Uploaded March 2022 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago

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Fire in the Sky track 07. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: archive.org/details/filk_fire_in_the_sky
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Lyrics:

The designer sat at his drafting board
A wealth of facts in his head was stored
Of what can be done with a radial drill,
A turret lathe, or a vertical mill
But above all things a knack he had
Of driving machinists completely mad

So he mused, as he thoughtfully scratched his bean,
“Just how can I make this thing hard to machine?
If I make this body perfectly straight,
The job would surely come out first rate,
But that would be easy to cut and bore!
It never would make the machinist sore.

“So I'll throw in a compound angle there
And a couple of tapers to make them swear.
Now brass would do for this little gear,
But that's too easy to carve I fear,
So just to make a machinist squeal
I'll have him machine it from tungsten steel.

“And I'll put the holes that hold the cap
Down underneath where they can't be tapped.
Now, if they can make it, they'll do it by luck,
'Cause it can't be held with a dog or a chuck.
And it can't be drilled nor planed nor ground,
So I think my design is completely sound.”

The designer sat back. His plan he surveyed:
The screwiest thing he had ever made.
He signed his name with a line so thin
Then put down his pencil and started to grin.
He shouted in glee, “Success at last!
I've designed a part that can't even be cast.”