Uploaded May 2024 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago

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40 Hospital Food
1
I was having chest pains,
In nineteen ninety-seven,
They rushed me to the hospital,
To block my road to heaven.
2
But after passing every test they had,
Including those designed to measure luck,
It was finally decided that,
I had something called acid reflux.
3
Something I didn’t tell them,
Was about my espresso addiction,
Or the cheap wine and Tabasco,
That were resent culinary additions.
4
The doctors were glad to tell me,
All of this good news,
Then they gave me a little chart,
Listing all the things I couldn’t use.
5
Alcohol and tobacco,
Were both gone for evermore,
Hot sauce, tomatoes, and coffee,
And all citrus forever out the door.
6
Pickles and vinegar,
Anything with fat and savor,
Bacon and eggs, and fried potatoes,
Well, they had way too much flavor.
7
Soon my “special diet” lunch came in.
A piece of chicken made of rubber,
And a pile of rice so mean,
It lacked both salt and butter.