Uploaded August 2026 | Updated September 2026, 4 hours ago
In an interview with Manhattan Institute fellow Carolyn Gorman, Israel “Izzy” Kalman, a longtime school psychologist and psychotherapist, argues that “anti-bullyism” is an ideology that teaches children to assign responsibility for their distress to other people and report their grievances to authorities. It then forces schools to act as investigators, judges, and enforcers of ordinary peer conflict as if they are criminal offenses.
Kalman is the head of the Kalman Bullying Institute, creator of bullies2buddies.com, and lead author of the Be Strong Resilience Program. He has spent a quarter century arguing that the anti-bullying movement has intensified hostilities rather than reduced them, and he has made that case extensively at Psychology Today through his blog, Resilience to Bullying.
Read the full Substack article here: cityjournal.substack.com/p/nobody-thinks-theyre-the-bully
00:00 Introduction to the flaws in anti-bullying policies
02:04 The drama triangle and escalation of conflicts
04:58 The problem with victim and bully labels
06:50 The ideology behind "anti-bullyingism"
07:51 The definition of bullying by Olweus
08:19 The flaws in the pillars of power imbalance, intentionality, and repetition
11:54 The law enforcement model in schools
12:43 The subjective harm versus objective harm in bullying
14:57 The empirical failure of anti-bullying programs
19:53 The costs and beneficiaries of anti-bullying laws
23:39 The importance of free speech and the limits of reporting
27:40 The Golden Rule and responding to insults
34:00 Role-playing to stop bullying behavior
44:34 Limitations and exceptions to the approach
01:02:08 What schools can realistically do about bullying
01:19:20 Reforming anti-bullying laws and policies
01:35:24 Final thoughts and societal implications
In an interview with Manhattan Institute fellow Carolyn Gorman, Israel “Izzy” Kalman, a longtime school psychologist and psychotherapist, argues that “anti-bullyism” is an ideology that teaches children to assign responsibility for their distress to other people and report their grievances to authorities. It then forces schools to act as investigators, judges, and enforcers of ordinary peer conflict as if they are criminal offenses.
Kalman is the head of the Kalman Bullying Institute, creator of bullies2buddies.com, and lead author of the Be Strong Resilience Program. He has spent a quarter century arguing that the anti-bullying movement has intensified hostilities rather than reduced them, and he has made that case extensively at Psychology Today through his blog, Resilience to Bullying.
Read the full Substack article here: cityjournal.substack.com/p/nobody-thinks-theyre-the-bully
00:00 Introduction to the flaws in anti-bullying policies
02:04 The drama triangle and escalation of conflicts
04:58 The problem with victim and bully labels
06:50 The ideology behind "anti-bullyingism"
07:51 The definition of bullying by Olweus
08:19 The flaws in the pillars of power imbalance, intentionality, and repetition
11:54 The law enforcement model in schools
12:43 The subjective harm versus objective harm in bullying
14:57 The empirical failure of anti-bullying programs
19:53 The costs and beneficiaries of anti-bullying laws
23:39 The importance of free speech and the limits of reporting
27:40 The Golden Rule and responding to insults
34:00 Role-playing to stop bullying behavior
44:34 Limitations and exceptions to the approach
01:02:08 What schools can realistically do about bullying
01:19:20 Reforming anti-bullying laws and policies
01:35:24 Final thoughts and societal implications
