Uploaded April 2021 | Updated September 2026, 7 hours ago
NEW 3-MIN VIDEO: Some well-meaning friends may say, "Don't give up before the miracle happens," or "God can heal your marriage if you pray hard enough," even if you're in a destructive marriage with abuse, addictions, or adultery.
But is that what the Bible really recommends? I don't think so, in fact I think it may be "testing the Lord your God," which Jesus specifically forbids in cases of danger.
This myth puts pressure on committed Christians to stay and pray to prove our faith and spiritual maturity, and to be seen as being close to God.
1. God doesn’t bless every righteous person with a loving marriage, good health, much wealth. Jesus said, “Rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Mt 5:45)
2. Your bad marriage may not be evidence of your lack of faith or your sin. Bad things happen. Remember the story in John 9 where Jesus heals a blind man, and someone comes and asked Jesus, Why was that man blind in the first place? What it his parents' sin or his own sin? And Jesus rejected that notion. He didn’t connect the blind man’s condition to his or his parents’ sin. Your bad marriage doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
3. We are not to stay in danger and insist that God will save us. That is tempting the Lord our God and is prohibited in Mt 4:5-7. Remember how Satan tempted Jesus? Satan told Jesus to throw himself off the pinnacle of the Temple, about a 16-story fall, saying that God promised to do a miracle by sending angels to rescue him. It would have been quite a spectacular way of proving to all of Jerusalem that Jesus was a very special person in God's eyes. Jesus rebuked Satan and said, “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” In other words, don’t stay in danger—or go in danger—and push God to do a showy miracle. Ignore your friends who say you must hang in there. It's not their children being damaged by the deceit, abuse, and lies. And by the way, if your friend’s house was on fire I doubt they’d tell their children, “to stay and pray for a miracle.”
4. We can walk away from a destructive marriage to save our life and sanity—and our kids. It is not sin. It is honoring our God-given sense of self-preservation. You can hold your head high, without shame, if you’ve gotten a life-saving divorce.
------------
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF well-meaning advice that keeps you trapped in a destructive relationship, read Chapter 3 and 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Instagram: instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Top 50 Blog Posts by Topic: lifesavingdivorce.com/popular
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
NEW 3-MIN VIDEO: Some well-meaning friends may say, "Don't give up before the miracle happens," or "God can heal your marriage if you pray hard enough," even if you're in a destructive marriage with abuse, addictions, or adultery.
But is that what the Bible really recommends? I don't think so, in fact I think it may be "testing the Lord your God," which Jesus specifically forbids in cases of danger.
This myth puts pressure on committed Christians to stay and pray to prove our faith and spiritual maturity, and to be seen as being close to God.
1. God doesn’t bless every righteous person with a loving marriage, good health, much wealth. Jesus said, “Rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Mt 5:45)
2. Your bad marriage may not be evidence of your lack of faith or your sin. Bad things happen. Remember the story in John 9 where Jesus heals a blind man, and someone comes and asked Jesus, Why was that man blind in the first place? What it his parents' sin or his own sin? And Jesus rejected that notion. He didn’t connect the blind man’s condition to his or his parents’ sin. Your bad marriage doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
3. We are not to stay in danger and insist that God will save us. That is tempting the Lord our God and is prohibited in Mt 4:5-7. Remember how Satan tempted Jesus? Satan told Jesus to throw himself off the pinnacle of the Temple, about a 16-story fall, saying that God promised to do a miracle by sending angels to rescue him. It would have been quite a spectacular way of proving to all of Jerusalem that Jesus was a very special person in God's eyes. Jesus rebuked Satan and said, “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” In other words, don’t stay in danger—or go in danger—and push God to do a showy miracle. Ignore your friends who say you must hang in there. It's not their children being damaged by the deceit, abuse, and lies. And by the way, if your friend’s house was on fire I doubt they’d tell their children, “to stay and pray for a miracle.”
4. We can walk away from a destructive marriage to save our life and sanity—and our kids. It is not sin. It is honoring our God-given sense of self-preservation. You can hold your head high, without shame, if you’ve gotten a life-saving divorce.
------------
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF well-meaning advice that keeps you trapped in a destructive relationship, read Chapter 3 and 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Instagram: instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Top 50 Blog Posts by Topic: lifesavingdivorce.com/popular
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
