![Frank Hayes - Never Set the Cat on Fire [HQ] @SongsfromtheStars](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tGmeYqpixu8/maxresdefault.jpg)
Uploaded March 2021 | Updated September 2026, 2 hours ago
Don't Ask track 21. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: archive.org/details/filk_dont_ask
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Lyrics:
Never set the cat on fire; you only will annoy it.
The heat will make the beast perspire; she surely won't enjoy it.
Likewise do not ignite the dog, the snake, the gerbil, or the frog;
No, never set the cat on fire.
(Chorus)
And mind your manners, as circumstances may require,
And never set the cat on fire.
Don't open up the cabin hatch; the air is sure to leave it.
And air is very hard to catch; you never will retrieve it.
And even though your life's a bore, don't open the reactor door;
Don't open up the cabin hatch.
(Chorus)
Don't change the navigator's data; someone's sure to see ya.
You know the captain's view of that: a very bad idea.
He doesn't want his ship to race forever lost in endless space;
Don't change the navigator's data.
(Chorus)
Don't start an interstellar war; it has no helpful uses.
If people ask you “What's it for?”, you'll only make excuses.
If thirty trillion folks get hurt, you'll go to bed with no dessert!
Don't start an interstellar war.
(Chorus x2)
Don't Ask track 21. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: archive.org/details/filk_dont_ask
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Lyrics:
Never set the cat on fire; you only will annoy it.
The heat will make the beast perspire; she surely won't enjoy it.
Likewise do not ignite the dog, the snake, the gerbil, or the frog;
No, never set the cat on fire.
(Chorus)
And mind your manners, as circumstances may require,
And never set the cat on fire.
Don't open up the cabin hatch; the air is sure to leave it.
And air is very hard to catch; you never will retrieve it.
And even though your life's a bore, don't open the reactor door;
Don't open up the cabin hatch.
(Chorus)
Don't change the navigator's data; someone's sure to see ya.
You know the captain's view of that: a very bad idea.
He doesn't want his ship to race forever lost in endless space;
Don't change the navigator's data.
(Chorus)
Don't start an interstellar war; it has no helpful uses.
If people ask you “What's it for?”, you'll only make excuses.
If thirty trillion folks get hurt, you'll go to bed with no dessert!
Don't start an interstellar war.
(Chorus x2)
![Frank Hayes - Never Set the Cat on Fire [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tGmeYqpixu8/mqdefault.jpg "Frank Hayes - Never Set the Cat on Fire [HQ]
Dont Ask track 21. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_dont_ask/
Lyrics:
Never set the cat on fire; you only will annoy it.
The heat will make the beast perspire; she surely wont enjoy it.
Likewise do not ignite the dog, the snake, the gerbil, or the frog;
No, never set the cat on fire.
(Chorus)
And mind your manners, as circumstances may require,
And never set the cat on fire.
Dont open up the cabin hatch; the air is sure to leave it.
And air is very hard to catch; you never will retrieve it.
And even though your lifes a bore, dont open the reactor door;
Dont open up the cabin hatch.
(Chorus)
Dont change the navigators data; someones sure to see ya.
You know the captains view of that: a very bad idea.
He doesnt want his ship to race forever lost in endless space;
Dont change the navigators data.
(Chorus)
Dont start an interstellar war; it has no helpful uses.
If people ask you “Whats it for?”, youll only make excuses.
If thirty trillion folks get hurt, youll go to bed with no dessert!
Dont start an interstellar war.
(Chorus x2)")
![Bob Kanefsky/Leslie Fish - Song from the Pigs Side [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/uEvdxLRmLtA/mqdefault.jpg "Bob Kanefsky/Leslie Fish - Song from the Pigs Side [HQ]
Tapeworm I track 2. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_tapeworm_1
Lyrics:
Once we feared the beast. When he came we ran away,
And we hid in our homes, though we knew
That our fenced-in homes could not keep the beast at bay;
But what could we pen-dwellers do?
The beast made short work of the guards in our yards,
Snuffed out our fires with his paw.
But now we are sheltered, one and all, by a wall,
Secure in our sturdy house of straw.
So shout it to the falcons on the crest: Be impressed!
Neighbors, stand back in awe.
This is the latest beast-proof hut. (Keep it shut!)
This is the house of straw.
Straw’s light weight let us build it in a day,
And it’s real easy stuff to weave.
But the beast came by, and he blew our house away,
And we thought it might be best to leave.
So we made a hasty beeline for the wood, those who could,
And we stopped by a stream for a rest.
