Uploaded August 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
"I'm a perfectionist, I get it, but is it really a big deal?" It's worth understanding what perfectionism was actually trying to do in the first place, because that's where the problem starts.
Perfectionism develops as an attempt to solve shame. The logic underneath it makes sense on some level, if I can just be flawless, I won't have anything to be ashamed of. But it backfires almost immediately, because nobody can actually be perfect. So instead of resolving shame, perfectionism ends up manufacturing more of it. You fail. You fall short of a standard you set for yourself, and the message that plays on repeat becomes "I'm not good enough, I'm a failure." That feeds more fear, more anxiety, and often more relationship strain, because the instinct becomes hiding even further instead of letting anyone see the parts that don't measure up.
For a lot of people, perfectionism eventually starts to feel less like a personal standard and more like a prison. It becomes a taskmaster that's never satisfied, always pointing out what's wrong, always finding the next flaw. Another way to think about it is that perfectionism mistrains the conscience. It teaches it a rule that isn't true, unless you're perfect, you've failed, so the conscience starts going off constantly, generating guilt that feels completely real even though it isn't earned. That's false guilt, but it doesn't feel false. It feels like proof.
If this feels familiar, our course, "Never Good Enough: Perfectionism + Complex Trauma" is built to help you work through it. Learn more at timfletcher.ca/evergreen.
"I'm a perfectionist, I get it, but is it really a big deal?" It's worth understanding what perfectionism was actually trying to do in the first place, because that's where the problem starts.
Perfectionism develops as an attempt to solve shame. The logic underneath it makes sense on some level, if I can just be flawless, I won't have anything to be ashamed of. But it backfires almost immediately, because nobody can actually be perfect. So instead of resolving shame, perfectionism ends up manufacturing more of it. You fail. You fall short of a standard you set for yourself, and the message that plays on repeat becomes "I'm not good enough, I'm a failure." That feeds more fear, more anxiety, and often more relationship strain, because the instinct becomes hiding even further instead of letting anyone see the parts that don't measure up.
For a lot of people, perfectionism eventually starts to feel less like a personal standard and more like a prison. It becomes a taskmaster that's never satisfied, always pointing out what's wrong, always finding the next flaw. Another way to think about it is that perfectionism mistrains the conscience. It teaches it a rule that isn't true, unless you're perfect, you've failed, so the conscience starts going off constantly, generating guilt that feels completely real even though it isn't earned. That's false guilt, but it doesn't feel false. It feels like proof.
If this feels familiar, our course, "Never Good Enough: Perfectionism + Complex Trauma" is built to help you work through it. Learn more at timfletcher.ca/evergreen.
