Uploaded February 2026 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
"Open-Air Museum Children"
This song is for all the lovers who live by the open air museum and those who don’t
People go to the open-air museum
To make love in a certain spot
They say a third of the folks in my town
Were conceived on that patch of sod
I assume all the other children
Were conceived in the usual ways
On beds and couches, in kitchens and showers
On unremarkable days
Now the town’s split clean down the middle
Like a line drawn in chalk
By where your parents happened to be
When biology created a spark
Open-air museum kids
Get better situations
’Cause the open-air museum
Is run by a corporation
The board sets aside a portion of their wealth
To give out generous endowments
While the home-conceived kids
Raise themselves
From whatever they manage to scrounge up, yeah
Some couples try for delivery
Inside the museum gate
They figure birthplace might bend the rules
And upgrade their kid’s fate
But it won’t change a single thing
’Cause policy’s airtight
It’s not where you enter the world
It’s where you started life
This is something they learn with time
After forms and fees
You only get the benefits
If conception happened within the museum's boundaries, oh
Open-air museum kids
Get better situations
’Cause the open-air museum
Is run by a corporation
There’s funding for enrichment
And early invitations
While the home-conceived kids
Are serving the drinks
At museum kids' orientations
There is one small loophole
People whisper about
If the IVF happens on the grounds
Your kid still counts
And adoption works the same way
If the papers get signed inside
The pen hits ink, boxes are checked
And the needle of fortune tilts to their side
Open-air museum kids
Get better situations
’Cause the open-air museum
Is run by a corporation
It’s not talent or effort
Or divine inspiration
It’s a map and a moment
And a well-funded explanation
As for me, I won’t say
Which side I’m from
I’m not sure it really matters
By the time the song is done
No, I won’t say where I started
Or how I came along
It doesn’t change a thing right now
I’m just singing you this song
"Open-Air Museum Children"
This song is for all the lovers who live by the open air museum and those who don’t
People go to the open-air museum
To make love in a certain spot
They say a third of the folks in my town
Were conceived on that patch of sod
I assume all the other children
Were conceived in the usual ways
On beds and couches, in kitchens and showers
On unremarkable days
Now the town’s split clean down the middle
Like a line drawn in chalk
By where your parents happened to be
When biology created a spark
Open-air museum kids
Get better situations
’Cause the open-air museum
Is run by a corporation
The board sets aside a portion of their wealth
To give out generous endowments
While the home-conceived kids
Raise themselves
From whatever they manage to scrounge up, yeah
Some couples try for delivery
Inside the museum gate
They figure birthplace might bend the rules
And upgrade their kid’s fate
But it won’t change a single thing
’Cause policy’s airtight
It’s not where you enter the world
It’s where you started life
This is something they learn with time
After forms and fees
You only get the benefits
If conception happened within the museum's boundaries, oh
Open-air museum kids
Get better situations
’Cause the open-air museum
Is run by a corporation
There’s funding for enrichment
And early invitations
While the home-conceived kids
Are serving the drinks
At museum kids' orientations
There is one small loophole
People whisper about
If the IVF happens on the grounds
Your kid still counts
And adoption works the same way
If the papers get signed inside
The pen hits ink, boxes are checked
And the needle of fortune tilts to their side
Open-air museum kids
Get better situations
’Cause the open-air museum
Is run by a corporation
It’s not talent or effort
Or divine inspiration
It’s a map and a moment
And a well-funded explanation
As for me, I won’t say
Which side I’m from
I’m not sure it really matters
By the time the song is done
No, I won’t say where I started
Or how I came along
It doesn’t change a thing right now
I’m just singing you this song
