern.
And if this resonated with you, hit the subscribe button for more relationship tips and scripts from an experienced therapist!
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
🌸 Up-level your impact and achieve your goals: terricole.com/flourish
📚 Boundary Boss Book: boundarybossbook.com
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
📚 Get my books:
Boundary Boss Book: amzn.to/44DZID9
The Boundary Boss Workbook: amzn.to/3Ra7CRU
Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency: hfcbook.com
🪔 Meditate with me:
Insight Timer: https://insig.ht/cpKnbJB4KDb (I have a bunch of free meditations on here and love this app!)
Connect With Me
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
1. Name the pattern you’re experiencing
“I’m sensing some tension, but I’m also getting mixed signals. I want to understand. Can we speak directly about what’s going on?”
2. Set a healthy boundary
“I want to resolve this when we can both communicate honestly. Let’s take a break and come back to it.”
3. Reward directness when it happens
“Thank you for expressing that feeling directly. It helps me feel close to you.”
Remember, it’s not your job to do emotional guesswork, chase, or beg the passive aggressive person to be forthcoming with their feelings.
You can prioritize your own experience and set boundaries so that you’re not allowing yourself to be drained by the pattern.
And if this resonated with you, hit the subscribe button for more relationship tips and scripts from an experienced therapist!
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
🌸 Up-level your impact and achieve your goals: terricole.com/flourish
📚 Boundary Boss Book: boundarybossbook.com
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
📚 Get my books:
Boundary Boss Book: amzn.to/44DZID9
The Boundary Boss Workbook: amzn.to/3Ra7CRU
Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency: hfcbook.com
🪔 Meditate with me:
Insight Timer: https://insig.ht/cpKnbJB4KDb (I have a bunch of free meditations on here and love this app!)
Connect With Me
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
