Uploaded April 2024 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago
A small sample of quips and observations that the Duke of Edinburgh has made over the years:
▪️ "If it has four legs and is not a chair, if it has two wings and flies but is not an aeroplane, if it swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it." To the World Wildlife Fund.
▪️ "Do you still throw spears at each other?" To an Australian aboriginal leader.
▪️ "Ghastly." On Beijing.
▪️ "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?" To a Scottish driving instructor.
▪️ "Reichskanzler." Addressing Germany's leader.
▪️ "It looks like a tart's bedroom." On plans for the interior of a house for the Duke and Duchess of York.
▪️ "There's a lot of your family in tonight." After glancing at a business chief's name badge during a reception for 200 British Indians.
▪️ "And what exotic part of the world do you come from?" To a politician whose parents were Jamaican.
▪️ "Ghastly." On Stoke-on-Trent.
▪️ "Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you're deaf." To a group of deaf children standing near a Caribbean steel drum band.
▪️ "If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested." Of his daughter Princess Anne.
▪️ "You managed not to get eaten then?" During a visit to Papua New Guinea, to a student who had trekked in the interior.
▪️ "You're not wearing mink knickers, are you?" To a fashion writer at a World Wildlife Fund gathering.
▪️ "Ah, so this is feminist corner." To a group of female MPs.
▪️ "I thought it was against the law these days for a woman to solicit." To a woman solicitor.
▪️ "This could only happen in a technical college." On being stuck in a lift at Heriot Watt University.
▪️ "It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons." On being shown Ethiopian art.
▪️ "A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now that everybody's got more leisure, they're complaining they're unemployed." On the early 1980s recession.
▪️ "British women can't cook." To the Women's Institute.
▪️ "We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun, asking, 'Are you all right? Are you sure you don't have a ghastly problem?'" On stress counselling for servicemen.
▪️ "It's a vast waste of space." On a new modernist embassy in Berlin.
▪️ "The problem with London is the tourists." At the opening of City Hall.
▪️ "A pissometer?" Renaming of the piezometer water gauge.
▪️ "Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species." Accepting a conservation award in Thailand.
▪️ "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" In the Cayman Islands.
▪️ "The French don't know how to cook breakfast." After breakfasting on bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, and kedgeree.
▪️ "So who's on drugs here? HE looks as if he's on drugs." To a member of a Bangladeshi youth club.
▪️ "You have mosquitoes. I have the Press." To a hospital matron in the Caribbean.
▪️ "Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard." To a fashion designer.
▪️ "So you're responsible for the kind of crap Channel Four produces." To the chairman of the channel.
▪️ "I suppose I would get in a lot of trouble if I were to melt them down." On being shown a football club's trophy collection.
▪️ "I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." To a group of industrialists.
▪️ "Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practised for a good many years." To the General Dental Council.
A small sample of quips and observations that the Duke of Edinburgh has made over the years:
▪️ "If it has four legs and is not a chair, if it has two wings and flies but is not an aeroplane, if it swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it." To the World Wildlife Fund.
▪️ "Do you still throw spears at each other?" To an Australian aboriginal leader.
▪️ "Ghastly." On Beijing.
▪️ "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?" To a Scottish driving instructor.
▪️ "Reichskanzler." Addressing Germany's leader.
▪️ "It looks like a tart's bedroom." On plans for the interior of a house for the Duke and Duchess of York.
▪️ "There's a lot of your family in tonight." After glancing at a business chief's name badge during a reception for 200 British Indians.
▪️ "And what exotic part of the world do you come from?" To a politician whose parents were Jamaican.
▪️ "Ghastly." On Stoke-on-Trent.
▪️ "Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you're deaf." To a group of deaf children standing near a Caribbean steel drum band.
▪️ "If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested." Of his daughter Princess Anne.
▪️ "You managed not to get eaten then?" During a visit to Papua New Guinea, to a student who had trekked in the interior.
▪️ "You're not wearing mink knickers, are you?" To a fashion writer at a World Wildlife Fund gathering.
▪️ "Ah, so this is feminist corner." To a group of female MPs.
▪️ "I thought it was against the law these days for a woman to solicit." To a woman solicitor.
▪️ "This could only happen in a technical college." On being stuck in a lift at Heriot Watt University.
▪️ "It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons." On being shown Ethiopian art.
▪️ "A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now that everybody's got more leisure, they're complaining they're unemployed." On the early 1980s recession.
▪️ "British women can't cook." To the Women's Institute.
▪️ "We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun, asking, 'Are you all right? Are you sure you don't have a ghastly problem?'" On stress counselling for servicemen.
▪️ "It's a vast waste of space." On a new modernist embassy in Berlin.
▪️ "The problem with London is the tourists." At the opening of City Hall.
▪️ "A pissometer?" Renaming of the piezometer water gauge.
▪️ "Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species." Accepting a conservation award in Thailand.
▪️ "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" In the Cayman Islands.
▪️ "The French don't know how to cook breakfast." After breakfasting on bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, and kedgeree.
▪️ "So who's on drugs here? HE looks as if he's on drugs." To a member of a Bangladeshi youth club.
▪️ "You have mosquitoes. I have the Press." To a hospital matron in the Caribbean.
▪️ "Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard." To a fashion designer.
▪️ "So you're responsible for the kind of crap Channel Four produces." To the chairman of the channel.
▪️ "I suppose I would get in a lot of trouble if I were to melt them down." On being shown a football club's trophy collection.
▪️ "I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." To a group of industrialists.
▪️ "Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practised for a good many years." To the General Dental Council.
