CsillaLoli | can't do this anymore | vent @CsillaLoli | Uploaded 8 years ago | Updated 22 seconds ago
"what if I fell to the floor...
...couldn't do this anymore...?"
-
Lately I've been under a lot of pressure - actually for the past two years, almost 3 years I have been under tremendous pressure doing everything in my power to survive another month, but money keeps getting tighter and tighter. I'm worn thin, constantly working as many hours as I can to try and get bills paid on-time - something I'm failing at horribly. I have a 700-something dollar electric bill from the month and past bills I haven't been able to pay. I have a trash bill for 6 months of not being able to pay and somehow I'm suppose to be able to smile through all of this. I haven't had any time to be 24 or even be anything close to my age: I feel tired all the time, but I can't really sleep. I wake up around the same time everyday, regardless of how hard I try to and sleep: I can't.
The only things keeping me from completely losing my sanity is my fiance, who always drags me back to the person I really am; the few friends I have (1 in RL and 5 of the ones I've met here); anime; and fluffy fanfiction. I thought that all that would be enough to keep me from falling apart until this morning.
This morning I woke up sobbing, almost to the point of having a horrible panic attack. I even had to run to the bathroom, out of fear that I was going to vomit... I've had attacks like this before, but never in my sleep (or in the process of waking up 2 hours before I normally wake up)
I just want this part of my life to over already...
I'm tired of taking out my frustrations on my fiance...
-
To the people who keep me from hating what my life has become, you guys have no idea how much I appreciate you being in my life!
Kris, Michi, Midna, Kaity, Ciel, Shori, &Teddy
I love you all!
-
//pretty sure I'm coming down with a cold or something
//I keep coughing
//although it might just be fatigue
//sorry for bringing anyone down
"what if I fell to the floor...
...couldn't do this anymore...?"
-
Lately I've been under a lot of pressure - actually for the past two years, almost 3 years I have been under tremendous pressure doing everything in my power to survive another month, but money keeps getting tighter and tighter. I'm worn thin, constantly working as many hours as I can to try and get bills paid on-time - something I'm failing at horribly. I have a 700-something dollar electric bill from the month and past bills I haven't been able to pay. I have a trash bill for 6 months of not being able to pay and somehow I'm suppose to be able to smile through all of this. I haven't had any time to be 24 or even be anything close to my age: I feel tired all the time, but I can't really sleep. I wake up around the same time everyday, regardless of how hard I try to and sleep: I can't.
The only things keeping me from completely losing my sanity is my fiance, who always drags me back to the person I really am; the few friends I have (1 in RL and 5 of the ones I've met here); anime; and fluffy fanfiction. I thought that all that would be enough to keep me from falling apart until this morning.
This morning I woke up sobbing, almost to the point of having a horrible panic attack. I even had to run to the bathroom, out of fear that I was going to vomit... I've had attacks like this before, but never in my sleep (or in the process of waking up 2 hours before I normally wake up)
I just want this part of my life to over already...
I'm tired of taking out my frustrations on my fiance...
-
To the people who keep me from hating what my life has become, you guys have no idea how much I appreciate you being in my life!
Kris, Michi, Midna, Kaity, Ciel, Shori, &Teddy
I love you all!
-
//pretty sure I'm coming down with a cold or something
//I keep coughing
//although it might just be fatigue
//sorry for bringing anyone down