And we noticed how the beavers had played tricks with some sticks,
And thought maybe sticks work best.
So shout it to the eagles in the sky: Let him try!
Let the beast show up and take his licks.
This is the latest beast-proof hut. (Keep it shut!)
This is the house of sticks.
Sticks seem strong, and they serve the beavers well,
But they gave us their own short ends.
For we live on the land, and as any fool can tell,
A dry stick will break before it bends.
So the beast came back, and he huffed, and he puffed,
And he let loose a mighty gust of air.
When materials are stressed more than they take, they will break.
All who would build, beware!
But we, the last survivors from the pen, tried again:
Where there is a problem there’s a fix.
This is the latest beast-proof hut. (Keep it shut!)
This is the house of bricks.
The beast came back, and he tried the same attack
That had worked for him in the past.
But the well-built house and attractive chimney stack,
By their strength and their weight, held fast.
The beast, seeing bricks are not like straw, not like sticks,
Slid down the chimney in a dive.
But aha! we were ready with a pot, boiling hot,
And thus was the monster cooked alive.
Our sows and all their little ones will feast on roast beast,
And no more little pigs will be picked off.
And we won’t fear the crunching sound of feet as we eat,
Muzzles buried in the trough.
We can eat with our tails stuck up in the breeze, if we please.
We can sleep after meals in the mud.
For the big bad wolf we once feared is deceased.
Hogkind has spilled his blood.
Hogkind has spilled his blood!")
![Aislinn (Anne Prather) - Prelude [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/uhYGtJ4OzSI/mqdefault.jpg "Aislinn (Anne Prather) - Prelude [HQ]
High Wings track 1. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_high_wings")
![Julia Ecklar - Temper of Revenge [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/uxbb67ZR6_8/mqdefault.jpg "Julia Ecklar - Temper of Revenge [HQ]
Horse-Tamers Daughter track 03. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_horse-tamers_daughter
Find more of Julia Ecklars excellent music at: https://www.prometheus-music.com/
Lyrics:
We were sworn to protect a timeless land,
Our steel pledged to greater goals,
Meant to serve what our Lords deemed as good,
Part of a greater whole.
We swore Lords a pledge with breath and tongue—
A pledge I now break with my heart.
Those beliefs impede what Im called now to do,
My allegiance is sundered apart.
My soul was torn from me this day;
Half of me lies interred in his grave.
That shattered life I can never retrieve,
No well-meaning wizard can save.
So find me a horse as red as the sun;
Find me a blade that will make their blood run.
I will ride out at dawn, while the suns in the sky,
So the buzzards can see where the bodies will lie.
Bring me my lance, bring my shield,
Strong as my sword is the vengeance I wield.
To seek vengeance is wrong claim my masterful Lords,
But vengeance has tempered my sword,
Vengeance has tempered my sword.
My companion was made to be half of me,
We were sealed in both body and soul.
What is life to one human alone?
How can one unpartnered be whole?
He was slaughtered at night—not a warriors death.
All goodness seemed useless and vile,
For Good let my fragile world be destroyed.
My oaths by such lies were defiled!
Forgive me, my Lords, for what I do.
Know that this sinner is suffering, too—
But your virtues pure dont allow what I plan,
And by God, Ill pay killers their due!
So find me a horse as red as the sun;
Find me a blade that will make their blood run.
I will ride out at dawn, while the suns in the sky,
So the buzzards can see where the bodies will lie.
Bring me my lance, bring my shield,
Strong as my sword is the vengeance I wield.
To seek vengeance is wrong claim my masterful Lords,
But vengeance has tempered my sword,
Vengeance has tempered my sword.")
![Leslie Fish & the Dehorn Crew - The Cats Are Taking Over [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vGFlN9NVCvY/mqdefault.jpg "Leslie Fish & the Dehorn Crew - The Cats Are Taking Over [HQ]
Its Sister Jennys Turn to Throw the Bomb track 10. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_its_sister_jennys_turn_to_throw_the_bomb
Find more of Leslie Fishs music at: https://lesliefish.bandcamp.com/
Lyrics:
They gallop from the kitchen and they settle on the grate
The fix their big eyes on you and they sit them down to wait.
You know youre gonna have to feed them off the People Plate,
I believe the cats are taking over.
Chorus:
I believe, I believe,
I believe the cats are taking over.
Up and down the fence at night, yowling loud and shrill,
The cats are making more cats, by dawn theyre at it still,
Their babies come in litters and they do not take the pill,
I believe the cats are taking over.
