Uploaded August 2025 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
When you are no longer who you were, and you aren’t yet someone new, life feels like standing at a crossroad, waiting for roads to open or for signs to appear. I see others step on and off their trains, tickets in hand, knowing exactly where they’re going, while I remain on the platform, suspended in time, just out of reach.
I can’t go back, and the way forward is still hidden. There is only now: just here, just me, and the waiting. Time moves in strange circles, spinning forward and back again. I watch the sky change color, the birds tracing their own invisible maps. I watch the man fishing at the water’s edge, the children laughing as they splash in the shallows. I remember laughing like that. I remember how the world once felt alive in my hands. But those moments seem distant now, like a dream from another lifetime.
Inside, I can feel something shifting, my heart, my mind, slowly transforming, though I have no idea the shape they will take in the end. And so I wait, I watch, and I listen, like a traveler in a cocoon, wondering when the walls will open and the wings will come.
On the outside I seem calm and still, but inside there’s a river flowing. This is no quiet, patient waiting. This is the kind where the rain soaks you to the bone and you start laughing because the alternative is breaking. The kind where the pain you’ve carried becomes too heavy to drag one more step, so you drop it right there on the tracks and dare the next storm to try and take you down. This song for me hit differently when I heard it today. It isn’t about finding your way back, it’s about knowing you never will, and maybe never should.
And yet, even here, I can’t shake the thought that somewhere in the distance, another train is coming. Not to return me to who I was, but to carry me into something new. No bags allowed on this new train, only open hearts. I don’t know what station I’ll end up in, but I’ll be ready to climb aboard when it arrives. And until then, I’ll stand here in the rain, laughing, because I’m still here, and I’m not done yet.
Love to you,
Emery
#runawaytrain #soulasylum #newjourney
When you are no longer who you were, and you aren’t yet someone new, life feels like standing at a crossroad, waiting for roads to open or for signs to appear. I see others step on and off their trains, tickets in hand, knowing exactly where they’re going, while I remain on the platform, suspended in time, just out of reach.
I can’t go back, and the way forward is still hidden. There is only now: just here, just me, and the waiting. Time moves in strange circles, spinning forward and back again. I watch the sky change color, the birds tracing their own invisible maps. I watch the man fishing at the water’s edge, the children laughing as they splash in the shallows. I remember laughing like that. I remember how the world once felt alive in my hands. But those moments seem distant now, like a dream from another lifetime.
Inside, I can feel something shifting, my heart, my mind, slowly transforming, though I have no idea the shape they will take in the end. And so I wait, I watch, and I listen, like a traveler in a cocoon, wondering when the walls will open and the wings will come.
On the outside I seem calm and still, but inside there’s a river flowing. This is no quiet, patient waiting. This is the kind where the rain soaks you to the bone and you start laughing because the alternative is breaking. The kind where the pain you’ve carried becomes too heavy to drag one more step, so you drop it right there on the tracks and dare the next storm to try and take you down. This song for me hit differently when I heard it today. It isn’t about finding your way back, it’s about knowing you never will, and maybe never should.
And yet, even here, I can’t shake the thought that somewhere in the distance, another train is coming. Not to return me to who I was, but to carry me into something new. No bags allowed on this new train, only open hearts. I don’t know what station I’ll end up in, but I’ll be ready to climb aboard when it arrives. And until then, I’ll stand here in the rain, laughing, because I’m still here, and I’m not done yet.
Love to you,
Emery
#runawaytrain #soulasylum #newjourney
