Uploaded June 2026 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
Three years since the divorce was finalized, and you're still grinding your teeth at night and apologizing for things that aren't your fault. What is going on? In this episode of the Divorced Christian Woman Podcast, Natalie Hoffman and Diana Swillinger tackle one of the most common and confusing questions from women who have finally gotten out: why doesn't leaving make it stop?
Your brain knows the marriage is over. But your body hasn't gotten that memo yet. And even when it does, it's not flipping a switch for anybody. This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation on survival mode after divorce, and it begins with understanding why you're still in it and what it's doing to your daily life.
🔑 Key Takeaways:
- What did Natalie's nervous system do while she was sitting in a Sicilian villa on a dream trip, and what does it reveal about why you can't just "move on"?
- There is a specific type of trauma that forms inside long, destructive marriages, and once you understand what it is, everything about your body's behavior starts to make sense.
- Six survival patterns that might be showing up in your daily life right now without you even recognizing them as trauma responses.
- Why the self-judgment you feel for not being "over it" isn't a character flaw. It's something that was handed to you, and tracing it back to the source changes everything.
- Diana froze completely for two days after a single casual sentence in a conversation. What she chose to do about it is worth hearing.
Related Resources:
- Flying Higher (https://joinflyinghigher.com) is our live mentorship program for Christian women pursuing increased confidence in their relationships, emotional management, decision making, and self-development. Join us for live classes, coaching, Bible study, and book studies every month. Plus access to a huge library of education and coaching resources. Only $59/month.
Be sure to check out Diana’s podcast, Renew Your Mind! (dianaswillinger.com/renew-your-mind-podcast/)
Do you have a question for the Divorced Christian Woman Podcast? Send me an email! natalie@flyingfreenow.com
Three years since the divorce was finalized, and you're still grinding your teeth at night and apologizing for things that aren't your fault. What is going on? In this episode of the Divorced Christian Woman Podcast, Natalie Hoffman and Diana Swillinger tackle one of the most common and confusing questions from women who have finally gotten out: why doesn't leaving make it stop?
Your brain knows the marriage is over. But your body hasn't gotten that memo yet. And even when it does, it's not flipping a switch for anybody. This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation on survival mode after divorce, and it begins with understanding why you're still in it and what it's doing to your daily life.
🔑 Key Takeaways:
- What did Natalie's nervous system do while she was sitting in a Sicilian villa on a dream trip, and what does it reveal about why you can't just "move on"?
- There is a specific type of trauma that forms inside long, destructive marriages, and once you understand what it is, everything about your body's behavior starts to make sense.
- Six survival patterns that might be showing up in your daily life right now without you even recognizing them as trauma responses.
- Why the self-judgment you feel for not being "over it" isn't a character flaw. It's something that was handed to you, and tracing it back to the source changes everything.
- Diana froze completely for two days after a single casual sentence in a conversation. What she chose to do about it is worth hearing.
Related Resources:
- Flying Higher (https://joinflyinghigher.com) is our live mentorship program for Christian women pursuing increased confidence in their relationships, emotional management, decision making, and self-development. Join us for live classes, coaching, Bible study, and book studies every month. Plus access to a huge library of education and coaching resources. Only $59/month.
Be sure to check out Diana’s podcast, Renew Your Mind! (dianaswillinger.com/renew-your-mind-podcast/)
Do you have a question for the Divorced Christian Woman Podcast? Send me an email! natalie@flyingfreenow.com
![Narcissist? Or Just Plain Evil? (Know the Difference!) - The Narcissism Trap Series Part Two [367]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tHoG8d9BQDE/mqdefault.jpg "Narcissist? Or Just Plain Evil? (Know the Difference!) - The Narcissism Trap Series Part Two [367]
In this second episode of The Narcissism Trap series, we open up the DSM-5 and walk through the actual clinical criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder but with a crucial twist.
🎯 Key Takeaways:
- The diagnosis youre hunting for might be the least of your problems. Even if your partner doesnt meet all nine DSM-5 criteria for NPD, you can still be experiencing serious harm in your relationship.
- Everyone has narcissistic traits, but its about pattern, pervasiveness, and pathology. The difference between normal self-esteem and a personality disorder comes down to whether the behavior is consistent, shows up everywhere, and causes real damage.
