Uploaded August 2025 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
After decades of guiding couples through their most challenging moments, Dr. Bruce Chalmer understands what truly brings relationships to life. With a deeply personal journey from statistics to psychology, Bruce discovered that helping couples navigate intimacy, stability, and the complexities of forgiveness wasn’t just a profession. It was a calling.
In our conversation, Bruce explores profound insights on what makes relationships thrive or fail. He thoughtfully challenges common assumptions, offering the provocative question: “Do you feel alive in your relationship?” Bruce delves into why many couples drift apart, becoming roommates instead of romantic partners, and how they can rekindle lost connections. We also explore how infidelity, while deeply traumatic, can paradoxically create opportunities for renewed intimacy and trust.
This episode is a meditation on the meaning of commitment, why marriage matters very deeply, and how embracing the discomfort of honesty can lead couples toward genuine fulfillment and emotional closeness.
Thank you for listening.
*SHOW LINKS:*
Subscribe: youtube.com/@JeffreyPvanLeeuwen
Support the Show: patreon.com/JeffreyPvanLeeuwen
Listen on Apple Podcast: apple.co/4lLpEXA
Listen on Spotify: spoti.fi/42kcOYy
Follow on X: https://x.com/RealJvanLeeuwen
Follow on Reddit: reddit.com/r/jeffreypvanleeuwen
Follow on Instagram: instagram.com/jeffreypvanleeuwen
Follow on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/jeffreypvanleeuwen
YouTube Playlist: youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOv56NTjNAeK7cUVamIPioSCsr06-vSGG
*OUTLINE:*
00:00 Introduction
01:55 Discovering a Calling in Relationship Therapy
04:13 Career Transitions and Finding Purpose
06:04 Couples Therapy vs. Relationship Therapy: Clarifying Terms
07:55 Coaching vs. Therapy: The Real Differences
09:46 How Couples Therapy Actually Works
12:34 Marriage as a Path to Growth
17:28 Why Marriage Rates Are Declining
21:53 Cultural and Economic Reasons Behind Fewer Marriages
29:22 Why We Still Romanticize Marriage
31:52 Stability vs. Intimacy in Relationships
39:02 Emotional Bank Accounts in Marriage
41:20 Why Being Annoyed is Actually Good
45:10 Understanding the True Value of Marriage
51:16 The Difference Between a Contract and a Covenant
56:33 The Psychological Damage of Infidelity
01:00:06 Forgiveness, Trust, and Moving Forward
01:09:35 Why Faith is Essential in Relationships
01:12:03 Are Humans Biologically Monogamous?
01:20:41 How Do I Know if I’m a Good Partner?
01:32:45 How Can You Tell if a Marriage is Fundamentally Healthy?
01:34:43 When Relationships Feel Like Roommates
01:40:36 Reaching Heaven by Passing Through Hell
01:51:31 When to Seek Couples Therapy
01:58:09 What Relationships Truly Represent
02:05:44 Final Thoughts
*BRUCE CHALMER LINKS:*
Bruce's Website & Books: brucechalmer.com
Couples Therapy in Seven Words Podcast (Apple): podcasts.apple.com/nl/podcast/couples-therapy-in-seven-words/id1517231158?l=en-GB
Couples Therapy in Seven Words Podcast (Spotify): open.spotify.com/show/5oobSIkSXSCVaTAITMTTa7?si=b77adaf04c22495c
*CONTACT LINKS:*
To come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any reason, visit: podcast.jeffreyvanleeuwen.com/p/contact
This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.
After decades of guiding couples through their most challenging moments, Dr. Bruce Chalmer understands what truly brings relationships to life. With a deeply personal journey from statistics to psychology, Bruce discovered that helping couples navigate intimacy, stability, and the complexities of forgiveness wasn’t just a profession. It was a calling.
In our conversation, Bruce explores profound insights on what makes relationships thrive or fail. He thoughtfully challenges common assumptions, offering the provocative question: “Do you feel alive in your relationship?” Bruce delves into why many couples drift apart, becoming roommates instead of romantic partners, and how they can rekindle lost connections. We also explore how infidelity, while deeply traumatic, can paradoxically create opportunities for renewed intimacy and trust.
This episode is a meditation on the meaning of commitment, why marriage matters very deeply, and how embracing the discomfort of honesty can lead couples toward genuine fulfillment and emotional closeness.
Thank you for listening.
*SHOW LINKS:*
Subscribe: youtube.com/@JeffreyPvanLeeuwen
Support the Show: patreon.com/JeffreyPvanLeeuwen
Listen on Apple Podcast: apple.co/4lLpEXA
Listen on Spotify: spoti.fi/42kcOYy
Follow on X: https://x.com/RealJvanLeeuwen
Follow on Reddit: reddit.com/r/jeffreypvanleeuwen
Follow on Instagram: instagram.com/jeffreypvanleeuwen
Follow on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/jeffreypvanleeuwen
YouTube Playlist: youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOv56NTjNAeK7cUVamIPioSCsr06-vSGG
*OUTLINE:*
00:00 Introduction
01:55 Discovering a Calling in Relationship Therapy
04:13 Career Transitions and Finding Purpose
06:04 Couples Therapy vs. Relationship Therapy: Clarifying Terms
07:55 Coaching vs. Therapy: The Real Differences
09:46 How Couples Therapy Actually Works
12:34 Marriage as a Path to Growth
17:28 Why Marriage Rates Are Declining
21:53 Cultural and Economic Reasons Behind Fewer Marriages
29:22 Why We Still Romanticize Marriage
31:52 Stability vs. Intimacy in Relationships
39:02 Emotional Bank Accounts in Marriage
41:20 Why Being Annoyed is Actually Good
45:10 Understanding the True Value of Marriage
51:16 The Difference Between a Contract and a Covenant
56:33 The Psychological Damage of Infidelity
01:00:06 Forgiveness, Trust, and Moving Forward
01:09:35 Why Faith is Essential in Relationships
01:12:03 Are Humans Biologically Monogamous?
01:20:41 How Do I Know if I’m a Good Partner?
01:32:45 How Can You Tell if a Marriage is Fundamentally Healthy?
01:34:43 When Relationships Feel Like Roommates
01:40:36 Reaching Heaven by Passing Through Hell
01:51:31 When to Seek Couples Therapy
01:58:09 What Relationships Truly Represent
02:05:44 Final Thoughts
*BRUCE CHALMER LINKS:*
Bruce's Website & Books: brucechalmer.com
Couples Therapy in Seven Words Podcast (Apple): podcasts.apple.com/nl/podcast/couples-therapy-in-seven-words/id1517231158?l=en-GB
Couples Therapy in Seven Words Podcast (Spotify): open.spotify.com/show/5oobSIkSXSCVaTAITMTTa7?si=b77adaf04c22495c
*CONTACT LINKS:*
To come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any reason, visit: podcast.jeffreyvanleeuwen.com/p/contact
This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.
