Uploaded April 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Whether you identify as anxiously attached and struggle with the fear of abandonment, or you're avoidant and tend to shut down when things get close, this conversation is for you.
In this episode, I’m joined by psychotherapist Trevor Hanson to discuss why so many of us get stuck in the "research phase" and how to actually rewire your brain for secure attachment.
We dive deep into the "origin stories" that drive our adult behaviors, the hidden link between anxious and avoidant styles, and a powerful "voice note" tool you can start using today to meet your own unmet needs.
What you’ll learn in this video:
🔸Why researching the "Avoidant" is often a distraction from your own healing.
🔸The "Hero’s Journey" of moving from insecurity to self-worth.
🔸Why your boundaries aren't working (and what to do instead).
🔸How to stop the cycle of triggering your partner's core wounds.
Find Trevor at:
instagram.com/theartofhealingbytrevor
theartofhealingbytrevor.com
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
Time Stamps
00:00 - The core difference: Anxious vs. Avoidant
02:13 - Trevor’s "Hero’s Journey": From Tesla to Therapist
05:37 - The "Research Trap": Why knowing isn't healing
08:12 - How to start becoming Securely Attached
10:17 - The Voice Note Strategy for inner child healing
14:54 - Telltale signs of Anxious Attachment
18:05 - Debunking myths about Avoidant Attachment
21:23 - Why boundaries feel "risky" for anxious people
26:00 - Relational habits that erode connection
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
youtu.be/Pc1sUYzWefs - You're Not Made for This Much | Reset Your Nervous System and Calm Your Stress
youtu.be/0dTvWrmOhd8 - Adult Friendships | The Truth About Making Friends After 40 (A Therapist Explains)
youtu.be/zU2cQkItN0g - Why Empaths and HSP Highly Sensitive People Are Constantly Exhausted
youtu.be/0mGQ0j6wh8c - Simple, Grounded Responses That Stop Invasive Questions Instantly
🪔 Meditate with me: insighttimer.com/terricole
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
#anxiousattachment #secureattachment #relationshipgoals #innerchild #boundaries #mentalhealthtips
Whether you identify as anxiously attached and struggle with the fear of abandonment, or you're avoidant and tend to shut down when things get close, this conversation is for you.
In this episode, I’m joined by psychotherapist Trevor Hanson to discuss why so many of us get stuck in the "research phase" and how to actually rewire your brain for secure attachment.
We dive deep into the "origin stories" that drive our adult behaviors, the hidden link between anxious and avoidant styles, and a powerful "voice note" tool you can start using today to meet your own unmet needs.
What you’ll learn in this video:
🔸Why researching the "Avoidant" is often a distraction from your own healing.
🔸The "Hero’s Journey" of moving from insecurity to self-worth.
🔸Why your boundaries aren't working (and what to do instead).
🔸How to stop the cycle of triggering your partner's core wounds.
Find Trevor at:
instagram.com/theartofhealingbytrevor
theartofhealingbytrevor.com
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
Time Stamps
00:00 - The core difference: Anxious vs. Avoidant
02:13 - Trevor’s "Hero’s Journey": From Tesla to Therapist
05:37 - The "Research Trap": Why knowing isn't healing
08:12 - How to start becoming Securely Attached
10:17 - The Voice Note Strategy for inner child healing
14:54 - Telltale signs of Anxious Attachment
18:05 - Debunking myths about Avoidant Attachment
21:23 - Why boundaries feel "risky" for anxious people
26:00 - Relational habits that erode connection
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
youtu.be/Pc1sUYzWefs - You're Not Made for This Much | Reset Your Nervous System and Calm Your Stress
youtu.be/0dTvWrmOhd8 - Adult Friendships | The Truth About Making Friends After 40 (A Therapist Explains)
youtu.be/zU2cQkItN0g - Why Empaths and HSP Highly Sensitive People Are Constantly Exhausted
youtu.be/0mGQ0j6wh8c - Simple, Grounded Responses That Stop Invasive Questions Instantly
🪔 Meditate with me: insighttimer.com/terricole
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
#anxiousattachment #secureattachment #relationshipgoals #innerchild #boundaries #mentalhealthtips