(Chorus)
Early, early in the morning, when youre fast asleep,
Hand over hand, up the blankets they will creep,
To yowl in your ear then escape you with a leap,
I believe the cats are taking over.
(Chorus)
They drive us out to organize bigger crowds each day
You blame it on psychology, on politics or play,
But in fact were only making friends to give our cats away,
I believe the cats are taking over.
(Chorus)
So theres your true conspiracy, I swear I do not lie,
The source of these upheavals that so trouble you and I,
So wont you take a kitten, please, Mr. FBI?
I believe the cats are taking over.
(Chorus)")
![Aislinn (Anne Prather) - West With the Night [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vWJrAVegoho/mqdefault.jpg "Aislinn (Anne Prather) - West With the Night [HQ]
High Wings track 2. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_high_wings
Lyrics:
On the wings, on the wings of a dream she flies
On the wings, on the wings of a dream she flies
West with the night
Through the brightness of the tropical day and the bane of the tropical night,
No twilight exists to bolster the way between day and the blackest of night
A friend has gone down and nobody knows where, and the message comes in then
Of a miner needing medical care, and its off through the night again
On the wings, on the wings of a dream she flies
On the wings, on the wings of a dream she flies
Through the dark night
So its out into the loneliest place that a pilot will ever know
Into the night without a face, where no sane person would go
No beacon to guide her and no one beside her, and when she sets down at the end
Shes left to wonder if theres enough room to ever take off again
On the wings, on the wings of a dream she flies
On the wings, on the wings of a dream she flies
To save a life
Through the bright days and the darkest of nights, over desert and plain she flew
Carrying mail or scouting the hunt or whatever they asked her to do
A quarter of a million miles, they say, is the total she had flown
When she made the historic decision that day to fly the Atlantic alone
The silver, blue, and turquoise Gull lifts rebelliously into the sky
Heavy with fuel and one womans dream, no chance now to ever ask why
Fly against the wind
On the wings, on the wings of a dream she flies
On the wings, on the wings of a dream she flies
West with the night")
![Bob Kanefsky/Heather Alexander - Sing in the Circle [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vcgtvARBQ0c/mqdefault.jpg "Bob Kanefsky/Heather Alexander - Sing in the Circle [HQ]
Tapeworm I track 1. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_tapeworm_1
Lyrics:
La da da...
Here at the con there’s a small band of singers
You’ll find if you linger too long.
They’re laughing and drinking, and soon you’ll be thinking
That you’d come to join in their song.
If they see you, you know they’ll entreat you
To enter their ring and to pick, pass, or play.
If you do, then before you are through,
You’ll have stayed there till dawn the next day.
Chorus:
But please come, join, sing in the circle.
The voices are far from sublime.
Won’t you come, join, sing in the circle,
But keep a sharp eye on the time.
They’ll sing tales of elves, and werewolves’ frustrations,
And orbiting stations above.
Magic indenture and space-age adventure:
All things that you’ve been dreaming of.
They’ll sing with such ease, in several keys,
You won’t give a thought to those panels next day.
You’ll find with a shock, when you look at the clock,
That next morning’s just hours away.
(Chorus)
If you’re like me, you’re tempted to flee,
While you still have some sense.
Denounce their ilk! Give up filk! Seek out other events!
Artwork shows! Videos! Japanimation and masquerades too.
Go on a date! Vegetate! Find something else to do!
La da da...
But I’m not too bright, so I stayed there all night,
And the con is now nearing the end.
And sadly, I fear, I must wait a whole year
Before I can hear filkers again.
I ran into four on the dealers’ room floor.
I asked them how one so addicted escapes.
They said, “There’s no cure; so your best bet, we’re sure,
Is to purchase a few of our tapes.”
(Chorus x2)
La da da...")
![Bob Kanefsky/Heather Alexander - Creature in the Wood [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wUx5xgJy-qU/mqdefault.jpg "Bob Kanefsky/Heather Alexander - Creature in the Wood [HQ]
Tapeworm I track 12. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_tapeworm_1
Lyrics:
I am the creature in the wood,
Prepared to end my spinsterhood.
My song is power and is art.
My song can bind a human heart.
And should thou chance to hear me sing,
My tree will grow our wedding ring.
I shall be thy lover!
My roots run deep into the core:
I am the maiden, bride, and whore,
I am the heart of every home,
I am the siren call to roam.
So end thy nights of fleeting thrill,
And live thy days out on my hill.
