Uploaded February 2024 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
1) This week I shaved my head. Sigh... I hate it. I can't look in a mirror without feeling terrible. I did it because my hair was just thinning a lot. My daughter came home from school and had tears in her eyes when she saw me. She didn't like it either. My other daughter frowned, but then pointed at my head and said "Papa!" I didn't realize how miserable I'd feel doing this.
2) I started scanning my mom's photos. It has been a painful process for a few reasons. Seeing all these beautiful pictures - I can see what a wonderful life her and my dad had, but it's hard to see that all that happiness is gone. I feel like I'm just part of a shattered mirror on the ground. My kids of course don't see that - I try to just be upbeat for them (and hey, my 6 year old started watching Octonauts again today - that made me happy).
My parents had such awesome pictures from trips in the early 1970s. Those instant cameras took such awesome pictures. In the 90's they used the disposable cameras and those took such terrible pictures. My dad even had an SLR (which I still use) - but they used the junky disposables. Well, I love the old photos. I plan to use them as album covers.
I see photos of their past - pictures they took of the gifts they gave us (now, long gone. I should know, I'm the one that donated that stuff). Seeing their past shows me my future - someday my kids will be in the same place, feeling the same insurmountable grief as they look through pictures of us when we were younger thinking "Why wasn't I closer to my parents?" And - of course, if they ever come across this comment, I hope they know that I don't care how little attention they pay to me as long as they're happy. It's of course, doubtful this medium, this format, will remain for them to read from so I'm not too concerned about that. You could argue my parents would have felt the same way - but that still doesn't make me feel better.
I look at the photos and wish my mom were around to answer questions. "Mom, you did modeling??? Really???" There are just some great, great photos. I can't believe how amazing my parent's lives must have been.
I am grateful they had such beautiful lives together, but it sucks to not be able to share it more with them.
Gear used:
Roland JD-800 with Eventide Blackhole VST
I realized I should have maybe added some ambient pad or something else, but I guess I don't see a lot of piano pieces with the JD-800. This is using the Grand Piano sound card.
1) This week I shaved my head. Sigh... I hate it. I can't look in a mirror without feeling terrible. I did it because my hair was just thinning a lot. My daughter came home from school and had tears in her eyes when she saw me. She didn't like it either. My other daughter frowned, but then pointed at my head and said "Papa!" I didn't realize how miserable I'd feel doing this.
2) I started scanning my mom's photos. It has been a painful process for a few reasons. Seeing all these beautiful pictures - I can see what a wonderful life her and my dad had, but it's hard to see that all that happiness is gone. I feel like I'm just part of a shattered mirror on the ground. My kids of course don't see that - I try to just be upbeat for them (and hey, my 6 year old started watching Octonauts again today - that made me happy).
My parents had such awesome pictures from trips in the early 1970s. Those instant cameras took such awesome pictures. In the 90's they used the disposable cameras and those took such terrible pictures. My dad even had an SLR (which I still use) - but they used the junky disposables. Well, I love the old photos. I plan to use them as album covers.
I see photos of their past - pictures they took of the gifts they gave us (now, long gone. I should know, I'm the one that donated that stuff). Seeing their past shows me my future - someday my kids will be in the same place, feeling the same insurmountable grief as they look through pictures of us when we were younger thinking "Why wasn't I closer to my parents?" And - of course, if they ever come across this comment, I hope they know that I don't care how little attention they pay to me as long as they're happy. It's of course, doubtful this medium, this format, will remain for them to read from so I'm not too concerned about that. You could argue my parents would have felt the same way - but that still doesn't make me feel better.
I look at the photos and wish my mom were around to answer questions. "Mom, you did modeling??? Really???" There are just some great, great photos. I can't believe how amazing my parent's lives must have been.
I am grateful they had such beautiful lives together, but it sucks to not be able to share it more with them.
Gear used:
Roland JD-800 with Eventide Blackhole VST
I realized I should have maybe added some ambient pad or something else, but I guess I don't see a lot of piano pieces with the JD-800. This is using the Grand Piano sound card.
