Uploaded December 2023 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago

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Track 02 of the compilation "not to be here, not to be anywhere"

While putting together this new collection, which is an exploration into my own feelings surrounding the Christmas season, the song Videotape by Radiohead kept coming to mind. It’s always been hard to put my finger on the emotions this song makes me feel. Bittersweet longing and nostalgia mixes with contentment, existential dread mixes with serenity. It mirrors the emotions the holiday season brings up for me. Christmas is something that many childhood memories are attached to. It has a way of summing up my life, like watching a montage of myself and those I’ve loved throughout the year. After sitting down on the piano to play it for the first time, I knew it was the perfect companion to this body of work.

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Lyrics:

When I’m at the pearly gates
This will be on my videotape
My videotape

Mephistopheles is just beneath
He’s reaching up to grab me

This is one for the good days
I have it all here in red, blue, green.
Red, blue, green.

You are my center when I spin away
Out of control on videotape
On videotape
On videotape
On videotape
On videotape
On videotape
On videotape

This is my way of saying goodbye
Cause I can’t do it face to face
I’m talking to you before

No matter what happens now
You shouldn’t be afraid
Because I know today has been
The most perfect day I’ve ever seen

This is my way of saying goodbye
This is my way of saying goodbye
This is my way of saying goodbye
This is my way of saying goodbye