Uploaded August 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Having a baby doesn’t just change your life it can completely change your relationship.
In this episode I sit down with Shan Boodram @shanboody certified sex educator and sexologist, to have an honest conversation about what really happens to love, intimacy, identity and connection after becoming parents.
Shan opens up about reaching a point eight months after having her first child where she genuinely questioned whether her marriage would survive. We unpack why the first year can put enormous pressure on couples, how resentment builds when parenting starts to feel transactional, and why both mothers and fathers can experience profound identity shifts after having children.
We also talk about mum guilt, maintaining your career after motherhood, navigating judgement from other parents, sharing the mental load, keeping intimacy alive when you're exhausted, and why sometimes saving your relationship means creating an entirely new relationship with the same person.
If you're pregnant, already a parent, questioning whether you want children, or simply want to understand how relationships evolve through major life transitions, this episode is for you.
In this episode, we discuss:
• How motherhood and fatherhood change your identity
• Matrescence and patrescence
• Why the first year after having a baby can be so difficult for couples
• The invisible pressures placed on mothers
• Mum guilt and choosing to continue your career
• How unequal parenting creates resentment
• Why fathers need emotional support too
• Maintaining sex and intimacy after children
• Sleeping separately without losing connection
• Why choosing not to have children isn't selfish
• How to rebuild a relationship that's struggling
• Protecting the parts of yourself you don't want motherhood to erase
⏱ Timestamps:
00:00 How Having Kids Changes Your Relationship
02:26 Meet Shan Boodram
03:28 What Really Changes When You Have Children?
04:24 “Everything Changes”
04:30 Understanding Matrescence
09:07 What Happens to Fathers? Patrescence Explained
12:32 The Reality of Becoming a Parent
13:45 How Motherhood Humbled Shan
16:30 The Parenting Plan vs. Reality
19:43 Why Parents Are So Exhausted
20:33 The Pressure on Women to Stop Working
22:01 Shan’s Experience With Mum Guilt
23:36 Creating Your Own Vision of Motherhood
24:19 Why Mothers Need to Find Their “Honey”
26:32 Shivani on Being Judged Before Becoming a Mum
28:31 Dealing With Judgement From Other Parents
31:11 Preparing Your Relationship for a Baby
32:22 “I Thought My Marriage Was Over”
33:12 Why the First Year Can Change Everything
34:52 How Resentment Builds Between Parents
36:47 Accepting That Your Relationship Has Changed
38:56 Why We Need to Ask Fathers How They Feel
40:43 Staying Important to Each Other After Baby
41:51 Why Men Struggle to Talk About Their Feelings
44:01 How Do You Avoid Resentment?
44:46 Should New Parents Sleep Separately?
47:16 Why Support and Money Matter
50:02 Keeping Intimacy Alive After Children
51:39 The Decision Matrix Every Couple Should Try
53:26 Is It Selfish Not to Want Children?
57:11 Do Couples Without Kids Get Bored?
58:36 How Do You Save a Relationship After Baby?
59:20 Start a New Relationship With the Same Person
01:00:00 How Mothers Can Unintentionally Push Fathers Away
01:01:25 What Your Children Learn From Your Relationship
01:03:55 Setting Boundaries With Parenting Opinions
01:05:53 The Fear of Losing Yourself in Motherhood
01:07:38 What Every Woman Scared of Losing Herself Should Hear
01:08:42 Fighting for the Parts of Yourself That Matter
01:09:57 Career, Motherhood & Accepting You Can't Do Everything
01:14:00 Who Should You Actually Take Parenting Advice From?
01:15:22 Final Thoughts: Preparing Your Relationship for Parenthood
01:17:13 The Magic That Comes With Becoming Parents
matrescence, patrescence, postpartum relationships, intimacy after baby, mum guilt, working mothers, parenting relationships, relationship advice, motherhood identity, maintaining intimacy, parenting resentment, modern motherhood💛
🔔 Subscribe for more discussions on mental health, personal growth, and healing! / @shivanipaupodcast
✨ Connect with Millennial Mind ✨
Podcast Instagram: instagram.com/amillennialmind
Shivani Pau Instagram: instagram.com/shivani.pau
Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/channel/shivanipaupodcast
Performance Planner: my-performance-planner.myshopify.com
Let Me Change Your Mind 🧠
Having a baby doesn’t just change your life it can completely change your relationship.
