trainerlyra | this side of paradise || happy birthday rowan! @trainerlyra3 | Uploaded 3 years ago | Updated 1 day ago
........PART 1 :D
i know you are almost definitely expecting this, but happy birthday, rowan!!!! this year, our lil pcs collabs have grown so much bigger - and i'm so happy about it! it went from just the four of us to so many... sniff our little fam has gotten so big, all thanks to you!
the big doc is in the other upload, so i'll just say a few things here:
thank you so much for being my friend, rowan! we all love you so much and are so grateful you get to be part of our lives!!! thank you for being you, and i hope you get to enjoy this special day!!!!! you deserve all of the love today (and every day!!!!!!), happy birthday!!!!
and thanks to the pcs crew for joining me in this!!!! as always lol.
1 - Red the Mudkip || madomami / madoka
2 - Xx Danger-Chan Xx || subaru x ram / re:zero
3 - me || hachiyui / oregairu
4 - me || shirou x rin / fate: ubw
5 - strawberry roses || lenrin / vocaloid
6 - PokeLSouma || asushin / nge
7 - SilentStormfall || shuann / persona 5
........PART 1 :D
i know you are almost definitely expecting this, but happy birthday, rowan!!!! this year, our lil pcs collabs have grown so much bigger - and i'm so happy about it! it went from just the four of us to so many... sniff our little fam has gotten so big, all thanks to you!
the big doc is in the other upload, so i'll just say a few things here:
thank you so much for being my friend, rowan! we all love you so much and are so grateful you get to be part of our lives!!! thank you for being you, and i hope you get to enjoy this special day!!!!! you deserve all of the love today (and every day!!!!!!), happy birthday!!!!
and thanks to the pcs crew for joining me in this!!!! as always lol.
1 - Red the Mudkip || madomami / madoka
2 - Xx Danger-Chan Xx || subaru x ram / re:zero
3 - me || hachiyui / oregairu
4 - me || shirou x rin / fate: ubw
5 - strawberry roses || lenrin / vocaloid
6 - PokeLSouma || asushin / nge
7 - SilentStormfall || shuann / persona 5
![when you said hello || mep collection 21 [2023 part 1]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/yY1t7FGGWNU/hqdefault.jpg "when you said hello || mep collection 21 [2023 part 1]
me the last 2 years: yeah idk i just dont really feel the need to join meps anymore? im content just doing birthdays/occasional friend meps :) i have so much time to make my own edits if i want to and do other things if i dont :)
me this year, flying close to the sun:
truly idk what happened. i was pretty content with my non studio life where i was just vibing but then i joined pikachus jukebox and it all went downhill from there. thanks you guys for ruining my peace
so here we are! heres the first half of this years mep parts. i had fun with a lot of these? there honestly werent many parts this year i didnt enjoy editing. forever and always, i will come back to this hobby LOL i can never escape it. been here too long. like i joke about my irl friendships if it survived through teenage years its stuck to you for good. and truly we are coming up on.......18 years................. of editing.........................? something. like. that. jesus christ almighty. ik i was 7 when i first tried editing but got really into it in. 2006? so i stick to that bc its somehow less embarrassing then explaining ive been terminally online practically since i was out of the womb
more comprehensive list of things this year from the last collection upload:
- didnt publish much fic this year, but im proud of what i did publish!
- that being said i still managed TWO MONTHS of 50k in the month so that was rad af (camp nanowrimo july & nanowrimo). would really like to push for publishing 250k next year
- be a happier person than i am, dont get into jjk. it consumed me entirely
- started therapy again, started taking medication again, who knows how its going, i sure dont
- i finished A LOT of games this year! so many! many a longform rpg which i am particularly proud of
- am almost to my goal of 25 books this year, i think i can make it in the last week :D
- i got diagnosed with eds this year, which solves like 95% of why i was so unlucky with chronic illness/injuries my whole life. everything makes sense now
and thats all i guess LOL this year was very weird and feels very short. not a lot happened but at the same time MANY things happened. ill upload the second part of this collection next week probs as theres a few things that cant be seen yet pff. peace out")
![i miss you, im so sorry || aoi & miyu [vent]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/yv08zn5Smvs/hqdefault.jpg "i miss you, im so sorry || aoi & miyu [vent]
i wake up every morning and part of me feels empty. this week and a few days without you has been a hell that i wasnt ever expecting to have to go through. i know we didnt talk every day; sometimes, we would even go months without speaking much, but since we became close, ive always thought of you like a little sister. you had been through... so many terrible hardships. so much trauma and hurt. and maybe i didnt understand the extent, but i like to think i understood a little. of the feelings.
