A Buster Keaton Montage - Down to the Well (Pixies) @jeremiahmcdonaldarchive5212

A Buster Keaton Montage - Down to the Well (Pixies)

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2020-05-03 | Compiled and edited by Jeremiah McDonald

jeremiahcontent.com

6. Religious Tolerance

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2022-07-27 | Published December 14, 2006.

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=rHAp3qN4Y78&t=0s

Transcript: Oh, don't pay him any heed. He's just showing off. Making a bit of a fool of himself if you ask me. But I told him he could be in this video because I want to talk to you good people today about religious tolerance, so it seemed kinda appropriate.

I don't think he even knows what he's saying. Do you even know what it is you're saying? He don't know what he's saying. They've probably got him saying something dumb in Japanese or somesuch. He's probably saying "Look at me, I'm a Western jack-ass and I've got no idea what I'm saying.”

So! Religious tolerance. In the Church of Blow we've got no time for people who aren't tolerant. I don't mean for that kind of thing. I mean for proper religions, real religions, American religions.
It's a rule of the Church of Blow that you gotta try and rub along with all kinds of different people with all kinds of different points of view. It's the way to a happier life to get along with these folk. It's your way to your personal salvation. So in this church we give our respect and our love equally to all the people of all the other faiths who are going straight to hell when they die.
If someone holds a sincere belief that's just dandy with us. In fact, here in the Church of Blow we're so tolerant of other people's faiths and denominations we allow our followers to have two religions when they join. So if you're, I dunno, Amish... Oh, no that wouldn't work, the Amish wouldn't be online. Unless they have steam-powered computers. Do the Amish have...? He wouldn't know. Only read one book in his life. Probably by Tim Leary... So if you're a Quaker and you're thinking to yourself "I sure would like to join the Church of Blow but I don't think I can give up my Quaking just like that," don't worry, you don't have to. At least not straight away. Have two religions. Press that "subscribe" button, join the Church of Blow, keep up the Quaking, see which suits you best. Don't be put off joining us just 'cause you've already got a faith. It's probably best to sign up to as many as you can in any case, 'cause they can't all be right, can they? Think of the Church of Blow as your insurance policy in case your Quaking or your Shaking or your Jehovah's Witnessing doesn't get you into Heaven. Which it won't.

This two religions for the price of one offer is for a limited time only, so get your subscription in early to avoid disappointment.
Follow me.
I've been Reverend Cornelius Blow, he's been some annoying, brain-frazzled monkey who won't be allowed into another of my videos, and you've been very kind.

5. The Symbol

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2022-07-27 | Published December 12, 2006.

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=7lyteKY_PcU&t=0s

Transcript: Hi. I'm Reverend Cornelius Blow. Welcome to my church.

Every major religion has its own symbol, a device by which its members can be identified, a little picture that acts as a rallying point for the faithful. Christians have their cross, Muslims have their crescent, Jewish folk have their star, LonelyGirl15 has three unicursal hexagrams in the header bar of her website, the Republican Party has its elephant. All religions need one. The Church of Blow is no different.

I've tried out one or two ideas.
I quite like this one. Because the followers of the Church of Blow should be seen by the world to be happy people. I thought it'd be nice if the non-believers saw our symbol and thought to themselves "Wow! They must have a real fine time in the Church of Blow. Maybe it's the way to my personal salvation. Maybe I should subscribe."
When was the last time you saw someone smile at a cross? Crosses make people think of pain, crucifixion, the humiliation and untold suffering of their saviour. Why would anyone want to think about that? You don't get anywhere in this life dwelling on the past in that way.

So, while I was trying to get some inspiration, I went to get myself a burger. I'm not sure about this one. I was in Chuck E. Cheese when I came up with that. Who's idea was it to have vermin selling food products? Mice in your kitchen? Shouldn't they be setting traps, not advertising the fact. And while I was in there, they had this big, six foot Chuck E. Cheese and this little girl was crying, and... well, there's another six year old's birthday ruined by an overgrown rodent. Not sure about that one at all.