I shall be thy lover!
Come unto me, my handsome lad:
I see thee bathing there unclad.
Those roots that drift against thy thighs
May be a dryad’s hands and eyes.
Come eat the nuts fresh from my tree,
As I have tasted the like of thee.
I shall be thy lover!
So deep and strong our love shall grow,
Thy inner secrets I will know.
Thou shalt be happy and be free
To dwell forever in my tree.
I’ll be thy captor and thy slave.
I’ll give thee all that thou might crave.
I shall be thy lover!
La la la...
But love can wither like the leaves,
No matter what the heart believes.
I know the end will always come.
The finest lad grows tiresome...
After a century or two,
I need to look for someone new.
So take your rest upon the hill,
And when the evening shadows spill,
I’ll take you in against the chill.
Then I shall eat and drink my fill!
I’ll try your passion and your skill
And your endurance harder still!
I shall be thy lover!
La la la...
I am the creature in the wood,
Prepared to end my spinsterhood.
My song is power and is art.
My song will bind a human heart.
And when you chance to hear me sing,
Our tree will grow our wedding ring.
I shall be thy lover!")
![Bill Sutton - Stray Dog Man [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wd2ctZz0Pto/mqdefault.jpg "Bill Sutton - Stray Dog Man [HQ]
Past Due track 03. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_past_due
Lyrics:
Well, Im always bringin home the dogs thats found beside the road
I feed em and I pet em and they keep me on my toes
Well, but now its gone a bit too far, I dont see why its me
That has to take the strays in from the whole damn galaxy!
Chorus:
But Im the stray dog man, and I do what I can
To give them pups some lovin and a home (a home)
But I wish the ones in space would go find another place
And leave me and my doggies here alone!
Well, I was sittin in the backyard in a t-shirt, drinkin a beer
It was a hot and muggy evenin but the sky was crystal clear
When I heard an engine poppin, but there was no one on the lane
So I shrugged and looked to heaven, rubbed my eyes and looked again
There was a kind of flyin pickup with a glow across the back
And as I watched it hover there, out flew this gunny sack
Well, that pickup truck got fuzzy, then it flashed into the sky
That gunny sack bounced off the roof and it landed with a cry
(Chorus)
Well now, Old Rover bounded over and he sniffed around the sack
Then he took off a-runnin and he aint ever comin back!
Well, poor Fido was the next to go, he bit down on that thing
He died before he finished and he started turning green
(Kind of sad, them four legs sticking straight up in the air.)
Well now, that gunny sack it rustled and it opened dark and wide
With the ugliest damn critter that I ever saw inside
Well, it crawled out, stretched, and preened itself, then it ate poor Fido raw
Picked up the tractor and gulped it down, then sat back with a yawn
(Well, by now I was gettin a mite peeved—see, that was a brand new John Deere.)
(Chorus)
Well now, I got a collar on it and I hauled it to the shed
It tried to eat the padlock but I fed it nails instead
Well, it cried all night out there alone, but I knew what to do
I put a clock inside a mitten, but it ate that sucker, too!
(I guess it got kind of hungry when the alarm went off. It was kind of cute when you got to know him, though. I named him Ursa Major—thats cause hes a major pain in the urse.)
Well, I finally got him paper trained and I soon was glad to find
That everywhere that I would go, ol Urse would tag behind
Well, the other dogs accept him now, he eats the ones that fight
The twelve of them are nasty huntin rabbits late at night
(That rabbit thinks hes smart, he hides inside a tree—well, old Urse, he eats the tree!)
(Chorus)
Well now, I thought that was the end of it, but when a month went by
Another flying pickup threw a sack out on the fly
Well, it struggled and it rumbled, then that gunny baggie burst
And the thing that was inside it ate poor Ursa Major first!
Well now, it happens every month or so, and Im getting rather vexed
As soon as I get fond of one, it gets eaten by the next!
So Im buildin me a rocket, next time I see a sack
Im gonna toss it in the nosecone and Ill throw that sucker back!
(Chorus)")
![UnReal Estate 12 - Two Hundred Years On [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xDmV-zDO0gg/mqdefault.jpg "UnReal Estate 12 - Two Hundred Years On [HQ]
Sung by Mitchell Burnside Clapp. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_unreal_estate
Lyrics:
They sent him up from Sydney on a seven-year,
One more reluctant pioneer
With a past that wasnt quite within the law.
They put him in a cell to do his time,
Set him working in a mine
Where greyish clinging dust was all he saw.
