Uploaded July 2023 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
God, I am so sick of whatever is wrong with my sinuses. we're trying so hard to get a CT scan scheduled, but like, the TINIEST things are getting in the way, like referrals not going through. I feel like I've been punched in the face. at least there's Baby Girl, she's my sanity. I miss Jonnie though. aaaargh my head hurts.
God, I am so sick of whatever is wrong with my sinuses. we're trying so hard to get a CT scan scheduled, but like, the TINIEST things are getting in the way, like referrals not going through. I feel like I've been punched in the face. at least there's Baby Girl, she's my sanity. I miss Jonnie though. aaaargh my head hurts.










![I Finally Have a New Baby!
Ralphie is his name and destroying his possessions is his game.
I want to apologize that Muffins still isnt on my Patreon. I struggle with avoidance, which is a response to trauma. its not a healthy way of dealing with trauma. but since all that stuff happened to me on the computer, I am avoiding the computer, not by choice. trauma changes the brain, and what these people did to me was rewire my brain to associate the computer with danger, which triggers my fight or flight response, and forces me to avoid it. I dont know how to deal with this, not even with therapy. but Ive tried to get on the computer a couple times, but it didnt stick. Ive been doing and posting everything from my phone. Ill always be asking why they did this to me, and Ill want a logical answer, but itll always be for the lulz. I just want my brain to go back to the way it was. I dont want to be afraid of even more things. I have projects to do on the computer, Im wasting my life by avoiding them. Im wasting away. hopefully a new baby will bring in some joy. you have no idea the amount of damage youve done.
the way you treat [people] is what they become. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe I Finally Have a New Baby!](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/zwKQWjgv7D0/mqdefault.jpg)