Uploaded August 2020 | Updated September 2026, 3 weeks ago
Hi guys:)
first up, i really hope all of you are doing okay. Corona has turned this into a hell of a year everywhere, and all the other things that are going wrong in every country at once don't help. So i hope you guys are all as safe as you can be, and as healthy as you can be.
I also know that for many of you, this is back to school time, and that is stressful any year, but with the added stress of hey, maybe i'm going to die because corona is roaming around and it feels like nobody cares about us because they just send us back to school without caring, well, september can be devastating. I just hope all of you have someone to talk to, someone to lean on. Regardless of how you feel, I hope you're supported and i hope you're doing good.
To give you some updates on my life, well, the TLDR of it is that i'm not doing good (who knew spending so much time on quarantine in the same room you tried to off yourself would be so bad oops) and that i asked to go back to a psych hospital before my mental health took a turn for the dead. That's the gist of it, and that's why i haven't been posting.
Now for the kicker : i don't think I ever will be posting again. There's no comeback story for Allie this time. There's no instagram, no tik tok, no nothing. I'd apologize but i need to prioritize my mental health, and i need space and time and help, and I can't do that if i'm stretching myself across the internet.
I've been allowed on the computer this morning, and as I'm writing this there's a nurse sitting next to me. (her name is Amélie and she's super nice. Sometimes she gets me extra snacks when i have bad days.) I've checked youtube briefly and discovered some of my inside of aldc vids have been blocked and some needed to be put on public because for some reason they weren't. I've also checked aldc soleil and have read your comments and now i'm posting this.
I want to thank all of you for your messages. I want to say I'll respond to them but let's be honest i probably won't have the time/the courage to. If at any point you'd like some news, you can ask emma (thewoodsaldc) or Isabelle (izzysoph). They have my email adress and i keep in touch with them from time to time. That being said, my mom reads all the emails i receive and she gives them to me when she sees me. So if you need to, you can send me an email there (chasingaldc@gmail.com). But please know i respond very sporadically, so it might be a while before you hear from me.
There's an exercise they make me do here that I think could help some of you.
Because I have suicidal tendencies, the doctors have told me that, everytime I get one of those thoughts, I need to say something I like/something I'm thankful for/something I'm excited about out loud. It's quite unsettling at first (when there's silence and all of a sudden the girl with scars all up her arms says « I would miss my dog if I were gone » it makes everyone very uncomfortable for a hot second at first) but then it creats a sort of atmosphere of yeah, there's so much shitty things but there's also so many great things. Little or big, these things are what make us move forward.
Here are mine :
1. I'm thankful for all the people who send me comments on yt (even though i see them months later)
2. I'm thankful for the people who come to visit me in hospital.
3. I'm looking forward to telling Isabelle and Emma i'm better and i'm going home.
4. Every two or three weeks, my brother sneaks in my cat or my dog and i get to hug them.
5. every tuesday we watch old movies and we get to heckle
6. Sombody sent me an email telling me they miss my writing and could I please send them a copy of a fanfiction i wrote years ago
7. i've gained a few pounds since i'm at the hospital. You can no longer see my ribs through my chest.
8. My parents purchased me three plane tickets for Seoul next april. So my mom, my best friend and i will be in Korea next year (corona better watch it)
That's only part of the list, but it's still good. So instead of commenting that you miss the channel or anything else, just comment about one simple thing you're happy about. That makes you feel warm and tingly. That makes you excited about the year to come.
I hope you're all okay. You deserve to be okay.
Love, Allie
Hi guys:)
first up, i really hope all of you are doing okay. Corona has turned this into a hell of a year everywhere, and all the other things that are going wrong in every country at once don't help. So i hope you guys are all as safe as you can be, and as healthy as you can be.
I also know that for many of you, this is back to school time, and that is stressful any year, but with the added stress of hey, maybe i'm going to die because corona is roaming around and it feels like nobody cares about us because they just send us back to school without caring, well, september can be devastating. I just hope all of you have someone to talk to, someone to lean on. Regardless of how you feel, I hope you're supported and i hope you're doing good.
To give you some updates on my life, well, the TLDR of it is that i'm not doing good (who knew spending so much time on quarantine in the same room you tried to off yourself would be so bad oops) and that i asked to go back to a psych hospital before my mental health took a turn for the dead. That's the gist of it, and that's why i haven't been posting.
Now for the kicker : i don't think I ever will be posting again. There's no comeback story for Allie this time. There's no instagram, no tik tok, no nothing. I'd apologize but i need to prioritize my mental health, and i need space and time and help, and I can't do that if i'm stretching myself across the internet.
I've been allowed on the computer this morning, and as I'm writing this there's a nurse sitting next to me. (her name is Amélie and she's super nice. Sometimes she gets me extra snacks when i have bad days.) I've checked youtube briefly and discovered some of my inside of aldc vids have been blocked and some needed to be put on public because for some reason they weren't. I've also checked aldc soleil and have read your comments and now i'm posting this.
I want to thank all of you for your messages. I want to say I'll respond to them but let's be honest i probably won't have the time/the courage to. If at any point you'd like some news, you can ask emma (thewoodsaldc) or Isabelle (izzysoph). They have my email adress and i keep in touch with them from time to time. That being said, my mom reads all the emails i receive and she gives them to me when she sees me. So if you need to, you can send me an email there (chasingaldc@gmail.com). But please know i respond very sporadically, so it might be a while before you hear from me.
There's an exercise they make me do here that I think could help some of you.
Because I have suicidal tendencies, the doctors have told me that, everytime I get one of those thoughts, I need to say something I like/something I'm thankful for/something I'm excited about out loud. It's quite unsettling at first (when there's silence and all of a sudden the girl with scars all up her arms says « I would miss my dog if I were gone » it makes everyone very uncomfortable for a hot second at first) but then it creats a sort of atmosphere of yeah, there's so much shitty things but there's also so many great things. Little or big, these things are what make us move forward.
Here are mine :
1. I'm thankful for all the people who send me comments on yt (even though i see them months later)
2. I'm thankful for the people who come to visit me in hospital.
3. I'm looking forward to telling Isabelle and Emma i'm better and i'm going home.
4. Every two or three weeks, my brother sneaks in my cat or my dog and i get to hug them.
5. every tuesday we watch old movies and we get to heckle
6. Sombody sent me an email telling me they miss my writing and could I please send them a copy of a fanfiction i wrote years ago
7. i've gained a few pounds since i'm at the hospital. You can no longer see my ribs through my chest.
8. My parents purchased me three plane tickets for Seoul next april. So my mom, my best friend and i will be in Korea next year (corona better watch it)
That's only part of the list, but it's still good. So instead of commenting that you miss the channel or anything else, just comment about one simple thing you're happy about. That makes you feel warm and tingly. That makes you excited about the year to come.
I hope you're all okay. You deserve to be okay.
Love, Allie