Anyways, I was blessed with many, many talents but as you see drawing really ain't one of 'em. I'm more a communicator than a drawer. I'm an ideas man.
And my idea is to get you, the founding members of the Church of Blow, to come up with your own symbol. Let's have a bit of democracy in here. Let's have us a competition. So think real hard about what best represents the Church of Blow and.... This competition is only open to subscribers by the way, I don't want anyone watching this to be a wise-ass and send me something crude. I know what you're thinking, I can see right through you.
So just drop me a comment or send me a picture or whatever and we'll see which we like best.
Or if one of yous is really smart with Photoshop and all, maybe you could put my face on a flag. Maybe we could get some buttons made. Y'all could wear 'em at work, so when your work colleagues say "Who's that on your button?" you can tell them, "Why, that's the Reverend Cornelius Blow. He's my personal salvation. He could be yours too. All you gotta do is subscribe to his YouTube videos."

Evangelize! You people don't evangelize enough.

I've been Reverend Cornelius Blow and you've been very kind.

4. Adding Value

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2022-07-27 | Published December 9, 2006.

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=na3OSIWAWoU&t=0s

Transcript: Hi. I'm Reverend Cornelius Blow. Welcome to my church.

Today, I wanna talk to you people about a concept I call "adding value."

So what is "adding value"? Well, I suppose it's a lot like doing someone some good, making life a little better for folks, whether they're church members or not. It's what I'm doing now; through posting these videos and showing you the way to your personal salvation I'm "adding value" to your life. But you don't have to be a Reverend, or anyone special at all, to add value; in your own, smaller, less important way, you, the members of the Church of Blow, can add value to other people's lives. It'll make you feel good about yourself. You should give it a try. Here's what I want you to do....

I've noticed there's a lot of negativity out there on this website. Seems everyone out there is a critic. Somebody posts a video trying to entertain some other folk, trying to do something creative, and there'll always be some snake in the grass ready to rain on that parade:

"Your video's baloney, mister!"

"You should get a proper job and stop wasting our time with this crap (I apologize for my language, but I'm quoting)"

"What's the point of you dancing if you're not gonna take anything off? Tease a man half to death would ya?"

Yes, because even those dancing twiglets with the cleavage and the hips and the rhythmic gyrating are just trying, in their own debauched, wrongheaded way to add value. Lot of lonely men out there. Lot of lonely men. Seems an awful lot of them can't for some reason find their ways to a proper porn site, so YouTube is all they got. These girls are just trying to do these fellas a service, that's all they're trying to do. Of course they're all going straight to hell without a Get Out Of Jail Free card, but you try telling them that, they look at you like you just stepped in from the eighteenth century...

So here's what I want you to do today - your good deed for the day. I want you to find a real bad video here on YouTube, a video with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, a video that out-and-out stinks the place up, and I want you to leave a comment adding value. I want you to tell the person who posted that video you think they're a real neat human being. Maybe invite them for coffee. Maybe a couple light beers if you're of the more liberal persuasion. I dunno, maybe invite them to join the Church of Blow.

So GO, go be nice to someone, especially if they really, truly don't deserve it. You'll feel good.

I've been Reverend Cornelius Blow, and you've been very kind.

3. The Physical Church

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2022-07-27 | Published December 7, 2006.

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=MOibtGCN0eI&t=0s

Transcript: Hi. I'm Reverend Cornelius Blow. Welcome to my church.

My friend Lauren - I know her from my cookery class - she asked me an interesting question the other day. She asked me "Cornelius, where exactly is the Church of Blow?"

I said "Lauren, what do you mean?"

"Well," she said, "From my house I can direct you to the nearest Baptists, Anabaptists, Seventh Day Adventists, Jesuits and Cat'licks. I could show you the way to the Synagogue. I've even heard rumors there's a mosque not far. But how would you direct me to the Church of Blow?"

"Lauren," I said, "It's here. In your heart."

"No but seriously," she asked, "where is it?"

You see, Lauren's a real nice woman, and she bakes a mighty fine chocolate brownie, but she's not so hot on life's more spiritual aspects. The Church of Blow don't require no big cold building with a leaky roof and a draught that squeezes the very life out of your lungs. You people watching now ARE the Church of Blow... Unless you haven't subscribed, in which case you're a heathen and tarnation awaits you.

The Church of Blow does not want you to sit still for two solid, butt-numbing hours singing songs with fourteen different verses. Sure, if you like singing, go ahead, sing. Sing at the screen right now. I myself have always been partial to the work of the Dixie Chicks... until they got all political and ruined it for everyone. No sense in that at all. Go on, sing whatever takes your fancy, express yourself however you like, be free. No rapping though. One of the rules of the Church of Blow is we do not rap.

