Uploaded January 2024 | Updated September 2026, 22 hours ago
SHOW BACKGROUND:
3 Books is an award-winning podcast discussing life's biggest themes through the 3 most formative books of an inspiring guest. Past guests include: Brené Brown, David Sedaris, Malcolm Gladwell, Roxane Gay, Judy Blume, Quentin Tarantino, etc.
GUEST BACKGROUND:
Back in Chapter 101 of ‘3 Books’ we had a magical, eve-of-‘Everything-Everywhere-All-At-Once’-coming-out moment-in-time conversation with creative super-geniuses Daniels — who are Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert. We were discussing the fascinating book 'Sex At Dawn' and our conversation led to discussing Dunbar’s Number.
Dunbar’s Number! Have you heard of Dunbar’s Number? It’s 150! That’s the cognitive limit on the number of social relationships we can have. We, as in humans. Limit, as in our brains can’t handle any more. The number was coined, of course, by Oxford Emeritus Professor, Anthropologist, Evolutionary Psychologist, and General All-Round Super-Genius Robin, yes you guessed it, Dunbar. “There are only eight people with numbers named after them,” Robin says, with a grin. “And the other seven people are dead.” (Shoutout to Avogadro!)
Now: 150 is one in a series of numbers. More intimately: We have 15 ‘shoulders to cry on friends’, those who’d drop everything to help us or for whom we’d drop everything to help. And our cognitively limited brains can handle 500 ‘acquaintances’ and even 5000 ‘total faces.’ But 150? That’s the limit for ‘friends’. No wonder 150 is the average wedding size, it’s the average number of total people who 'see your Christmas card’, and it’s even the average size of 8000-year-old Middle East villages and 1000-year-old English countryside villages.
Once you start seeing this number — it’s hard to stop. But: Why is it important? Well, because friendships, the trust between all of us, it’s … at an all-time low. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy (our guest in Chapter 66!) has declared a ‘loneliness’ epidemic with 1 in 2 adults feeling alone now — higher than ever before in history. (Doesn’t sound too bad till you realize loneliness is worse for our health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day!) Meanwhile, the Harvard Adult Development Study, the longest study ever on happiness, says that friendship and community is the number one source of happiness.
So enter: Robin Dunbar! Wise, cheery, and ever-eloquent, he’s got a massive mind capable of distilling more than five decades of scientific work — and 16 published books including ‘How Religion Evolved’, ‘How Many Friends Does One Person Need?’, and ‘Friends’ — into simple observations, prophecies, and advice on how we can all live richer, more fulfilling lives.
I found this an astoundingly nutritious conversation and we talk about: how to raise children, what HR departments *should* be doing, what you’re doing wrong when you go to the gym, why religion ‘dies during times of peace and revives during times of war’, the death and finding of our deep community, Robin’s 3 most formative books, and much, much, *much* more...
Let’s flip the page into Chapter 132...
-
SUBSCRIBE: bit.ly/2HHWPYg
Hey there,
I'm Neil and I spend a ton of time thinking, writing, podcasting, and speaking about living intentionally. I'm the New York Times bestselling author of six books including The Book of Awesome and The Happiness Equation. I've been lucky to speak at places like TED, SXSW, and Google. And I host a huge passion project called the 3 Books podcast.
Want to read more of my stuff?
https://www.neil.blog/archive/
Want to check out my podcast?
3books.co
Want to learn about my live events?
globalhappiness.org/speaking
Want my monthly book recos?
1000awesomethings.com/reading-club
Want my articles on intentional living?
https://www.neil.blog/newsletter/
I am also on the following drugs:
Facebook: facebook.com/NeilPasricha
Twitter: twitter.com/neilpasricha
Instagram: instagram.com/neilpasricha
Lastly, thanks so much for watching this vid.
👊,
Neil
neil@globalhappiness.org
SHOW BACKGROUND:
3 Books is an award-winning podcast discussing life's biggest themes through the 3 most formative books of an inspiring guest. Past guests include: Brené Brown, David Sedaris, Malcolm Gladwell, Roxane Gay, Judy Blume, Quentin Tarantino, etc.
GUEST BACKGROUND:
Back in Chapter 101 of ‘3 Books’ we had a magical, eve-of-‘Everything-Everywhere-All-At-Once’-coming-out moment-in-time conversation with creative super-geniuses Daniels — who are Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert. We were discussing the fascinating book 'Sex At Dawn' and our conversation led to discussing Dunbar’s Number.
Dunbar’s Number! Have you heard of Dunbar’s Number? It’s 150! That’s the cognitive limit on the number of social relationships we can have. We, as in humans. Limit, as in our brains can’t handle any more. The number was coined, of course, by Oxford Emeritus Professor, Anthropologist, Evolutionary Psychologist, and General All-Round Super-Genius Robin, yes you guessed it, Dunbar. “There are only eight people with numbers named after them,” Robin says, with a grin. “And the other seven people are dead.” (Shoutout to Avogadro!)
Now: 150 is one in a series of numbers. More intimately: We have 15 ‘shoulders to cry on friends’, those who’d drop everything to help us or for whom we’d drop everything to help. And our cognitively limited brains can handle 500 ‘acquaintances’ and even 5000 ‘total faces.’ But 150? That’s the limit for ‘friends’. No wonder 150 is the average wedding size, it’s the average number of total people who 'see your Christmas card’, and it’s even the average size of 8000-year-old Middle East villages and 1000-year-old English countryside villages.
Once you start seeing this number — it’s hard to stop. But: Why is it important? Well, because friendships, the trust between all of us, it’s … at an all-time low. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy (our guest in Chapter 66!) has declared a ‘loneliness’ epidemic with 1 in 2 adults feeling alone now — higher than ever before in history. (Doesn’t sound too bad till you realize loneliness is worse for our health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day!) Meanwhile, the Harvard Adult Development Study, the longest study ever on happiness, says that friendship and community is the number one source of happiness.
So enter: Robin Dunbar! Wise, cheery, and ever-eloquent, he’s got a massive mind capable of distilling more than five decades of scientific work — and 16 published books including ‘How Religion Evolved’, ‘How Many Friends Does One Person Need?’, and ‘Friends’ — into simple observations, prophecies, and advice on how we can all live richer, more fulfilling lives.
I found this an astoundingly nutritious conversation and we talk about: how to raise children, what HR departments *should* be doing, what you’re doing wrong when you go to the gym, why religion ‘dies during times of peace and revives during times of war’, the death and finding of our deep community, Robin’s 3 most formative books, and much, much, *much* more...
Let’s flip the page into Chapter 132...
-
SUBSCRIBE: bit.ly/2HHWPYg
Hey there,
I'm Neil and I spend a ton of time thinking, writing, podcasting, and speaking about living intentionally. I'm the New York Times bestselling author of six books including The Book of Awesome and The Happiness Equation. I've been lucky to speak at places like TED, SXSW, and Google. And I host a huge passion project called the 3 Books podcast.
Want to read more of my stuff?
https://www.neil.blog/archive/
Want to check out my podcast?
3books.co
Want to learn about my live events?
globalhappiness.org/speaking
Want my monthly book recos?
1000awesomethings.com/reading-club
Want my articles on intentional living?
https://www.neil.blog/newsletter/
I am also on the following drugs:
Facebook: facebook.com/NeilPasricha
Twitter: twitter.com/neilpasricha
Instagram: instagram.com/neilpasricha
Lastly, thanks so much for watching this vid.
👊,
Neil
neil@globalhappiness.org
