Phil the Conquistadork | Resident Evil 7 | Review | When Do You Go From "Loving Husband" To Complete Idiot? @ElConquistadork | Uploaded February 2017 | Updated October 2024, 7 hours ago.
Resident Evil 7 is a game about love. Stupid, stupid love. This is Mia: she’s your wife. And she’s been kidnapped by a family of hillbilly mold zombies. And you’ve got to save her.
Because… you… love her. I guess. I mean, you’d better with what you go through.
Only a week after its release, Resident Evil 7 is being hailed as a breath of fresh air in an IP that was getting too far from its horror roots, and it is definitely that. It’s a shot in the arm that the franchise needed, and I loved every moment of it. And I know what you’re saying: you’re saying “Phil--you peed your pants like a 2 week old Chihuahua when you were playing Five Nights At Freddy’s: Sister Location. What good reason could you possibly have to play what is being called the scariest Resident Evil in 20 years?”
And my answer is simple: First, Chihuahuas don’t wear pants. That’s a stupid simile and you should be ashamed, person I just made up.
Second, Resident Evil 7 has more in common with Amnesia and Alien Isolation, where the atmosphere is key. You build up dread like towers of non-dairy creamer at the Waffle House: piece by piece. Until suddenly something comes screaming out of the darkness and you scream and your cat screams and you both have a good cathartic laugh and your waitress is pissed because you’ve spilled coffee everywhere.
This is opposed to jump scare horror that’s so prevalent in games nowadays: one scream after another, taking full advantage of your fight or flight instinct, until you’re basically immune to it. Because jump scares are like milkshakes: you need to give yourself some time between them to build up the anticipation and enjoyment you can get from them. Otherwise you just end up numb to their enjoyment, possibly sporting an eating disorder. And if there’s anything that Resident Evil 7 gets right, it’s the pacing.
Resident Evil 7 has traded its fast action and mansions for a crawl through a run down house in the bayous of Louisiana, and it’s more twisted than a Jeffrey Dahmer coloring book. And that brings us back to Mia. Lovely, lovely Mia. Mia got caught up in some trouble.
(Clip)
So you, being a doting (or stupid) husband, track her down to a charming locale in the swamp, where you meet the Bakers. The Bakers are the best part of Resident Evil 7. A twisted family of cannibals straight out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Bakers are essentially what would happen if you gave a family full of Breitbart readers the ability to regenerate, create fungal monsters, and command insects to do their bidding. You spend the vast majority of the game switching between fighting them and hiding from them, and they make for superb villains.
(Clip)
I’ve made a point to compare Resident Evil 7 to the more helpless, survival horror games of the past 10 years, but the truth is that while the combat is scaled down, the general tenants of the Resident Evil franchise are still as plain as day. The camp, the over-the-top plotlines: hell, even some of the humor is still retained. I think it’s important to point that out, because based on the playable demos leading up to its release, there were plenty of people who wondered why this wasn’t just turned into its own IP. It seemed completely unrelated from the previous games. Why Resident Evil? Why not make a new game called Denizen Nasty? Or Habitant Bad?
But the connection is definitely there, and it becomes pretty obvious once you get into it. Between the elaborate keys, puzzles, and scavenging nature of the gameplay, there’s no reason to wonder exactly how this game connects to previous entries, even if you don’t kill zombies.
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Or follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/ElConquistadork
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Here's what you're going to get at ElConquistadork:
Thought-provoking geek commentary that smells vaguely of gin and smoke. Game reviews and Let's Plays that cover everything from the super indie to the AAA to the "made around 700 years ago" category.
Phil The Conquistadork also maintains a healthy love to interacting with his audiences when they aren't assholes (and sometimes when they are).
What you will not get at ElConquistadork: ugliness (the host's face notwithstanding), drama (the host's bank account notwithstanding), or cat videos.
...Huh? He's put a cat in a few of his videos already? Shit.
......Okay, maybe you'll get a few cat videos.