The Church of Blow prides itself on its freedom and its flexibility. It's a church to suit your lifestyle. Think about all those people who can't get to a physical church: the sick, the housebound, the apathetic, Alaskans. Should these people be excluded from personal salvation? In the Church of Blow we say not. These people may have trouble getting to a physical church, but they can all get on YouTube. If you can get on YouTube you can attain personal salvation and all you gotta do is press that "subscribe" button to follow me.

And remember, the Church of Blow is in the hearts and minds of its congregation, not in some building. Although maybe one day if there's enough of us, we could build a real church... Hmm.

I've been Reverend Cornelius Blow, and you've been very kind.

2. Keep Holy the Sabbath

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2022-07-26 | Published December 4, 2006.

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=YATQz-zKchc

Transcript:

Hi. I'm Reverend Cornelius Blow. Welcome to my church.

Now, I've been thinking over the last couple days about our Sabbath, our Holy Day. Seems to me the Christians have got the Sunday wrapped up - we don't want to step on any toes here - Jewish folk have the Saturday, Muslims have the Friday. Buddhists... well, I wouldn't know anything about that kind of thing. Not even sure they have a sabbath, don't really know what those people do... but I'm sure it's all very nice. Those people sure look calm and peaceful don't they? Wear a lot of orange though some of them. Not sure I like that. [Evidently making it up as he goes along:] It's one of the rules of the Church of Blow that followers should never wear orange regalia in public.

Now, so, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. That's pretty much the weekend covered. But we've got another four days to play with. Thursdays are out for me because that's when I've got my evening class - I'm doing a little cookery course... I have my reasons! But I think Wednesdays would be just fine. I don't have a lot on on Wednesdays. Also, that puts the Sabbath right in the middle of the week. That kind of emphasises its importance. You see other folks may have their sabbaths at the weekend when it's more convenient 'cause there's not much going on anyway. But in the Church of Blow we take our Sabbath a bit more serious [sic]. So, yeah, Wednesdays are good... Unless any of y'all would prefer a Tuesday slot. I can do Tuesdays too. Just send me a message or something and let me know which suits you best. You see in the Church of Blow we know that it's important that you keep the Sabbath holy, and maybe not so important exactly when the Sabbath is.

OK, I see we've got a couple of new viewers, come to check out the Church of Blow. Instead of just looking, why don't you join us? Nobody ever got personal salvation from standing outside a church and looking through the window. All you'll ever get that way is wet... if it's raining. No-one ever gets rained on inside the Church of Blow. Join us. Press that "subscribe button", become one of the chosen. Follow me.

I've been Reverend Cornelius Blow, and you've been very kind.

1. Your Personal Salvation

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2022-07-26 | Published December 1, 2006.

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=8iI2ed_LEVY

Transcript:

Hi. I'm Reverend Cornelius Blow. Welcome to my church.

I've come here to talk to you today about your personal salvation. No, don't hit that "back" button yet. I can see you're thinking about it, I can see right through you. I want you to think about a little something: Do you think it was coincidence that you chose my video? There are 6.3 million videos on YouTube, that's two videos for every man, woman and child in the state of Mississippi, but you chose to watch mine. 6.3 million videos! Imagine that. That's a lot of potential distractions, ain't it? And, remember, 2.8 million of those videos are clips of young women singing and dancing in their underwear and engaging in all manner of sin the like of which you never did see. You could be watching some buxom young twiglet doing a webcam striptease while her husband's away working hard to put meat on the table; you could be watching LonelyGirl15 lying through her teeth to a whole nation, and wondering to yourself why anyone ever believed a thirty-eight year old woman with crow's feet was a teenage girl; but instead you chose to watch my video. Coincidence? I don't think so. Point of fact, you didn't choose this video at all, this video chose you.

You were chosen because you're finally ready. Life is about to take a turn for the better for you, my friend. The hard times and the struggle are over, the pain and the sadness are coming to an end. I am here to show you the way, the way to your personal salvation. For I have had a vision. Just like you I was chosen. And in my vision, I was instructed: "Cornelius, it's time to start a church... [dubiously] on YouTube."

But how, I asked, how can I, little Cornelius Blow, start a church on YouTube.
And a voice said: "If you post, they will come."

In a manner of speaking the same could be said for those buxom young twiglets in their underwear.
So I posted, and you came. Now, for the time being all I need you to do is join the Church of Blow by hitting that "subscribe" button and I will return with another sermon and lead you to your personal salvation. Follow me.

I've been Reverend Cornelius Blow, and you've been very kind.

