Uploaded September 2016 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago

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Tell me you love me like you did before.

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A FEEL GOOD VIDEO. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT MYSELF. THERE IS NO DARK TWIST. OR PAIN. WHAT HAVE I DONE.

a) I'm sorry I know I promised to upload full videos but I have zero motivation or inspiration lately
b) This was longer originally but while I was editing, I kept cutting it shorter lmao
c) I'm even more sorry for this horrible song cut
d) I stayed up all night editing this, it's 2pm now and I am done with everything
e) you don't understand how much I hate animating text

this was heavily inspired by this beautiful video by Annnachrist: youtube.com/watch?v=1cFJtipr_kY

and s/o to iEmelien for the sparkles I used the shit out of youtube.com/watch?v=mri2A3R27a

TUMBLR: judelaw.co

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I'll use the rest of the desc to... vent? (even though it isn't really a vent) (feel free to ignore this novel)

During the past three or four years, I always felt the need to upload and edit more and more AMVs, to get better and better and nothing I did was good enough for me because I was putting myself under way more pressure than I should have, considering this is just a hobby and something that's supposed to bring me nothing but fun (even though we all know that's not how editing is but you get the idea lmao).
This pressure got even worse because of the huge amount of subscribers my anime channel got, which I was/am totally grateful for but I felt/feel like I'm not good enough to deserve so many subscribers.

Furthermore, I always felt the need to only edit with FMA because that's what most people subscribed for.
So I forced myself to continue editing with it even though I pretty much lost intrest in the footage in 2012/13. Editing became way more of a burden than actual fun. And I hated it but I couldn't get myself to only edit with what I want to edit because I didn't want to disappoint my subscribers. Everytime I uploaded something on this channel, I felt the need to upload something on the AMV channel as well, as stupid as it sounds - which took away the fun I had on this channel as well.
Doing something here was suddenly pressure, too, not because of a subscriber number but because uploading something here meant that I now have to focus on the AMVs again and couldn't touch another live action project until I uploaded an AMV.
I was so close to quit editing. The only thing I truly love doing. It only made me anxious, stressed and just sad. Nothing I did felt right.

Until, one day in October 2013, I read something in a magazine Jude Law said about how he wanted to give up acting because it simply wasn't worth all the stress he had due to paparazzi etc anymore. Just like me, he wanted to give up doing what he loved the most. However, unlike me, who simply was about to give up doing it then, his way of seeing it was 'if I consider giving up doing what I love doing because the work isn't worth it anymore, I simply make the work worth it'. And that's a way of seeing things, I never would have come up with myself.

It just hit me so hard out of nowhere because there was a different way of handling things, I simply didn't see it before. And it honestly helped me so much. And seeing Jude a month later in Henry V, seeing how much he enjoyed acting, inspired me so much. I wanted to be that passionate about editing again.

Since then I focused more and more on only editing with what I love and only doing the videos I actually want to do and this year I was finally able to give up anime editing completely (at least until I really feel like editing with it again).
It took me about 2 years, but I finally was able to let go of all the stress and pain editing caused me for literally nothing, and get back to the pure fun.
And I'm finally getting to a point again where I look at my editing and am like 'hey, this isn't bad and you actually made some progress' instead of hating myself because I'm not worth the attention my stuff gets. And I feel like you can actually see that I'm finally having fun again because my videos do get better.

And even though editing still is kind of pain and uploaded is still stress for me, it got so much better. And all the fun I have creating videos is finally worth the pain and stress that is still there. And I'm only able to enjoy editing again thanks to him and I'll be forever grateful for that.

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
But I sure af will go and get some sleep now.