KiwiiChann | yoonkook | ode to flames. [hyyh] @KiwiiChann | Uploaded 5 years ago | Updated 14 minutes ago
"why was it yoongi? i suddenly realised. it was yoongi who saved jungkook. the two had the same look in their eyes."

[/!\ hyyh the notes 1: spoilers /!\] it's mostly angst though so like,,, what's new.

•Watch in 1080p.•


"yoongi stood completely still and looked down at the bird. [...] his hand holding the lighter still hung in the air. he finally dropped his arm, sank down, and covered his head with both hands."

i mean - i could quote the entire book, and i could (i will) eventually make other videos about hyyh. it broke me and fixed me all at the same time.
i fvcking loved it to no end.


this video is a bit uncanny (familiar but new); i was planning on uploading it around may but uni won't let me live. so i changed the way i had wanted to do this and i guess this video could actually be divided in two independent parts. both are still obviously linked with each other and are part of this new mini series i have in mind (starting with my previous video, "dance of souls," and following this journey of soul mysteries that i have with another video that i didn't get the chance to start working on yet).
ode to flames had many other titles, going from "first love" (as an echo to my video "confession" and as a reference to beckett's first love + suga's song first love) to "ode to lost souls." i kinda wrote a poem about this but it's still a work in progress, and i'm not sure where to go with the third video yet, we'll see where time and space take me;

you thudes don't even know how long it's been since i've tried to make a video with an organ instrumental; fINALLY it's here and i am so proud of it. i hope you'll enjoy this chaos with me.
the soundscape is probably the most important part of this, going from the weigh of silence to destructive cacophony, it's been my favourite thing to work on, and i reckon it's an easy way to convey things that i couldn't really express with words and through the footage here.



'tainted youth;'

i haven't officially come out 'irl,' but i have been struggling with gender identity for years, and i am trying to accept myself more. the name that most of you here on youtube might know me as is now a deadname that i only use IRL because i'm only out on the internet; but now, my real name here is Nikan, so if you ever want to talk to me or about me, please use it (or just kiwiichann), with they/them pronouns.
there are pain and doubts and self-hatred in this video - and it's always been there, unconsciously, in most of the previous ones - but there's also so much more acceptance, i hope that you can accept it too. i hope that you can accept yourself, too.

happy pride month, stay hydrated ☼



"wait for me at the gates..?"
"...which ones?"

that flame in the eyes, is a reflection of the heart's soul.

#FanvidFeed #yoonkook #hyyh
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○Twitter: twitter.com/spideysguk
○Tumblr: http://winterxhope.tumblr.com

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Fandoms: transcending spatio-temporalities (you're here you're here)
Music: end of the video (organic,,,!)
Colouring: mine
Program: Sony Vegas Pro 10
○Backup: youtube.com/channel/UCMC69bVFVCMEsSA1fEzj9Sg

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