![Navigating Discard, Revenge, and Unsupportive Friends [371] @FlyingFree](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xDsMerL0mUc/maxresdefault.jpg)
Uploaded March 2026 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
In this episode we tackle three questions: What happens when the abuser is the one who leaves? How do you live with the fear of post-separation or post-divorce revenge? And what do you do when your friends just don't get it?
đ Key Takeaways:
- Why some abusers discard their victims (and what it reveals about your progress)
- The difference between fear you should listen to and fear that steals your peace
- What actually helps kids navigate their father leaving
- The one question to ask yourself when trying to help someone understand your experience
- Why chasing validation from people who don't get it creates unnecessary suffering
Get Todayâs Free Resource:
đ Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com
I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
In this episode we tackle three questions: What happens when the abuser is the one who leaves? How do you live with the fear of post-separation or post-divorce revenge? And what do you do when your friends just don't get it?
đ Key Takeaways:
- Why some abusers discard their victims (and what it reveals about your progress)
- The difference between fear you should listen to and fear that steals your peace
- What actually helps kids navigate their father leaving
- The one question to ask yourself when trying to help someone understand your experience
- Why chasing validation from people who don't get it creates unnecessary suffering
Get Todayâs Free Resource:
đ Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com
I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
![Navigating Discard, Revenge, and Unsupportive Friends [371]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xDsMerL0mUc/mqdefault.jpg "Navigating Discard, Revenge, and Unsupportive Friends [371]
In this episode we tackle three questions: What happens when the abuser is the one who leaves? How do you live with the fear of post-separation or post-divorce revenge? And what do you do when your friends just dont get it?
đ Key Takeaways:
- Why some abusers discard their victims (and what it reveals about your progress)
- The difference between fear you should listen to and fear that steals your peace
- What actually helps kids navigate their father leaving
- The one question to ask yourself when trying to help someone understand your experience
- Why chasing validation from people who dont get it creates unnecessary suffering
Get Todayâs Free Resource:
đ Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com
I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.")
![The Subtle, Insidious Nature of Spiritual Abuse [352]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xcVyo6ltDzg/mqdefault.jpg "The Subtle, Insidious Nature of Spiritual Abuse [352]
đââď¸ What if the very place you went for love and safety became the source of your deepest wounds?
In this episode, I chat with trauma recovery practitioner and author Katherine Spearing about the sneaky, sinister ways spiritual abuse shows up in our lives, often dressed up as âlove,â âconcern,â or my personal favorite: âbiblical authority.â
We talk:
- What spiritual abuse actually is (itâs more common than you think)
- Why âGod wants your holiness, not your happinessâ is toxic, manipulative theology
- How to reclaim your autonomy and trust yourself again
- The heartbreaking cost of patriarchy in Christian spaces
- And yes, we go there with the stay-at-home daughter movement, church trauma, and the sandbox of doom (youâll get it when you listen)
This oneâs deep, real, and SO validating.
đ˘ SUBSCRIBE & HIT THAT BELL đ
Dont miss future episodes full of truth bombs, healing insights, and the occasional sarcastic takedown of toxic theology.
đ Drop a comment if this hit home or if youre just done playing in that churchy little sandbox. Weâre building castles on the beach now. đď¸
Related Resources:
đ§ Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Womanâs Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. Get a free chapter when you sign up for my mailing list at the top of my website: https://flyingfreenow.com
đš My book, All the Scary Little Gods (https://www.flyingfreenow.com/all-the-scary-little-gods/), is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming.
đŚ The Kaleidoscope (https://joinflyingfree.com) is our ridiculously affordable online community educating and supporting Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay in your marriage or leave, we can equip you for the next part of your journey through this program.
đ Flying Higher (https://joinflyinghigher.com) is my private mentorship program for Christian women who want to go deeper and work with me in a smaller group.
đ Katherineâs book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts
đ Read the full show notes at https://www.flyingfreenow.com/352
#FlyingFree #SpiritualAbuse #ReligiousTrauma #KatherineSpearing #ChristianDeconstruction #ChurchHurt #FaithRecovery #ToxicTheology #Patriarchy #FlyingFreePodcast
Katherine Spearing MA, CTRC is the founder of Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of spiritual abuse, and the former executive producer and host of the groundbreaking podcast Uncertain, a podcast that pioneered pivotal conversations around spiritual abuse. She also is a Certified Trauma Recovery Practitioner working primarily with clients who have survived cults, high-control environments, spiritual abuse, and sexual abuse. Katherine is a huge advocate for the power of art to help us on our healing journey. She participates in improv theater both as a performer and coach and is the author of one novel. A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, her new book on spiritual abuse, addresses the survivorâs recovery journey. She has been a guest on a number of podcasts, including IndoctriNation and A Little Bit Culty, is the author of several nonfiction articles, and writes regularly at katherinespearing.com and tearsofeden.org.")
![How to Change Yourself While Still Stuck in an Emotionally Abusive Marriage [256]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/y5bx_dY2EwQ/mqdefault.jpg "How to Change Yourself While Still Stuck in an Emotionally Abusive Marriage [256]
How to Change Yourself While Still Stuck in an Emotionally Abusive Marriage [256]")
![Why Your Lawyer Cringes When You Say âNarcissistâ - The Narcissism Trap Series Part Three [368]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/yJ6Kqba1Mgc/mqdefault.jpg "Why Your Lawyer Cringes When You Say âNarcissistâ - The Narcissism Trap Series Part Three [368]
In this third episode of The Narcissism Trap series, we shift from personal validation to legal strategy, exploring why the very word that brought you clarity could be the thing that sinks your court case. Weâll look at how judges actually view labels like narcissist and why focusing on clinical diagnoses can unintentionally dilute accountability and hand a gift to your exâs legal team.
đŻ Key Takeaways:
- The label that saved your sanity might lose you your case. While identifying narcissistic patterns is vital for your personal healing, using that language in a courtroom often leads judges to label you as high conflict rather than a victim of abuse.
- Judges dont care about psychobabble; they care about concrete behaviors. An armchair diagnosis of NPD carries no weight in family court. To get the courts attention, you must swap labels for facts, like financial lockout, surveillance, and threats.
- Calling it a sickness can accidentally excuse the harm. If you frame his behavior as a mental illness he cant help, you invite the court to suggest treatment instead of accountability. In reality, his actions are often calculated, strategic choices, not symptoms of a disordered brain.
- There is a more powerful legal framework: Coercive Control. While the court may ignore narcissism, they are primed to hear about patterns of isolation, degradation, and entrapment. This shift moves the focus from who he is to what he does, which is a language the law is beginning to criminalize.
- Deep-diving into his psychology keeps you stuck. Spending years analyzing his damaged inner self or Dark Triad traits prevents you from the real work of safety planning and documenting the behavior that matters for your future.
- You donât need a diagnosis to justify seeking safety. You cannot heal from a diagnosis; you heal from harm. Stop waiting for professional validation or a formal evaluation that will likely never come, and start tracking the ongoing patterns of intimidation and control.
Get Todayâs Free Resource:
đ§ Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com
I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.")
