Uploaded November 2012 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago

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"What happened to the young boy who came into my chambers all those years ago?"

SPOILERS for 5x05!

Last episode was one giant angsty mess...and once again, so much pain (albeit very much self-inflicted this time) for my poor Merlin.
I titled the video this way because while waiting for the episode to download on Saturday night, I was randomly rifling through old episodes and stumbled upon 3x11; then, in the aftershock of the new episode, I realized how sadly fitting Gilli's words to Merlin were for his predicament in "The Disir", where he chose to deny his very self -- magic -- thinking it would protect his destiny, only to realize his double mistake (even with the sad consequences, my inner classical-student soul can't help but be gleeful about noticing the Greek tragedy mechanism here -- you want to avoid something, you end up making it happen).
Merlin has given up so much for his destiny...every affection he had that happened to go against it he let it go (Morgana, Freya), and in this episode we could clearly see how he is letting go of parts of himself even, in order to achieve his bigger goal. Gaius's question about where that boy we knew had gone, with his innocence, his endless trust in others and will to help everyone, never wanting to hurt anyone...gave me chills, because Merlin really has changed so much from then, so much that he would gladly let someone die now because of an uncertain future he has glimpsed -- when it was him who once told Kilgharrah that "the future isn't set in stone". I found it really depressing to see how calculating he was being towards Mordred -- he really is not much different from Morgana now. he way he answered "He grew up", the exact same way as Morgana did to Arthur's question "What happened to you?" in 5x02, was chilling too; these two are just way more similar than they would like to admit.
I have the dreadful feeling now that Mordred really is loyal to Arthur, but all this mistrust Merlin is showing him just because of the prophecy will end up causing something that will turn him against Camelot...much in the same way his refusal to share knowledge of his powers did Morgana, and all of that because, among other things, that damned dragon (so much hate for his stupid advice, really!) kept telling him that she was evil even before she actually did anything.
Nonetheless, it's quite understandable that, after all he's seen -- well, especially him who has seen more than everyone else! -- Merlin would start progressively losing his innocence; and I like how there are more grey areas to the characters to explore now, it makes everything more believable and interesting, and I salute the writers for that. Still, constantly editing with the old episodes, my heart cries for the old times when our OT4 was so young and innocent and full of hope and trust and love...*big sigh*

Gosh, end of the rant here! I just needed to get part of my mixed feelings out of my chest, sorry ^^'' I will only just add that in that fireplace scene Colin was AMAZING. Like really, I shouldn't be surprised anymore that he's that good at acting, but he blows me away every single time! I could hear my heart breaking along with Merlin's. Damn, there's my favourite actor *-*

Hope you like the video despite my depressive nonsense above! :)

Music: "Last Agni-Kai" & "Reconciliation" from the amazing soundtrack of Avatar: the Last Airbender (thank you Ele for dragging me into this other fantastic fandom! :3)
Clips: Merlin, s.1-5 + 4.02 deleted scene (seriously, writers, we need to talk. Why would you delete that meaningful Merlin/Lancelot talk? :O also, stealing some of Santiago's already too short screen-time on Merlin is a real crime!)

I quite obviously only own my editing here. No copyright infringement intended!
#merlin #thedisir