PokeLSouma | Vent | Be With You Tonight @PokeLSouma | Uploaded March 2019 | Updated October 2024, 2 days ago.
I'm.. so fucking tired. It's 6am and I haven't been getting enough sleep in over a week. I don't know what "being awake" means anymore but I just.. can't

I miss you so fucking much. Tonight has been the worst ever since it actually happend...I just.. still cannot really grasp that you're gone, but it still hurt. We weren't even super close but we had just started talking more frequently... I wish we could've talked more. I wish I had known you better. I just wish... I had known more about your struggles, I wish I could've been there for you more, give you a hand. I knew you were not in the best place but I just... know so little and it makes everything worse.

The 15 minutes of waiting for an update were the worst 15 minutes of my life... and then waiting for yet another update, only to find out... it wasn't enough... it hurts too much to think about. It feels unreal. And now, watching my friends hurt even more is the absolut worst. I feel useless. I want to do something but I just... can't. I hate it.

Honestly I'm unable to form any kind of coherent sentence but I just miss you. So much. And I hope that someday I will be able to make an edit in your honor, one day I'll make something to honor how wonderful you were. How happy you made those around you, how funny and sweet and caring and supportive you were. One day. But for now I'll just go back to crying and missing you and hurting. I'm sorry..