Uploaded April 2017 | Updated September 2026, 2 hours ago

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This video is just plain wrong and this crawling baby creeps me out, but it perfectly sums up the confusion I feel whenever I see a baby in a bar. I’m there to get my drink on and now I have to face the infinite wonder and dread of the future that babies evoke?

Album available on iTunes, Amazon, and here at bandcamp: robprocks.bandcamp.com/album/a-b

Special lighting direction shout out to Smokin’ Joseph Fraizer!

Lyrics (they're in the video! But here you go:)

I'm a baby in a bar, everything is so big
Daddy's drinking a beer, he won't give me a swig
This is a great place for me with all this vodka and glass
Every surface is wet, I know that I'll bust my ass

But don't blame my dad, he's not an alcoholic
We've been stuck in the house cuz I got the colic
My tummy hurts because my sphincters don't sphinct
I've been screaming for days and daddy needs him a drink
And I think the bartender’s not happy with me
Because I don't know how to tip and I don't have ID
And the guys here hate me cuz I'm blocking their jocks
By tripping all the ladies’ biological clocks....

I’m a baby in a bar

I'm a baby in a bar, this place used to be cool
But not while I'm sitting here in a puddle of drool
I think I annoy the bartender tonight
When she shakes up a drink I just shriek with delight

I'm getting dirty looks and I guess I deserve it
Maybe they're all jealous of my bottle service
But I think it's cuz I'm ruining their sense of mystique
This neighborhood used to be edgy now it's Sesame Street
But it's not my fault so spare me your scorn
I didn't choose this place I was dragged here in a bjorn
So before you take it out on me stop and think
You all are here to get laid, where do you think that will lead?

To a baby in a bar
I’m a baby in a bar
I’m a baby in a bar