Uploaded June 2020 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
I thought that being a refugee in Spain would give me and my family a chance at life, a real opportunity to thrive. After months of everything going wrong. I’m now sitting here, empty, after having to use my body to survive. All of my hopes and dreams of a better life are crushed.
I grew up in the middle of the socioeconomic and political crisis of Venezuela. A time of starvation, escalating crime and disease. When I turned 19 my mother and I went to seek refuge in Spain, then if it worked out more of my family could join us in the future. We had to request political asylum to get there but that was pretty easy to do given our circumstances.
We’d never had much in life, but when asking for help I suddenly felt something I hadn’t felt before, I felt poor, unable to be someone. I felt like I was digging myself into a hole... A part of me wanted to be helped and another part of me just wanted to die, I felt my whole world falling apart, but I had to do it, for a brighter future… or so I thought.
These feelings slowly started disappearing when we arrived in Spain and for the first time in a long time, or maybe even ever, I felt protected.
I remember this morning well, my first meeting with my social worker, even though it was a house visit, I had dressed up for it to look smart and give a good impression. I sat down at my table with him across from me excited to hear some of the opportunities available. He then proceeds to say “you should only think of working "non-qualified" jobs and you won’t be able to continue your studies because you’re ‘just’ an immigrant”. I'm ‘just’ an immigrant? It wasn’t really what he had said but more the way he had just said it. He made me feel like I was worthless.
I must do a medical and get my work permit to show my employers, so I did. I went to the doctors where she checked me over and said I could have my medical certificate. I then mentioned to her that a medicine I had gotten on a previous visit for a cold hadn’t cleared it up. Her face changed, looking through her glasses and down her nose at me she says “If you do not like the public health system in Spain, you are free to return to your own country at any time” I was slowly starting to see a very different side to the place we had just moved to and how the people here perceived us ‘immigrants’!
I couldn’t even pay for our rent and food with what she paid me! I was outraged and needed to do something about my situation, things were supposed to be different to this here and I was sure I could get something done. So I went to see a lawyer to see what I should do, but he told me that there was nothing I could do to get this money. That I had to consider it as money lost. I walked away from the lawyer's office crying, I felt completely alone and desperate for help.
After this, I made a radical decision that would change my life forever... I decided to prostitute myself. I went this direction because I always heard how "easy" it is to make money doing that . Before this decision, I had never even kissed anyone before, I was very innocent and I was very afraid of experiencing any kind of intimacy but I now saw this as our only hope. That first meeting will stay in my mind forever. I was terrified! During my time as a prostitute, I made myself clear to clients that there were certain acts that I didn't want to do, but they were really persistent and I needed the money, so in the end, I ended up doing more sexual practices that I didn't want to do than those that I did. Every time, I had to close my eyes and pretend I wasn’t there so as not to cry. I was left feeling empty. YT: After this, I made a radical decision that would change my life forever... I decided to use my body I went in this direction because I always heard how "easy" it is to make money doing that. Before this decision, I had never even been close to anyone before, During this time, I made sure to be clear to clients that there were certain acts that I didn't want to do, but they were really persistent and I needed the money, so in the end, I ended up doing things that I'm not proud of.
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I thought that being a refugee in Spain would give me and my family a chance at life, a real opportunity to thrive. After months of everything going wrong. I’m now sitting here, empty, after having to use my body to survive. All of my hopes and dreams of a better life are crushed.
I grew up in the middle of the socioeconomic and political crisis of Venezuela. A time of starvation, escalating crime and disease. When I turned 19 my mother and I went to seek refuge in Spain, then if it worked out more of my family could join us in the future. We had to request political asylum to get there but that was pretty easy to do given our circumstances.
We’d never had much in life, but when asking for help I suddenly felt something I hadn’t felt before, I felt poor, unable to be someone. I felt like I was digging myself into a hole... A part of me wanted to be helped and another part of me just wanted to die, I felt my whole world falling apart, but I had to do it, for a brighter future… or so I thought.
These feelings slowly started disappearing when we arrived in Spain and for the first time in a long time, or maybe even ever, I felt protected.
I remember this morning well, my first meeting with my social worker, even though it was a house visit, I had dressed up for it to look smart and give a good impression. I sat down at my table with him across from me excited to hear some of the opportunities available. He then proceeds to say “you should only think of working "non-qualified" jobs and you won’t be able to continue your studies because you’re ‘just’ an immigrant”. I'm ‘just’ an immigrant? It wasn’t really what he had said but more the way he had just said it. He made me feel like I was worthless.
I must do a medical and get my work permit to show my employers, so I did. I went to the doctors where she checked me over and said I could have my medical certificate. I then mentioned to her that a medicine I had gotten on a previous visit for a cold hadn’t cleared it up. Her face changed, looking through her glasses and down her nose at me she says “If you do not like the public health system in Spain, you are free to return to your own country at any time” I was slowly starting to see a very different side to the place we had just moved to and how the people here perceived us ‘immigrants’!
I couldn’t even pay for our rent and food with what she paid me! I was outraged and needed to do something about my situation, things were supposed to be different to this here and I was sure I could get something done. So I went to see a lawyer to see what I should do, but he told me that there was nothing I could do to get this money. That I had to consider it as money lost. I walked away from the lawyer's office crying, I felt completely alone and desperate for help.
After this, I made a radical decision that would change my life forever... I decided to prostitute myself. I went this direction because I always heard how "easy" it is to make money doing that . Before this decision, I had never even kissed anyone before, I was very innocent and I was very afraid of experiencing any kind of intimacy but I now saw this as our only hope. That first meeting will stay in my mind forever. I was terrified! During my time as a prostitute, I made myself clear to clients that there were certain acts that I didn't want to do, but they were really persistent and I needed the money, so in the end, I ended up doing more sexual practices that I didn't want to do than those that I did. Every time, I had to close my eyes and pretend I wasn’t there so as not to cry. I was left feeling empty. YT: After this, I made a radical decision that would change my life forever... I decided to use my body I went in this direction because I always heard how "easy" it is to make money doing that. Before this decision, I had never even been close to anyone before, During this time, I made sure to be clear to clients that there were certain acts that I didn't want to do, but they were really persistent and I needed the money, so in the end, I ended up doing things that I'm not proud of.
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