Uploaded February 2023 | Updated September 2026, 23 hours ago
This is a video about facing into the reality of our pain. Acceptance rather than avoidance, and how Justin and Beatrice stumbled upon the ancient Buddhist practice of washing dead bodies. We want to share a personal story about Beatrice's, experience of washing the dead body of our 11-month-old son, Joshua. Importantly Joshua death sparked a decline in Justin's mental and physical health, and importantly, he did not wash his son's death body.
Washing our dead is an ancient practice that goes back millennia. It is a way to honor the dead and to connect with the reality of the end. Prior to the American Civil War, we took care of our own dead, but since then, we have been outsourcing death. However, this ancient practice is still relevant today, and it has a lot to teach us about life and death.
Beatrice faced the pain of Joshua's death and connected with the reality of impermanence by washing his body. This allowed her to be present with his death and to begin the process of letting go. This is a difficult but necessary step in the grieving process.
So, how does this relate to Polyvagal Theory and the vagus nerve? The vagus nerve is responsible for regulating our physiological and emotional responses to stress. Polyvagal Theory suggests that our ability to connect with others is based on the state of our vagus nerve. When we are in a state of safety, our vagus nerve is engaged, and we are able to connect with others. However, when we are in a state of danger, our vagus nerve disengages, and we become disconnected.
Beatrice grieved and cleaned Joshua in a state of calm, peace and serenity. Justin arrived back an hour into this process and his nervous system moved to stress, panic and uncertainty. Two people, one dead child and two very different responses from a nervous system. The parasympathetic response (rest-digest) helped Beatrice and the sympathetic response (fight-flight) would later crush Justin.
Radical acceptance and radical transparency are essential components of washing the dead. When we accept the reality of death and are transparent about our feelings, we can connect with others and engage our vagus nerve. This allows us to experience a sense of safety and to find comfort in our grief.
To close, I want to share this quote from Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg: "Suffering is our common ground. Trying to evade suffering by pretending that things are solid and permanent may give us a temporary sense of control. But this is a painful illusion because life’s conditions are fleeting and impermanent."
Washing the dead allows us to see things as they are and to act accordingly, with wise discernment and love. Just like the Thai meditation master Ajahn Chah, who sees every moment with a glass as precious because he understands that the glass is already broken, washing the dead allows us to cherish every moment with our loved ones and to honor their memory in a meaningful way.
Justin Caffrey is not only an incredible and moving keynote speaker, but also a highly sought after leadership and executive coach. With a Master's in Mindfulness based Interventions, Justin's work on the nervous system, the vagus nerve, mindful awareness, psychological safety and radical acceptance has been viewed over a million times online. He brings a unique and powerful perspective to his coaching, rooted in a deep understanding of the mind-body connection and the science of human behavior. In addition to his Masters, Justin is also a Certified Health and Wellness Coach from the Mayo Clinic and a Buteyko International Clinic. His combination of expertise in mindfulness, wellness, and leadership make him a highly effective coach, and he has helped countless individuals and organizations achieve their goals and reach their full potential.
Thank you for watching this video. I hope it has been informative and helpful.
This is a video about facing into the reality of our pain. Acceptance rather than avoidance, and how Justin and Beatrice stumbled upon the ancient Buddhist practice of washing dead bodies. We want to share a personal story about Beatrice's, experience of washing the dead body of our 11-month-old son, Joshua. Importantly Joshua death sparked a decline in Justin's mental and physical health, and importantly, he did not wash his son's death body.
Washing our dead is an ancient practice that goes back millennia. It is a way to honor the dead and to connect with the reality of the end. Prior to the American Civil War, we took care of our own dead, but since then, we have been outsourcing death. However, this ancient practice is still relevant today, and it has a lot to teach us about life and death.
Beatrice faced the pain of Joshua's death and connected with the reality of impermanence by washing his body. This allowed her to be present with his death and to begin the process of letting go. This is a difficult but necessary step in the grieving process.
So, how does this relate to Polyvagal Theory and the vagus nerve? The vagus nerve is responsible for regulating our physiological and emotional responses to stress. Polyvagal Theory suggests that our ability to connect with others is based on the state of our vagus nerve. When we are in a state of safety, our vagus nerve is engaged, and we are able to connect with others. However, when we are in a state of danger, our vagus nerve disengages, and we become disconnected.
Beatrice grieved and cleaned Joshua in a state of calm, peace and serenity. Justin arrived back an hour into this process and his nervous system moved to stress, panic and uncertainty. Two people, one dead child and two very different responses from a nervous system. The parasympathetic response (rest-digest) helped Beatrice and the sympathetic response (fight-flight) would later crush Justin.
Radical acceptance and radical transparency are essential components of washing the dead. When we accept the reality of death and are transparent about our feelings, we can connect with others and engage our vagus nerve. This allows us to experience a sense of safety and to find comfort in our grief.
To close, I want to share this quote from Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg: "Suffering is our common ground. Trying to evade suffering by pretending that things are solid and permanent may give us a temporary sense of control. But this is a painful illusion because life’s conditions are fleeting and impermanent."
Washing the dead allows us to see things as they are and to act accordingly, with wise discernment and love. Just like the Thai meditation master Ajahn Chah, who sees every moment with a glass as precious because he understands that the glass is already broken, washing the dead allows us to cherish every moment with our loved ones and to honor their memory in a meaningful way.
Justin Caffrey is not only an incredible and moving keynote speaker, but also a highly sought after leadership and executive coach. With a Master's in Mindfulness based Interventions, Justin's work on the nervous system, the vagus nerve, mindful awareness, psychological safety and radical acceptance has been viewed over a million times online. He brings a unique and powerful perspective to his coaching, rooted in a deep understanding of the mind-body connection and the science of human behavior. In addition to his Masters, Justin is also a Certified Health and Wellness Coach from the Mayo Clinic and a Buteyko International Clinic. His combination of expertise in mindfulness, wellness, and leadership make him a highly effective coach, and he has helped countless individuals and organizations achieve their goals and reach their full potential.
Thank you for watching this video. I hope it has been informative and helpful.