- Not all narcissists look the same. Grandiose narcissists bulldoze you with charm and dominance. Vulnerable narcissists guilt-trip you with sensitivity and victimhood. Both cause devastation.
- Youre likely dealing with coercive control, not just a difficult personality. This systematic pattern of isolation, gaslighting, financial control, and micro-regulation is psychological warfare, and its actually a criminal offense in some countries.
- The label matters less than the behavior. Whether hes a clinical narcissist, has traits from the Dark Triad, or is just plain abusive, what matters is the harm youre experiencing, and you dont need a diagnosis to know its not okay.
- Stop waiting for him to be diagnosed. Narcissistic traits are ego-syntonic” which means he sees them as strengths, not problems. Hell never walk into a therapists office asking for help, which means you cant wait for professional validation to seek safety.
Get Today’s Free Resource:
📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com
I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
🦋 Join me and hundreds of other Christian women for the transformation of your life inside the Flying Free Kaleidoscope! Learn more at joinflyingfree.com")
![Why Your Empathy is a Superpower (and a TARGET!) - High Functioning Women Series Part Two [375]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tkjpyY3-qno/mqdefault.jpg "Why Your Empathy is a Superpower (and a TARGET!) - High Functioning Women Series Part Two [375]
This is Part Two of my series on high-functioning Christian women in destructive marriages. In Part One, we explored how the very qualities that make these women extraordinary are the same ones that make them exceptionally vulnerable. Today were going deeper into one of the most specific and targeted of those qualities: empathy.
If youve ever felt like your compassion is working against you, like the more you understand him, the more stuck you become, this episode will show you exactly whats happening underneath that cycle. And it will start to give you a way out.
🔑 Key Takeaways:
- Why does understanding his pain seem to pull you closer to danger instead of toward safety? The answer will reframe everything you thought you knew about your own compassion.
- Theres a biological metaphor in this episode that explains precisely how your God-given empathy gets hijacked, and once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
- What does a scapegoat have to do with your marriage? Natalie unpacks a family systems concept that might explain why you always end up holding everyone elses chaos.
- Theres a trap that was specifically designed to make every exit feel impossible. Natalie names it, and then shows you the crack in the wall.
- Whats the difference between empathy and enabling, and why does that distinction change everything about how you move forward? The answer might surprise you.
Get Today’s Free Resource:
📒 Take a free Emotional Abuse Assessment by going to emotionalabusequiz.com
I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.")
![Can AI Help Christian Women in Emotionally Abusive Marriages? [364]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/u4CSs3uSRAI/mqdefault.jpg "Can AI Help Christian Women in Emotionally Abusive Marriages? [364]
What if an AI could help you organize your abuse evidence, understand your trauma, and save you thousands in legal fees?
Aimee Says isnt just another AI tool—its a specialized digital health platform that understands power and control dynamics, helps you document patterns of abuse, organizes your evidence for court, and keeps your data completely private and encrypted. Whether youre trying to understand whats happening in your marriage, preparing for custody battles, or just need someone to help you see the patterns you cant yet name, this tool could change everything.
🔑 Key Takeaways:
- Privacy matters: Unlike ChatGPT, Aimee Says doesnt use your data to train AI models, and your conversations are encrypted and completely private which is critical when youre dealing with abuse.
- Specialized training: Aimee is educated in power and control dynamics, trauma-informed care, family court systems, and the intersection of faith and abuse.
- Timeline and documentation: The paid version tracks everything you tell it, creates timelines of abuse, identifies patterns, and organizes evidence in ways that family court judges and attorneys actually want to see.
- Removes the emotion: Aimee takes your raw, emotional experiences and translates them into clean, professional documentation that wont trigger the allergic reaction judges have to trauma responses.
- You are the one rescuing you: The women who fare best are those who stop waiting for someone else to save them and use tools like this to take back control of their own stories.
Get Today’s Free Resource:
🧐 Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote a book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage. Get a free chapter by going to isitmebook.com
I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
Anne Wintemute is the Co-Founder and CEO of Aimee Says, the AI companion for victims and survivors of domestic violence. She is a fierce champion for the rights of survivors and children, and systems that hold perpetrators accountable.
Prior to working with survivors, Anne founded and directed an elementary school that became a model for micro-schools across the United States. In her spare time, she enjoys urban homesteading with her partner and their blended family in Denver, Colorado.")
