Esther Perel Tells Cosmopolitan's Willa Bennett Why People Cheat and Why We Obsess Over It @estherperel

Uploaded July 2025 | Updated September 2026, 14 minutes ago

The “Coldplay couple” has dominated social media, traditional media, and inspired as many reenactments as any viral meme. But despite hundreds of millions of impressions and countless videos with commentary, we’re still left to ask WHY.

WHY is the public obsessed?
WHY do people have affairs when we know and they know it will harm their loved ones?
WHY wouldn’t two people “play it off” and avoid the attention?
WHY do we spotlight and shame people without reprieve, ignoring the toll it could take?

@cosmopolitan editor-in-chief @willahbennett invited Esther Perel, renowned couples therapist, author of The New York Times Bestseller The State of Affairs, (and former Cosmo columnist!), to answer these very questions.

View an extended edition of this chat on Esther’s TikTok.

Esther Perel Tells Cosmopolitans Willa Bennett Why People Cheat and Why We Obsess Over It

Esther Perel on The New York Times Mankeeping Article

$Is Your Partner Using You? I Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Was I used for a visa? She comes to Esther reeling from the end of a five-year relationship marked by love, deceit, and manipulation. After discovering her partner’s infidelities and hearing a therapist describe him as a possible psychopath or narcissist, she struggles to understand what was real. Together, they work to untangle the conflicting truths, rebuild her trust in her own perceptions, and explore how she can approach love with greater clarity. Chapters 00:00 What Makes Relationships So Complicated? 00:55 The Moment Everything Changed 03:10 Looking Back: What Was Real in the Relationship? 04:20 When Did the End Really Begin? 07:05 Love, Visas, and Impossible Choices 09:24 Was This the Breakup That Couldn’t Be Avoided? 15:59 What Happens When the Truth Finally Surfaces? 23:08 When Therapy Gives Conflicting Answers 25:28 How Many Lies Can a Relationship Hold? 27:00 Is Honesty Always the Right Choice? 29:42 How the Therapist’s Own Story Shapes the Work? 33:03 Who Has Power in This Relationship? 35:17 When Your Reality Starts to Feel Unstable 36:37 How Self-Perception Can Save or Sink Us? 40:45 What Does Closure Actually Look Like? 43:18 Why Are Emotions Never Simple? 45:26 Is It Possible to Trust Again? 48:00 What Remains After Everything Is Said? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at https://estherperel.substack.com for bonus content.$

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$You Slept With My Best Friend I Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: The two couples had been inseparable—neighbors, chosen family, godparents to each others children. She reaches out to Esther in despair after discovering that her husband had an affair 10 years ago with her best friend. For a decade, he kept the betrayal hidden while she believed they had built a loving marriage and family. Now shes left questioning whether any of it was real. They both want to stay together, but shes trapped in doubt and grief, while hes desperate to repair what hes broken. What does it take to rebuild a relationship after a betrayal of this magnitude? Chapters 00:00 What Happens After an Affair? 01:23 How Did the Affair Come to Light? 03:36 Is Guilt Keeping You Stuck? 06:38 What Did Childhood Teach Him About Love? 08:18 Does How You Find Out Change Everything? 12:26 Are You Arguing About Facts or Meaning? 15:54 What Was the Affair Really Giving Him? 22:23 Why Did Family History Make This So Much Harder? 24:35 Can Regret Actually Rebuild Trust? 25:57 Can You Stop Trying to Be Everything? 27:54 Is Supermom Mode Getting in the Way? 31:29 What Happens When the Affair Ends but the Energy Doesnt? 32:46 Can Tiny Moments Repair a Relationship? 35:47 What Happens When Anger Finally Has a Voice? 38:19 Why Did This Affair Happen Now? 43:44 What Does a Secret Leave Behind? 47:25 Can Remorse Restore Self Worth? 49:08 What Does Real Repair Actually Look Like? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content.$ $How To Start: Esther Perel in Conversation with Jodi Kantor and Priya Parker Where Should We Begin? As work becomes the place we look for identity, stability, and meaning, the stakes feel higher than ever. Esther invites you in for a live conversation between friends, New York Times journalist Jodi Kantor and facilitator and author Priya Parker. A question echoes through the room: how do you start when you don’t know where you’re going? This is a conversation about uncertainty, ambition, and finding the courage to begin anyway. For Jodi Kantors new book How to Start: Discovering Your Lifes Work visit https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/jodi-kantor/how-to-start/9780316609555/ To pre-order Priya Parkers upcoming book The Art of Fighting: The Transformative Power of Conflict visit https://www.priyaparker.com/priya-parker-books Chapters 00:00 Why Does Starting Feel So Hard? 00:52 What Kind of Space Are We Stepping Into? 03:39 What Do We All Have in Common About Work? 07:30 When Does Risk Become Worth It? 09:33 What Made Jodi Write How to Start? 11:24 Why Is Work Anxiety So High Right Now? 13:56 What Keeps People From Giving Up Too Soon? 15:38 How Did Esther Actually Begin? 19:31 How Did Priya’s Identity Shape Her Path? 22:42 What Happens When Your First Plan Falls Apart? 24:31 Why Does Craft Matter More Than We Think? 28:07 Should You Follow Passion or Build Craft? 29:11 How Do You Actually Practice and Get Better? 30:41 Why Do All Beginnings Feel Awkward? 34:19 How Do You Pair Your Skills With What the World Needs? 36:50 How Do You Stop Waiting and Start Acting? 41:45 How Do You Balance Security and Freedom in Your Career? 45:57 What Should You Take With You as You Begin? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on her website (here: https://bit.ly/4cPOyl4) or join her Substack (here: https://bit.ly/3P0eAK2) for exclusive bonus content.$ $I Told My Friend I Was in Love with Her. She Told Everyone. Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Esther speaks with a young man whose confession of love for a close friend sets off a chain reaction he never expected. After exposing his love, his secret is out, his five-year relationship ends, and his friend group begins to fracture. He is now navigating heartbreak, betrayal, embarrassment, and what feels like the loss of his village. Esther helps him examine the deeper patterns beneath the chaos. Chapters 00:00 What Happens When Love Is Not Returned? 02:05 What Did the Confession Set in Motion? 03:42 How Did This Relationship Begin to Unravel? 06:01 Where Do Doubt and Self Blame Take Hold? 07:31 What Does Closure Look Like When Emotions Are Raw? 09:42 How Do Living Situations Complicate Heartbreak? 17:50 What Does It Mean to Be Exposed by Betrayal? 22:33 What Do We Do With Words We Never Send? 23:03 Can Trust Be Rebuilt After This? 24:46 How Easily Do We Misread Each Other? 25:22 What Happens When We Turn the Lens on Ourselves? 27:03 How Do We Survive Emotional Overwhelm? 30:25 How Do Family Dynamics Deepen the Pain? 31:58 Why Did Family Therapy Fail to Help? 35:25 How Do We Move From Shame Toward Acceptance? 40:32 Can Writing Become a Path to Healing? 43:35 What Comes Next After the Story Ends? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at https://estherperel.substack.com for bonus content.$