Uploaded March 2014 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
We have a special guest to preview Yoshi's new outing for Nintendo 3DS. We hope you enjoy it (unlike us)!
Original video from GameSpot so you know what this is about:
youtube.com/watch?v=-ijxA3JEo-A
Like, share, and subscribe for more.
TRANSCRIPT
===========
Nintendo sure loves to make me suffer. When I think of a cure, I think of something that I've never seen before. Nintendo? Nintendo likes to dust off an old pill from their archive and slap a "new" on it.
I suffer from jaded joyless gamer syndrome. A condition that renders me unable to enjoy a game from Nintendo unless it's a new IP -- and even then, my condition makes it almost impossible for me to notice when they do come out with them.
I've already argued that modern Nintendo isn't that interested in curing me of my autistic neediness. So instead of beating that dead horse to death again, let me instead bitch about this new game from Nintendo that I've already decided to hate the second I saw it announced. Yoshi's New Island.
First of all, look at these characters. Mario? Yoshi? Have we not seen these vile creatures thousands of times before? Could Nintendo not have come up with something unique for a change? Nintendo needs to step it up a notch and give us something like Knack, a new franchise from Sony which proves they're not afraid to develop new characters at the expense of gameplay.
Secondly, the gay as shit health system is back. Listen up Nintendo, hardcore gamers don't want to chase around a baby and listen to him cry when we get hit. We're not women, we don't care about babies. This approach to health is a far cry from superior games like Halo, in which your health is automatically regenerated such as in real life.
Then there's the level design. Because I've never played a platformer in over a decade, I couldn't tell that every level is supposed to be full of secret walls and collectables. You need to lay this shit out in a linear fashion like every other game I've played, or just stop trying. Stop making my eyes tell me lies!
Also, Nintendo, there are children playing this game. When Yoshi transforms into some hideously deformed dinosaur/machine hybrid, their delicate minds could implode, like mine did years back when I first saw Waluigi. Stop murdering childhoods and take responsibility for your character designs.
So there's not much "new" in Yoshi's New Island, but then what did you expect from Nintendo. Those morons need to take cues from Sony and develop as many new IPs as possible and hope to god one of them sticks in people's minds for more than just the month they release in. Because new IP's are the only cure for my disease, and Nintendo is responsible for my health.
I hope this preview has helped and informed you, and as always check back to GameSpot for more biased meandering bullshit.
(Forgive the terrible writing, it's based on Tom McShea's preview!)
We have a special guest to preview Yoshi's new outing for Nintendo 3DS. We hope you enjoy it (unlike us)!
Original video from GameSpot so you know what this is about:
youtube.com/watch?v=-ijxA3JEo-A
Like, share, and subscribe for more.
TRANSCRIPT
===========
Nintendo sure loves to make me suffer. When I think of a cure, I think of something that I've never seen before. Nintendo? Nintendo likes to dust off an old pill from their archive and slap a "new" on it.
I suffer from jaded joyless gamer syndrome. A condition that renders me unable to enjoy a game from Nintendo unless it's a new IP -- and even then, my condition makes it almost impossible for me to notice when they do come out with them.
I've already argued that modern Nintendo isn't that interested in curing me of my autistic neediness. So instead of beating that dead horse to death again, let me instead bitch about this new game from Nintendo that I've already decided to hate the second I saw it announced. Yoshi's New Island.
First of all, look at these characters. Mario? Yoshi? Have we not seen these vile creatures thousands of times before? Could Nintendo not have come up with something unique for a change? Nintendo needs to step it up a notch and give us something like Knack, a new franchise from Sony which proves they're not afraid to develop new characters at the expense of gameplay.
Secondly, the gay as shit health system is back. Listen up Nintendo, hardcore gamers don't want to chase around a baby and listen to him cry when we get hit. We're not women, we don't care about babies. This approach to health is a far cry from superior games like Halo, in which your health is automatically regenerated such as in real life.
Then there's the level design. Because I've never played a platformer in over a decade, I couldn't tell that every level is supposed to be full of secret walls and collectables. You need to lay this shit out in a linear fashion like every other game I've played, or just stop trying. Stop making my eyes tell me lies!
Also, Nintendo, there are children playing this game. When Yoshi transforms into some hideously deformed dinosaur/machine hybrid, their delicate minds could implode, like mine did years back when I first saw Waluigi. Stop murdering childhoods and take responsibility for your character designs.
So there's not much "new" in Yoshi's New Island, but then what did you expect from Nintendo. Those morons need to take cues from Sony and develop as many new IPs as possible and hope to god one of them sticks in people's minds for more than just the month they release in. Because new IP's are the only cure for my disease, and Nintendo is responsible for my health.
I hope this preview has helped and informed you, and as always check back to GameSpot for more biased meandering bullshit.
(Forgive the terrible writing, it's based on Tom McShea's preview!)
