Uploaded April 2017 | Updated September 2026, 1 day ago

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Subtitles:

I’m through with standing front line with players that never push in
It’s like I’m queuing with no tank and I’m never gonna win
This match hasn’t turned out
Quite the way I want it to be.

I want a good pharah that’s wrecking all the tanks,
And if I heal you guys, I just want a thanks
But obviously if you’re playing support,
Please don’t switch to Mcree (or whatever hero)

I want a mercy that can turn on the enemy tracer
So she misses the pulse bomb and I can disgrace her
And a terrible Winston
So I can charge my ult for free

I want to be like Seagull without the handshake,
Or maybe like Taimou on the Widowmaker
And if I’m a nanoboosted Roadhog,
Ana please pocket me.

I’m gonna stop working
To play this game.
I’m gonna own those guys
That called me names.

‘Cause we all jut wanna reach grandmaster
Carry the whole team, and get 4 golds.
The kills come easy, I’ve got points on swole,
And I’ll pick last ‘cause I can play any role

And we will sign for the coolest teams,
Playing DPS with IDDQD.
Every cute Korean fangirl is gonna want my D,
And my mom finally won’t be disappointed in me

Well, hey, hey, I wanna reach grandmaster.
Hey, hey, I wanna reach grandmaster.

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Here's more Jeff Kaplan randomness for you to enjoy.
► Jeff's first stream: youtube.com/watch?v=kcrPjmJeHEw
► Jeff's second stream: youtube.com/watch?v=ZydlTL-7ITw
► Covering Never Gonna Give You Up: youtube.com/watch?v=8XVFQ3OiMK8
► Covering All Star: youtube.com/watch?v=Ep7_UWXD-WA

Other Overwatch stupidness
► You reposted in the wrong science lab: youtube.com/watch?v=-RuzQ-JYCxI&t=4s
► Lolz compilation:
youtube.com/watch?v=OFLqJijvt4Y&t=69s

Credits:
► Original song "Rockstar" by Nickelback.

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Thanks everybody!