Uploaded May 2025 | Updated September 2026, 6 days ago

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nyahaha, it's me again. enjoy the 8 hours vod!! this is the vod i was talking about where i lay on my bed for a little i think

i've been going to school for the past couple of months in an attempt to solidify my financial future, as i have realized that hoping to die by 30 is no longer a viable life plan. i was surprised to reach 20, and then i was surprised to reach 25, and now with my birthday in literally a week it's looking like im at LEAST gonna hit 28. which is scarily close to 30 soooo...

it's a little strange, because i've only ever done retail jobs and... this. which is actually quite similar to retail in a lot of ways! but it's scary attempting to better myself, because i have this complex where i really hate being bad at things and i REALLY hate failing, to the extent that i would rather not try to do something if there's the slightest possibility i fail. i've been trying to move past this persistant feeling for a while now, and it feels like i'm actually making process.

that's not to say that the feeling is completely gone though. a lot of times i'll be studying and think to myself, "am i REALLY thinking that i'm going to be able to do this professionally? me? seems kinda unlikely!" at this point though i've accepted that it's just The Voice :tm:, and i shouldn't listen to it.

i hope maybe this helps someone out there with a similar problem. i know it's hard to believe you can do something new and scary after being complacent for so long, but you can do anything you put your mind to!