In this episode I sit down with Shan Boodram @shanboody certified sex educator and sexologist, to have an honest conversation about what really happens to love, intimacy, identity and connection after becoming parents.
Shan opens up about reaching a point eight months after having her first child where she genuinely questioned whether her marriage would survive. We unpack why the first year can put enormous pressure on couples, how resentment builds when parenting starts to feel transactional, and why both mothers and fathers can experience profound identity shifts after having children.
We also talk about mum guilt, maintaining your career after motherhood, navigating judgement from other parents, sharing the mental load, keeping intimacy alive when you're exhausted, and why sometimes saving your relationship means creating an entirely new relationship with the same person.
If you're pregnant, already a parent, questioning whether you want children, or simply want to understand how relationships evolve through major life transitions, this episode is for you.
In this episode, we discuss:
• How motherhood and fatherhood change your identity
• Matrescence and patrescence
• Why the first year after having a baby can be so difficult for couples
• The invisible pressures placed on mothers
• Mum guilt and choosing to continue your career
• How unequal parenting creates resentment
• Why fathers need emotional support too
• Maintaining sex and intimacy after children
• Sleeping separately without losing connection
• Why choosing not to have children isn't selfish
• How to rebuild a relationship that's struggling
• Protecting the parts of yourself you don't want motherhood to erase
⏱ Timestamps:
00:00 How Having Kids Changes Your Relationship
02:26 Meet Shan Boodram
03:28 What Really Changes When You Have Children?
04:24 “Everything Changes”
04:30 Understanding Matrescence
09:07 What Happens to Fathers? Patrescence Explained
12:32 The Reality of Becoming a Parent
13:45 How Motherhood Humbled Shan
16:30 The Parenting Plan vs. Reality
19:43 Why Parents Are So Exhausted
20:33 The Pressure on Women to Stop Working
22:01 Shan’s Experience With Mum Guilt
23:36 Creating Your Own Vision of Motherhood
24:19 Why Mothers Need to Find Their “Honey”
26:32 Shivani on Being Judged Before Becoming a Mum
28:31 Dealing With Judgement From Other Parents
31:11 Preparing Your Relationship for a Baby
32:22 “I Thought My Marriage Was Over”
33:12 Why the First Year Can Change Everything
34:52 How Resentment Builds Between Parents
36:47 Accepting That Your Relationship Has Changed
38:56 Why We Need to Ask Fathers How They Feel
40:43 Staying Important to Each Other After Baby
41:51 Why Men Struggle to Talk About Their Feelings
44:01 How Do You Avoid Resentment?
44:46 Should New Parents Sleep Separately?
47:16 Why Support and Money Matter
50:02 Keeping Intimacy Alive After Children
51:39 The Decision Matrix Every Couple Should Try
53:26 Is It Selfish Not to Want Children?
57:11 Do Couples Without Kids Get Bored?
58:36 How Do You Save a Relationship After Baby?
59:20 Start a New Relationship With the Same Person
01:00:00 How Mothers Can Unintentionally Push Fathers Away
01:01:25 What Your Children Learn From Your Relationship
01:03:55 Setting Boundaries With Parenting Opinions
01:05:53 The Fear of Losing Yourself in Motherhood
01:07:38 What Every Woman Scared of Losing Herself Should Hear
01:08:42 Fighting for the Parts of Yourself That Matter
01:09:57 Career, Motherhood & Accepting You Can't Do Everything
01:14:00 Who Should You Actually Take Parenting Advice From?
01:15:22 Final Thoughts: Preparing Your Relationship for Parenthood
01:17:13 The Magic That Comes With Becoming Parents
matrescence, patrescence, postpartum relationships, intimacy after baby, mum guilt, working mothers, parenting relationships, relationship advice, motherhood identity, maintaining intimacy, parenting resentment, modern motherhood💛
🔔 Subscribe for more discussions on mental health, personal growth, and healing! / @shivanipaupodcast
✨ Connect with Millennial Mind ✨
Podcast Instagram: instagram.com/amillennialmind
Shivani Pau Instagram: instagram.com/shivani.pau
Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/channel/shivanipaupodcast
Performance Planner: my-performance-planner.myshopify.com
Let Me Change Your Mind 🧠