i wanted to be... something to look forward to, i guess. a nice reminder for you that. that it could get better, that if you just stuck it out just a little longer, it would end up being okay. and i really thought, especially lately, it was okay. it was getting better and things were getting easier for you. we were talking often again, had a group chat going and had even more things to talk about, and school seemed manageable..
ive been rereading messages and trying to figure out where i went wrong. where we all went wrong. was there any signs? did you hide it too well, and so we were left blind sided? to find out that despite getting you into the hospital, despite trying our damn hardest to make sure you were going to be okay, we had failed was... one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. for hours, i just sat and cried. i couldnt do anything other than that. i couldnt think of anything other than that.
a week later, and im still in shock. every so often, ill just pause what im doing and burst into tears. i miss you, more than youll ever know. more than you can know. because youre gone, and ill never get to tell you how much i cared about you and how important you are to me.
i keep.. wondering if i had done something wrong, if i could have done something differently. i was away for a few days when it happened, so if i had just been on twitter more would i have noticed? would something have changed? these thoughts are constantly on loop in my head.
god. i miss you. i miss talking to you, and laughing with you. you had just caught up on vrains for me, and i loved talking to you about it. i know how much you wanted aoi and miyu to meet again, so i couldnt help but think of them when i was trying to figure out a way to get my feelings out.
i feel like im ready to burst. im too tired to cry half the time because ive barely slept since you died. im trying my hardest to keep it together for myself and for everyone else but its so hard. im tired. im so, so tired. and i miss you. i miss you so much. just knowing there was someone as kind and gentle as you in the world made everyones lives a little bit brighter. you did so much for everyone you talked to, i wish you saw yourself the way we all saw you: as the kind, beautiful soul you were.
i hope youre comfortable now, wherever you are. i hope youre a little happier and a little lighter now. rest in peace, hope. thank you for all your years of friendship. i will never forget you.
[edit] sorry if some of my replies are..lackluster. my energy is practically burnt out. to everyone, though, thank you. it really means so much to me that i have. so many people that care about me and have reached out. seriously, thank you all.")
![[VRAINS SPOILERS] twists and turns of fate || yugioh vrains tribute](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/zsvcmwpCdns/hqdefault.jpg "[VRAINS SPOILERS] twists and turns of fate || yugioh vrains tribute
MAJOR SPOILER WARNING FOR THE FINAL EPISODE, DONT WATCH UNLESS YOUVE SEEN IT/WANT TO BE SPOILED. I SPECIFICALLY CHOSE A NON SPOILER THUMBNAIL YOURE WELCOME
anyways. i did this in the last 45 minutes. its nothing special. it only took that long because its hard to see through my tears. ive been crying all morning. yes. really.
i love this show. i love this show so much. this stupid show has become my number one and it really means the world to me. they gave us an amazing ending considering the circumstances. im vaguely hopeful about seeing yusaku and everyone again, even, but i dont want to talk about that right now because ill start blubbering like a 2 year old again.
instead, i want to talk a little bit more about these characters. and say thank you.
thank you, yusaku, for giving me the strength to learn and grow past my own trauma. your struggle and story really resonated with me, and because of you, i was able to start moving forward.
thank you, ryoken, for giving me hope. for showing me how to live properly, as to not shame the people who went on before me, and for showing me that having a good heart is all you need, sometimes.
thank you, aoi, for showing me how important friendship can be to ones motivations, and that an understanding and loving person is always better than someone who wins but never grows.
thank you, takeru, for showing me its okay to grieve. its okay to take my time and theres nothing wrong with that. so long as i am still trying, there will always be people who care about me.
and thank you ai. for showing me friendship. for showing me love. for showing me that its always possible to connect, no matter who or what you are, so long as you want to.
thank you, vrains. thank you for making me new friends, for helping me bond better with my old ones, for giving me my creative drive back. for helping me find my strength when i thought i had none. for helping me grow as a person and to learn to love myself, if only just a little bit. thank you for everything.
for one last time, into the VRAINS!")