"Sneak A Little Drinky" written and performed by The Butterscotch Bros: Carlos Avendano and Dan Ross.
Resident Evil 7 is a game about love. Stupid, stupid love. This is Mia: she’s your wife. And she’s been kidnapped by a family of hillbilly mold zombies. And you’ve got to save her.
Because… you… love her. I guess. I mean, you’d better with what you go through.
Only a week after its release, Resident Evil 7 is being hailed as a breath of fresh air in an IP that was getting too far from its horror roots, and it is definitely that. It’s a shot in the arm that the franchise needed, and I loved every moment of it. And I know what you’re saying: you’re saying “Phil--you peed your pants like a 2 week old Chihuahua when you were playing Five Nights At Freddy’s: Sister Location. What good reason could you possibly have to play what is being called the scariest Resident Evil in 20 years?”
And my answer is simple: First, Chihuahuas don’t wear pants. That’s a stupid simile and you should be ashamed, person I just made up.
Second, Resident Evil 7 has more in common with Amnesia and Alien Isolation, where the atmosphere is key. You build up dread like towers of non-dairy creamer at the Waffle House: piece by piece. Until suddenly something comes screaming out of the darkness and you scream and your cat screams and you both have a good cathartic laugh and your waitress is pissed because you’ve spilled coffee everywhere.
This is opposed to jump scare horror that’s so prevalent in games nowadays: one scream after another, taking full advantage of your fight or flight instinct, until you’re basically immune to it. Because jump scares are like milkshakes: you need to give yourself some time between them to build up the anticipation and enjoyment you can get from them. Otherwise you just end up numb to their enjoyment, possibly sporting an eating disorder. And if there’s anything that Resident Evil 7 gets right, it’s the pacing.
Resident Evil 7 has traded its fast action and mansions for a crawl through a run down house in the bayous of Louisiana, and it’s more twisted than a Jeffrey Dahmer coloring book. And that brings us back to Mia. Lovely, lovely Mia. Mia got caught up in some trouble.
(Clip)
So you, being a doting (or stupid) husband, track her down to a charming locale in the swamp, where you meet the Bakers. The Bakers are the best part of Resident Evil 7. A twisted family of cannibals straight out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Bakers are essentially what would happen if you gave a family full of Breitbart readers the ability to regenerate, create fungal monsters, and command insects to do their bidding. You spend the vast majority of the game switching between fighting them and hiding from them, and they make for superb villains.
(Clip)
I’ve made a point to compare Resident Evil 7 to the more helpless, survival horror games of the past 10 years, but the truth is that while the combat is scaled down, the general tenants of the Resident Evil franchise are still as plain as day. The camp, the over-the-top plotlines: hell, even some of the humor is still retained. I think it’s important to point that out, because based on the playable demos leading up to its release, there were plenty of people who wondered why this wasn’t just turned into its own IP. It seemed completely unrelated from the previous games. Why Resident Evil? Why not make a new game called Denizen Nasty? Or Habitant Bad?
But the connection is definitely there, and it becomes pretty obvious once you get into it. Between the elaborate keys, puzzles, and scavenging nature of the gameplay, there’s no reason to wonder exactly how this game connects to previous entries, even if you don’t kill zombies.
Feel free to subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/subscription_c...
Or follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/ElConquistadork
Or like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Phil-K...
Here's what you're going to get at ElConquistadork:
Thought-provoking geek commentary that smells vaguely of gin and smoke. Game reviews and Let's Plays that cover everything from the super indie to the AAA to the "made around 700 years ago" category.
Phil The Conquistadork also maintains a healthy love to interacting with his audiences when they aren't assholes (and sometimes when they are).
What you will not get at ElConquistadork: ugliness (the host's face notwithstanding), drama (the host's bank account notwithstanding), or cat videos.
...Huh? He's put a cat in a few of his videos already? Shit.
......Okay, maybe you'll get a few cat videos.
"Sneak A Little Drinky" written and performed by The Butterscotch Bros: Carlos Avendano and Dan Ross.
