Uploaded June 2024 | Updated September 2026, 47 minutes ago
Over the last six months I have traveled the darkest and most evil path of my life, the path of sickness unto death and utter despair. For the last six months I have battled Merkel Cell Carcinoma. I avoided traditional medical care and relied on prayer and "alternative medicine" for healing. A couple weeks ago God showed me that to keep looking at more and more methods of alternative healing was still "trusting in man" for my healing and I was led to stop all supplements, but one, B17. Two weeks ago, after seeing a doctor about pain management for late term cancer, my condition deteriorated sharply.
I had always believed that I would endure until the First Resurrection when those "who are alive and are left" are glorified. I thought my testimony for God's Kingdom would be ruined if I did not live in the flesh until then, but especially now if I died of all the "Long Covid" symptoms I have experienced since February 2022. So, I continued to pray for healing.
Finally, by last week, June 9-15 2024, it became clear that I was going down quickly. I could do and eat almost nothing. The tastes of almost all foods had changed and were become repugnant to me. The smallest amount of sugar in anything made the food almost unbearable. I could not even eat my wife's homemade fresh ground wheat bread. It was then that one of my daughters began to make funeral plans for me. My other children quickly began to help. This took a lot of stress off my wife who was dreading making funeral arrangements.
During last week both my wife and I ceased praying for my healing and resigned ourselves to my early death. No longer would our prayers be "My will be done," but "Thy will be done." We had argued with God long enough! I had no appetite at all. Already, from fighting multiple Covid infections from 2021 to now I had gone from 215 to 170 pounds. I lost five pounds alone just last week, and dropped 165. So, I became fey, fated to die and doomed to die in pain, hopefully shortly. I was at peace with early death.
On Father's Day morning I wrote the first verses of Why Have You Forsaken Me. The words in Part A come from Psalm 22. My five children and ten grandchildren came to our house later on Father's Day and I peacefully and joyfully enjoyed their company. At the end of the day I wrote the Part B verses which I entitled "A New Creation" and added to this song.
Then, Monday morning I called my county Coroner to find out what we needed to do in order to have a quick burial without autopsy or doing funeral home arrangements. I wrote to my doctor to prepare one thing the Coroner would need. But... God!
Sometime during the day Monday June 17 2024, I found myself with new faith and new hope that God would heal me. A Christian friend brought me a cancer-healing herb that I had originally planned to take, but then rejected. I began to take it and immediately my appetite began to return. I have felt somewhat less pain in my body too.
Then yesterday I wrote the final words for Part C of the song. I had become encouraged again in Christ Jesus our Savior!
Over the last six months I have traveled the darkest and most evil path of my life, the path of sickness unto death and utter despair. For the last six months I have battled Merkel Cell Carcinoma. I avoided traditional medical care and relied on prayer and "alternative medicine" for healing. A couple weeks ago God showed me that to keep looking at more and more methods of alternative healing was still "trusting in man" for my healing and I was led to stop all supplements, but one, B17. Two weeks ago, after seeing a doctor about pain management for late term cancer, my condition deteriorated sharply.
I had always believed that I would endure until the First Resurrection when those "who are alive and are left" are glorified. I thought my testimony for God's Kingdom would be ruined if I did not live in the flesh until then, but especially now if I died of all the "Long Covid" symptoms I have experienced since February 2022. So, I continued to pray for healing.
Finally, by last week, June 9-15 2024, it became clear that I was going down quickly. I could do and eat almost nothing. The tastes of almost all foods had changed and were become repugnant to me. The smallest amount of sugar in anything made the food almost unbearable. I could not even eat my wife's homemade fresh ground wheat bread. It was then that one of my daughters began to make funeral plans for me. My other children quickly began to help. This took a lot of stress off my wife who was dreading making funeral arrangements.
During last week both my wife and I ceased praying for my healing and resigned ourselves to my early death. No longer would our prayers be "My will be done," but "Thy will be done." We had argued with God long enough! I had no appetite at all. Already, from fighting multiple Covid infections from 2021 to now I had gone from 215 to 170 pounds. I lost five pounds alone just last week, and dropped 165. So, I became fey, fated to die and doomed to die in pain, hopefully shortly. I was at peace with early death.
On Father's Day morning I wrote the first verses of Why Have You Forsaken Me. The words in Part A come from Psalm 22. My five children and ten grandchildren came to our house later on Father's Day and I peacefully and joyfully enjoyed their company. At the end of the day I wrote the Part B verses which I entitled "A New Creation" and added to this song.
Then, Monday morning I called my county Coroner to find out what we needed to do in order to have a quick burial without autopsy or doing funeral home arrangements. I wrote to my doctor to prepare one thing the Coroner would need. But... God!
Sometime during the day Monday June 17 2024, I found myself with new faith and new hope that God would heal me. A Christian friend brought me a cancer-healing herb that I had originally planned to take, but then rejected. I began to take it and immediately my appetite began to return. I have felt somewhat less pain in my body too.
Then yesterday I wrote the final words for Part C of the song. I had become encouraged again in Christ Jesus our Savior!
