Uploaded September 2024 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago

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Hello Edgar it was good to see you at the occasion of
Your twenty first birthday celebration tonight
I know that youve got a bright future ahead of you As evidenced by your character and intuition.
In the tradition of philosophers that we have oft Discussed at family gatherings and holidays and such. I'd like to pass on some tidbits of wisdom as the World is not an oyster equally for all of us, in this life.

Always keep a pen or pencil in your pocket and Never show up to a party without a bottle of wine. Dress up well like you were meant to be there lest you Give the bastards another reason to grind you down.
Don't make eye contact with people on the sidewalk and
Hold your money closely when pick pockets abound
Give your seat up to pregnant strangers on the subway
If you consider yourself a real New Yorker

Cut your hair, twice a month, at least that's what my mother says.
Take an extra pair of socks when you go on a journey, at least That's what I've been telling myself these days in purgatory That's why I am telling you to learn from my mistakes my good man.

Don't apologize for someone else's fuck ups
And keep a healthy distance from folks who cut in line. Keep a record of the people who have crossed you, so you can get sweet revenge on your own damn time.
Don't check your emails after 7pm, dear God
Cause ignorance is the the better part of valor,
Leave your bartender a healthy tip this evening If you want to stay on the good side of karma.

Keep a joke and story at the tips of your fingers, and
Count the beer and liquor you consume at a work function, at least, That's what Ive been telling myself these days in purgatory.
That's why I am telling you to learn from my mistakes in this life.

Spend your early years on the letter of the law and never Turn your nose at tasks that you think are too far beneath you. You'll find that attitude is really self destructive and Breeds a sense of arrogance That people can smell on you. Don't underestimate the tendency of humans to keep on Disappointing you at every waking opportunity.
You'll find the wheel crushes the winners and the losers, and it Does so with a sense of bald impunity.

Like the sun in Versailles its a part of a system man,
Destiny and planets all aligned up on the ceilings. At least That's what they were telling me when i arrived at law school, thats what they were selling down at Vanderbilt Hall Like the sun in the sky it's a part of a system man
Everything under heaven a reflection in the distance.
Just like Socrates and his Gold and Bronze mythology
That's what they were telling me when I was just your age in college.

Goodbye Edgar it was good to see you at the occasion
Of your twenty first birthday celebration tonight I'm sure that youve got a bright future ahead of you As evidenced by your vigor and invention.
In the tradition of those ancient philosophers you've Read about and recounted over spring breaks and such. I hope youll take on these tidbits of wisdom as the World is not an oyster equally for all of us, in this life.

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