Uploaded April 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
I joined Melissa Duge Spiers for a conversation about her life growing up in the Seventh-day Adventist Church.
We talked about what that world is like. The control. The rules. The sense that nothing about your life belongs to you.
We talked about what happens when you leave something like that. Not just the loss of community, but what stays with you. The way it shapes how you think, how you feel, how you relate to your own body.
Melissa talked about generational trauma and how it gets passed down. Not as an idea, but as something physical. Something you carry.
We talked about sexuality. What happens when it’s suppressed and controlled, and then comes back out in ways that aren’t understood at the time.
And we talked about why people like us are still having these conversations now. Even when we’d rather not.
Because the kind of thinking we grew up with isn’t gone. It’s part of what’s shaping the country.
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LINKS
melissadugespiers.substack.com
bookshop.org/a/99692/9781957687735
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00:00 Introduction - Frank introduces Melissa Duge Spiers and the conversation.
00:00 Why this still matters now - Melissa explains why speaking out comes with a cost.
00:01 The Adventist church - A look at a large, mostly unknown religious system.
00:07 Power without visibility - How influence operates quietly through institutions.
00:08 High-control religion - Frank and Melissa connect their shared backgrounds.
00:13 Generational trauma - What gets passed down across families and time.
00:17 The body remembers - Melissa describes how trauma lives in the body.
00:18 Total control - Ellen White’s teachings shaped every part of life.
00:23 The only truth - How exclusivity reinforces obedience and isolation.
00:26 Leaving and losing everything - Why exiting a system like this is not simple.
00:31 Sexual repression - Growing up with fear and control around sex.
00:33 Rebellion through sex - Trying to take autonomy back in destructive ways.
00:39 Pain and love mixed together - How violence and affection become confused.
00:44 Childhood conditioning - Discipline, surveillance, and loss of autonomy.
00:47 Getting out - Finding a way to leave despite the system.
00:50 Learning not to feel - Emotional shutdown as a survival strategy.
00:54 Controlling sexuality - Conversion therapy and institutional harm.
00:59 Losing trust in yourself - Being taught your instincts are wrong.
01:00 The political connection - How private control systems shape public power.
_____
I joined Melissa Duge Spiers for a conversation about her life growing up in the Seventh-day Adventist Church.
We talked about what that world is like. The control. The rules. The sense that nothing about your life belongs to you.
We talked about what happens when you leave something like that. Not just the loss of community, but what stays with you. The way it shapes how you think, how you feel, how you relate to your own body.
Melissa talked about generational trauma and how it gets passed down. Not as an idea, but as something physical. Something you carry.
We talked about sexuality. What happens when it’s suppressed and controlled, and then comes back out in ways that aren’t understood at the time.
And we talked about why people like us are still having these conversations now. Even when we’d rather not.
Because the kind of thinking we grew up with isn’t gone. It’s part of what’s shaping the country.
_____
LINKS
melissadugespiers.substack.com
bookshop.org/a/99692/9781957687735
_____
00:00 Introduction - Frank introduces Melissa Duge Spiers and the conversation.
00:00 Why this still matters now - Melissa explains why speaking out comes with a cost.
00:01 The Adventist church - A look at a large, mostly unknown religious system.
00:07 Power without visibility - How influence operates quietly through institutions.
00:08 High-control religion - Frank and Melissa connect their shared backgrounds.
00:13 Generational trauma - What gets passed down across families and time.
00:17 The body remembers - Melissa describes how trauma lives in the body.
00:18 Total control - Ellen White’s teachings shaped every part of life.
00:23 The only truth - How exclusivity reinforces obedience and isolation.
00:26 Leaving and losing everything - Why exiting a system like this is not simple.
00:31 Sexual repression - Growing up with fear and control around sex.
00:33 Rebellion through sex - Trying to take autonomy back in destructive ways.
00:39 Pain and love mixed together - How violence and affection become confused.
00:44 Childhood conditioning - Discipline, surveillance, and loss of autonomy.
00:47 Getting out - Finding a way to leave despite the system.
00:50 Learning not to feel - Emotional shutdown as a survival strategy.
00:54 Controlling sexuality - Conversion therapy and institutional harm.
00:59 Losing trust in yourself - Being taught your instincts are wrong.
01:00 The political connection - How private control systems shape public power.
_____