When his time was done, in the rock he stayed;
For one more time hed been betrayed,
By his body and a lower gravity.
And the busker singing in the corridor,
He played a song hed heard before—
It went: “Wholl come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”
Spacesuits patched with tape and twine,
Selling drills, his own design,
A trail of regrets to mark where he had been.
And his home hung neatly centered in the airlocks porthole door
An endless black, a distant dream of green.
An exile now from gravity,
No friends to the authority,
He made a life beneath a league of stone.
He married well and raised a son
(The only worthwhile thing hed done),
Today he doesnt feel so much alone.
To put the tucker on the plate,
These days, youll see him navigate
A bus across a desert lunar sea,
And the line runs around inside his head—
Was it something that his father said?
It goes: “Wholl come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”
Billabongs just a frozen pond a hundred meters down
The squatter drives a thoroughbred of steel
And if he runs forever, would his life be all in vain?
At least, thats how it makes him feel.
Still the line runs around inside his head
Was it something that his father said?
It goes: “Wholl come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”
“Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda,
Wholl come a-waltzing Matilda with me?
Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda,
Wholl come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”
And the busker singing in the corridor,
He plays a song hes heard before—
It goes: “Wholl come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”")
![Jordin Kare - Car Fire [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xHKXCiy5A90/mqdefault.jpg "Jordin Kare - Car Fire [HQ]
Parody Violation track 17. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_parody_violation
Lyrics (TTTO Star Fire, Cynthia McQuillin):
I sit here knowing credits overdrawn
Surrounded by the ghastly stench that says my engines gone
Charring plastic, burning oil,
End result of all my toil
In these endless, dismal hours before the dawn
Car fire...car fire...
Take my savings to the universe beyond
Ten thousand bucks to buy this shining shell
They built it on a Monday and they did not build it well
And every soul who touched its birth,
If they be still on Earth,
I would set to building Yugos down in Hell
Car fire...car fire...
Its burning neath my hood, I know it well
Car fire...car fire...
Its burning neath my hood, I know that smell")
![Aislinn (Anne Prather) - What the Heck Good is Heaven (If You Dont Have Wings) [HQ]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xQv-PHf-EDk/mqdefault.jpg "Aislinn (Anne Prather) - What the Heck Good is Heaven (If You Dont Have Wings) [HQ]
High Wings track 11. Thanks to rocketman0739 for providing high-quality versions of these songs.
Download the album here: https://archive.org/details/filk_high_wings
Lyrics:
Oh, people see Heaven as many things (singing oh, hallelujah!)
Full of angels with harps that play and sing (singing oh, hallelujah!)
But when I see an angel I say just one thing
I say, What the heck good are angels if they dont have wings?
Oh, if they dont have wings
Now a well-meaning pastor came up to me
He said, What more could you want from Eternity
Than a voice like yours that rises clear and free
To sing the praises of the Trinity?
Oh, the Persians draw angels that make me cry (singing oh, hallelujah!)
They got skinny little wings thatll never fly (singing oh, hallelujah!)
They may have voices to praise their King,
But I say, What the heck good are angels if they dont have wings?
Oh, real flying wings!
Now the roaring of the jets ought to make it clear
That the kingdom of God is really almost here
Werent airplanes what was meant by the King of Kings
When he promised to raise us up on eagles wings?
Oh, Nirvana is some peoples religious goal (singing oh, hallelujah!)
Enlightenment and union with the cosmic whole (singing oh, hallelujah!)
But Nirvana lacks one important thing
I say, What the heck goods Nirvana if you dont have wings?
Oh, real flying wings!
Now Im talking here about a few barrel rolls, some spins, an Immelmann just to top it all off—a sixteen-point inverted slow roll would be a challenge. This levitation is boring!
Oh, Moronis sitting up there on the Temple heights (singing oh, hallelujah!)
His trumpet pointing out past the city lights (singing oh, hallelujah!)
But Moroni in his beauty lacks just one thing
I say, What the heck goods an angel if he dont have wings?
Oh, if he dont have wings
Now the clean-cut missionary on my doorstep said
You must find the truth or youll be lost when youre dead.
I know where Im going when I finally die
I dont want anybodys Heaven if I cant fly
Oh people see Heaven as many things (singing oh, hallelujah!)
Full of angels with harps that play and sing (singing oh, hallelujah!)
Im glad your view of Heaven is a place that sings,
But I say, What the hell good is Heaven if you dont have wings?
Oh, real flying wings!")
