Uploaded May 2025 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago

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Moving forward is hard. I'm not scared to admit I changed. I will need to type some personal things here to feel like I have properly accepted and moved past this. I'm so scared to let the world see me, because I don't think that they would understand. But, just this once, I'm going to try.

For the past 3-4 months I have felt like I lost every aspect of my life that made it worth living. I lost my drive for reading and writing, I lost my drive for creating (I had to power through an extreme depression to make Monitoring because I felt like I was disappointing people by not releasing anything). I lost my drive for going out and just even taking nice walks. It was a challenge to get up to go to work every day, to come home and feel beyond alone.

For a long time I was surrounded by friends who hated me, but would always lie to my face about it. This probably contributed to me feeling and acting so miserable to people which I grew to really regret over time. I'm trying my best now to move past all of the, and find new friends who love and accept me for who I am and what I can do

And to you, yes you, you truly don't even know the half of it and I doubt you ever will, or will even care to know. This level is the effort of countless nights I felt alone, isolated, worthless, disappointing, disgusting, suicidal, and feeling like I needed to be someone I wasn't to be worth being loved by someone. I was truly just a use to you, helping you get to a better place. I helped you at your lowest point, you left me in mine.

But. When I sent you that paragraph and you responded the way you did, I knew I was going to be okay. It told me everything I needed to know, and now I know I need to move forward with all of my power, only this time with people who truly care for me and want the best for me. I could tell a struck a nerve with you, maybe because what I was saying was true- maybe it already happened to you- whatever it may be. What I said will still hold true one way or another, and no amount of denial or rude comments from your friends will change that anymore.

My name is Madison, I want you all to hear me. I well and truly love all of you reading this. I missed you all so much, I feel like I haven't seen the sun in years, but I'm ready to go out now and see it. To everyone who hates and despises me- I know there are many- lets meet each other again? Not as zYuko, but as Madison Dawn Capella. I would like that a lot.

"Shaking up the status quo is scary. It's easier to just stay hidden, play the role you're expected to play, and stay with people who mistreat you because you are reliant on them for comfort. But, if you overcome your fear of distance and take some room to breathe, you'll be able to grow farther than most people would ever allow you to, and if you overcome your fear of change, you can make it to a better place.

It won't be the same and you might be alone, but it will be worth it." - A review of Twikipedia's "for the rest of your life" by saturnday.

New levels soon, yours truly - Madison Dawn Capella
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Discord: Yuko#4599
Twitch: Yuko2
Twitter: zYuko13
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Yuko