FOLLOW ME

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2022-07-26 | Published November 30th, 2006.

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=C5_1QxjorR8

Transcript:

I'm Reverend Cornelius Blow. Welcome to my church.

A lot of people walk up to me and ask me "Cornelius, what are you?"

Well, no, I can't tell a lie. People never do ask me that. But they should.

Follow me.

Alvarez - The Guitar That Does Its Own Stunts

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2019-03-16 | From 1996.

Premiere

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2018-02-26 | ...

Keaton and I

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2018-02-06 | Presented by Jean Lambert-wild: http://www.lambert-wild.com

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My Serpentine

I Am So Alone

I Too Have a Girlfriend

Jazz Dispute

Fini ta soupe!

Burger Sacrifice

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2018-02-06 | Story this video is based on: bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/15/whopper-sacrifice-de-friended-on-facebook

Presented by Jean Lambert-wild: http://www.lambert-wild.com

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Glop Presents...

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2018-02-06 | ...

Meeting My Future Self: A Story I Wrote When I Was 9

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2018-02-05 | ...

First 5 Years on YouTube

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2018-02-05 | First published September 11, 2011.

Out-takes and behind-the-scenes footage from my first five years on YouTube.

Jeremiah McDonald interviewed on The Daily Buzz

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2018-01-22 | ...

Jeremiah McDonald on the Today Show (July 8, 2012)

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2018-01-22 | Conversation With My 12 Year Old Self: youtube.com/watch?v=XFGAQrEUaeU

Bernard Smith: numbdoll outtakes

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-12-07 | ...

My Patreon Pitch

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-12-07 | patreon.com/jeremiahmcdonald

iPod Demands Blood

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-12-07 | The first video I posted on YouTube, published September 10, 2006.

Myspace: Portrait of Narcissism

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-12-07 | The first video I made for the internet, first posted on Myspace in September, 2006.

The Audition

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-28 | ...

Cuckoo A Short Film by Jeremiah McDonald

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-28 | ...

Lord Fauntleroy Sings (Uncut)

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-24 | ...

DocRusty - YouTube Parter

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-23 | ...

Sandwich: Impossible

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-21 | I shot this in 1998 when I was still in high school, but didn't cut it together until 2007.
Published February 22, 2007.

Bernard and Fish-hook introduce St. Lawrence Screening (Taped and Live Versions)

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-21 | ...

Freud Trailers

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-20 | Trailers for a Freud spinoff I never actually made.

Sean Bedlams YouTube Is My Life Takes

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-20 | ...

One Thousand Subscribers and Cocktails For Two

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-20 | Support my work: patreon.com/jeremiahmcdonald

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I Arrived With No Camera

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-20 | ...

Freud Stand-up

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-20 | ...

Freud Sings On My Own

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-20 | ...

Post Viral Support Group

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-20 | ...

Hello Again

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-20 | ...

William Shakespeare

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-18 | Published on July 22, 2008.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=AeQR8dOgsOs

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=WN_CeREphio

Francis Ford Coppola

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-18 | Published on March 31, 2008.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=AeQR8dOgsOs

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=GRg93LP2Uhk

Rate My DVDs

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-18 | Published on March 25, 2008.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=NKbVH4MAsl8

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=6Xq4xRGBYm8

Godot

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-18 | Published March 11, 2008.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=NKbVH4MAsl8

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=vBCM1I4aFsk

The Audition

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-18 | Published March 1, 2008.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=NKbVH4MAsl8

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=X0ULwXkCuIc

Jumping the Shark

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-18 | Published January 26, 2008.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=KKLH8wvMjgs

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=3gWgQh5oq74

Blow Up!

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-18 | Published January 2, 2007.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=KKLH8wvMjgs

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=Ma5rcCqOhpI

Your Personal Salvation (With Audio Commentary)

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-17 | Published December 1, 2007.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=f1O2rOSpQ-g

youtube.com/watch?v=pwD68nY_dmA

1337Date.com

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-17 | Published November 16, 2007.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=f1O2rOSpQ-g

Original upload: youtube.com/watch?v=o39e5aqVLdo

A Featured Video

Jeremiah McDonald Archive 2017-11-17 | Published September 12, 2007.

2017 rewatch: youtube.com/watch?v=uMRPja_bRn4

Reuploads (post DMCA): youtube.com/watch?v=8BFCXjCCZtY

youtube.com/watch?v=8nVrUZ4Jnzg&t