Uploaded February 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
"From the Hack to the Hog Line
(Pizza and Curling)"
The curling club snack bar has a sale on pizza
25 cents a slice
That price is so low
I had to check it twice
I prefer cheeseburgers
But the price of those hasn’t dropped even a penny
They were still five loonies
So I didn’t end up getting any
I wonder if the pizza’s made of cheaper ingredients
And that explains the lower cost
Or if they assumed people will buy in bulk
And that’ll offset the loss
From the hack to the hog line, we’re sweeping it clean,
Pebble on the ice, chasing centre of the ring,
Like Jennifer Jones with a draw weighted just right,
Cheap pizza on paper plates, but the game’s still tight,
Stones curl honest, and nobody budges,
Ends keep stacking up, and the broom never judges.
There’s a fella named Gord who works the snack bar
He has an awful disposition
But he likes watching the curling for free
Which is why he took that position
I was gonna ask him why the pizza was cheaper
But he seemed like he was in a bad mood
So I only said, "Good day Gord"
And then I ordered my food
The pizza tasted exactly the same
As the pizza did before
And my team, the Scotties, won
They scored higher than the Albertans scored
We’re heavy on the handle, light touch on the sweep,
Guard on the button, crowd often screams,
Like Team Gushue calling line all night long,
Same old flavour, but the deal feels wrong,
Eight ends in, and we’re still right here,
Watching rocks do math while the rink smells like Molson beer.
As I was exiting the bleachers
I thought I’d stop for another slice
It’s strange how you work up an appetite
Just watching people hurl stones down the ice
When I got back to the snack bar
It was already closed up
Gord had pulled down the shutters
So I guess I was out of luck
Take the out-turn slow, let the pebble decide,
Blank the end, keep the hammer inside,
Like Kevin Martin with a hit that’s clean and spare,
Quarter-a-slice pizza, means you don’t have to share,
Last rock waiting, no one’s going home,
Till the final stone finds its way to the dome.
The next time I came back to the snack bar
The pizza was back to the old price
I was gonna ask Gord why the cost rose again
But I didn’t like the look in his eyes
Maybe on my way home
I’d stop at the A&W
And order myself a cheeseburger
And a mug of root beer too
I told you I liked cheeseburgers
So you shouldn’t be surprised by this
But what I didn’t mention
Is I prefer them with mushrooms and Swiss
Alright.
A Swiss cheese and mushroom burger
That’s nice
"From the Hack to the Hog Line
(Pizza and Curling)"
The curling club snack bar has a sale on pizza
25 cents a slice
That price is so low
I had to check it twice
I prefer cheeseburgers
But the price of those hasn’t dropped even a penny
They were still five loonies
So I didn’t end up getting any
I wonder if the pizza’s made of cheaper ingredients
And that explains the lower cost
Or if they assumed people will buy in bulk
And that’ll offset the loss
From the hack to the hog line, we’re sweeping it clean,
Pebble on the ice, chasing centre of the ring,
Like Jennifer Jones with a draw weighted just right,
Cheap pizza on paper plates, but the game’s still tight,
Stones curl honest, and nobody budges,
Ends keep stacking up, and the broom never judges.
There’s a fella named Gord who works the snack bar
He has an awful disposition
But he likes watching the curling for free
Which is why he took that position
I was gonna ask him why the pizza was cheaper
But he seemed like he was in a bad mood
So I only said, "Good day Gord"
And then I ordered my food
The pizza tasted exactly the same
As the pizza did before
And my team, the Scotties, won
They scored higher than the Albertans scored
We’re heavy on the handle, light touch on the sweep,
Guard on the button, crowd often screams,
Like Team Gushue calling line all night long,
Same old flavour, but the deal feels wrong,
Eight ends in, and we’re still right here,
Watching rocks do math while the rink smells like Molson beer.
As I was exiting the bleachers
I thought I’d stop for another slice
It’s strange how you work up an appetite
Just watching people hurl stones down the ice
When I got back to the snack bar
It was already closed up
Gord had pulled down the shutters
So I guess I was out of luck
Take the out-turn slow, let the pebble decide,
Blank the end, keep the hammer inside,
Like Kevin Martin with a hit that’s clean and spare,
Quarter-a-slice pizza, means you don’t have to share,
Last rock waiting, no one’s going home,
Till the final stone finds its way to the dome.
The next time I came back to the snack bar
The pizza was back to the old price
I was gonna ask Gord why the cost rose again
But I didn’t like the look in his eyes
Maybe on my way home
I’d stop at the A&W
And order myself a cheeseburger
And a mug of root beer too
I told you I liked cheeseburgers
So you shouldn’t be surprised by this
But what I didn’t mention
Is I prefer them with mushrooms and Swiss
Alright.
A Swiss cheese and mushroom burger
That’s nice
