![We will underline any word on any surface! [52 Sellout Week 39] @paravonian](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/JExRIJRI5CE/maxresdefault.jpg)
Uploaded September 2016 | Updated September 2026, 2 hours ago
Get attention! Look important! Be louder than the rest! All with underlining! American Underlining has been underlining words for 50 years!
I’m not sure what to make of this week’s 52 Sellout but for some reason this is the idea I ran with: a company that underlines words. The important thing for a pitch man to remember is to be excited about any product or service no matter how ridiculous it may seem (R.I.P. Billy Mays).
Get attention! Look important! Be louder than the rest! All with underlining! American Underlining has been underlining words for 50 years!
I’m not sure what to make of this week’s 52 Sellout but for some reason this is the idea I ran with: a company that underlines words. The important thing for a pitch man to remember is to be excited about any product or service no matter how ridiculous it may seem (R.I.P. Billy Mays).
![We will underline any word on any surface! [52 Sellout Week 39]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/JExRIJRI5CE/mqdefault.jpg "We will underline any word on any surface! [52 Sellout Week 39]
Get attention! Look important! Be louder than the rest! All with underlining! American Underlining has been underlining words for 50 years!
I’m not sure what to make of this week’s 52 Sellout but for some reason this is the idea I ran with: a company that underlines words. The important thing for a pitch man to remember is to be excited about any product or service no matter how ridiculous it may seem (R.I.P. Billy Mays).")
![Baby in a Bar [Live at The Bell House, BK]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/JdW9pzAdJCk/mqdefault.jpg "Baby in a Bar [Live at The Bell House, BK]
I used to get mad when I saw babies in bars, but then I realized it’s not the baby’s fault, so I wrote this.")
![[Who Charted?] All About That Bass](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/JosHaXLp9WY/mqdefault.jpg "[Who Charted?] All About That Bass
Rob P. reviews Meghan Trainor’s hit All About That Bass")
![Satanic Panic [Official Lyric Video]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/KCAH9zTCMZE/mqdefault.jpg "Satanic Panic [Official Lyric Video]
From the album The American Songbook: Redacted by Rob Paravonian
Check out album on bandcamp: https://robprocks.bandcamp.com/album/the-american-songbook-redacted
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/0gx9MayBjKdRao6azDRWLG
Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/the-american-songbook-redacted/1646865974
or buy an actual, physical CD at my online store! https://robprocks.com/product/the-american-songbook-redacted/
Background
In the 80s & 90s cops, news anchors, and Geraldo Rivera were convinced Satanic Cults were regularly abducting and killing people all over the world. People went to jail, lives were ruined, and warning labels started showing up on rock records. That there was never any corroborating evidence didnt seem to bother anyone.
Articles mentioned at the end:
New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1993/05/17/remembering-satan-part-i
CBC Podcast: https://www.cbc.ca/listen/cbc-podcasts/472-satanic-panic
Witch Hunt movie: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1196112/?ref tt_urv
Capital Daily https://www.capitaldaily.ca/news/satanic-ritual-abuse-michelle-remembers-lawrence-pazder-victoria
Lyrics:
You got someone to interrogate
Their stories are boring, it’s not going great
Tell them they gotta give you more
If they don’t give you demons don’t let them out the door
Maybe slip them some occult information
Let them imagine, invite speculation
Tell them they could never take it too far
Cuz you learned about this a one-day seminar
Satanic Panic!
Everyone needs a foe
You wanna feel right, you need someone to fight
And the devil is the devil you know
Satanic Panic!
Seek him and you shall find
That the devil is everywhere
Cuz he’s coming out of your mind (what, are you blind?!)
We’re terrified of corrupting youth
So afraid we don’t have time for the truth
So we take our fears and pin them all
On some sort of super secret global cabal
We’ll subject everything to our devil inspection
Movies and games, our kids’ record collection
And if we don’t find what we need in the lyrics
F*** it, play it backwards maybe then we can hear it
Satanic Panic!
See the world through this paranoid view
Dungeons and Dragons, that freak Bilbo Baggins
Hell, Yoda’s prob’ly in on it too
Satanic Panic!
He’ll show up if you just say his name
You sit on your sofa while Geraldo and Oprah
Pump hysteria straight to your brain
Bad things in this world aren’t a mystery
Take a look at all of human history
Looking for trauma? You won’t have far to search
You can find some caused by the catholic church
(or a wrestling program, or a gymnastics program. Look, I’m not saying all of those things, but some, and any is too many. And my point is its not international devil cults or Hollywood billionaires underneath a pizza parlor. Its people. Sometimes people suck!)
Satanic Panic!
No evidence is ever found
Life is confusing but when you’re accusing
It feels like you’re on moral high ground
Satanic Panic!
It’ll leave your logic impaired
When stories are ominous something flips on in us
And we cant stop running scared
When stories are ominous something flips on in us
And we cant stop running scared")
![Buffet, Oh Yeah! [Live Album Lyric Video]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LfcOsZAcHWM/mqdefault.jpg "Buffet, Oh Yeah! [Live Album Lyric Video]
Comedian and songwriter Rob Paravonian (the Pachelbel Rant guy) busts out some dope lyrics about how much he loves buffets!
This lyric video is made from Rob’s live concert album “Rob P. Rocks a Jazz Club,” released in January, 2019, and it’s full of clever lyrics and good music. Check it out on iTunes! https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/rob-p-rocks-a-jazz-club-live/1449305498
You want the lyrics? You can’t HANDLE the lyrics!
I’m sorry, you can totally handle the lyrics, here you go:
Buffet! Oh, yay!
First course, eat like a horse,
Im a force to be reckoned with
You dont know who you messin’ with
My food gets a blessing with
Ranch dressing, pour it on by the ladle
with a dose so high your doctor says its fatal
From the cradle to the grave
big food is all I crave
When I see it all lined up
I don’t know how to behave
I gotta get my moneys worth so I’ll surf and turf
And eat til I burst and take some home in my purse
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
I paid once I’m gonna stay all day
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
Look at all the plates that I can fit on my tray
Buffet! Oh, yay!
How much food can a human put away?
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
I think I ate too much ’cause I can’t feel my legs
Everything thing needs to be tried
every entrée and side
I will let it inside me if its breaded and fried
Why decide? Take it all,
everything is included
Every tray should be looted
until your body’s polluted
If you computed all the calories that you’re throwing down
It’s probably enough to equal twenty-five pounds
But drown out the haters
you can deal with them later
There’s no one here to stop you
’cause the place has no waiters
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
Ill attack that line like a Green Beret
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
at the Youre gonna get run over if you get in my way
Buffet! Oh, yay!
Eating is a special skill on my resumé
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
If I don eat it theyre just gonna throw it away
And I didn’t even mention
dessert has its own section
When I finish all the entrees
I head straight in that direction
My affection for cakes and pies is so high
That my eyes are bigger than my butt
has ever been wide
There’s a chocolate fountain I enjoy so much
I think Im sinnin’
Especially since all the chirren
put their fingers in it
Every minute I have access to this bountiful spread
Is a minute I dont spend my life drowning in dread
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
This place is like a church and I come here to pray
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
When I see this much food I go totally cray!
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
If they run out of food I’m gonna eat the display
at the Buffet! Oh, yay!
Don’t judge me this is my cheat day!")
