Uploaded June 2015 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago
A studio track from 1994 about how people don’t like to think they’ve done bad things. From my first CD ever, the 7-song “Some Assembly Required” recorded on 2-inch tape at a Trackwork Orange in Chicago. John Goodman (not the one from Roseanne) on drums, me on everything else. The 7 songs from this EP were later re-released on my 1995 CD “Don’t Crowd the Plow.”
•I know I probably used the word “dictum” incorrectly, but it was such a nice rhyme.
•I’m playing an acoustic/electric guitar plugged into a Fender amp so, yeah, super twangy.
•for full song notes, check out my site: robprocks.com/?p=1407
Here are the lyrics (that are also on screen):
It’s not my fault I killed my dad
He was really mean
It’s not my fault I’m a flasher
I was shunned as a teen
It’s not my fault I tried to kill myself
With a sleeping pill feast
The Devil made me do it
Or was it Judas Priest?
It’s not my fault’s a handy criminal dictum
I know I killed 12 orphans
but I’m really the victim
So I went on an 8-state killing spree
Why is everybody pointing fingers at me?
It’s not my fault
(my fault, it’s not my fault)
It’s not my fault I drove home drunk and I crashed my car
There should have been a warning sign
Up at the bar
It’s not my fault I’m a moron
What can I do
There’s gotta be somebody I can sue
It’s not my fault’s a defense anyone can build
If you get busted for murder
Blame the guy you killed
I’d take the wrap if it were up to me
But the culprit is the dog that died when I was three
It’s not my fault
(my fault, it’s not my fault)
A studio track from 1994 about how people don’t like to think they’ve done bad things. From my first CD ever, the 7-song “Some Assembly Required” recorded on 2-inch tape at a Trackwork Orange in Chicago. John Goodman (not the one from Roseanne) on drums, me on everything else. The 7 songs from this EP were later re-released on my 1995 CD “Don’t Crowd the Plow.”
•I know I probably used the word “dictum” incorrectly, but it was such a nice rhyme.
•I’m playing an acoustic/electric guitar plugged into a Fender amp so, yeah, super twangy.
•for full song notes, check out my site: robprocks.com/?p=1407
Here are the lyrics (that are also on screen):
It’s not my fault I killed my dad
He was really mean
It’s not my fault I’m a flasher
I was shunned as a teen
It’s not my fault I tried to kill myself
With a sleeping pill feast
The Devil made me do it
Or was it Judas Priest?
It’s not my fault’s a handy criminal dictum
I know I killed 12 orphans
but I’m really the victim
So I went on an 8-state killing spree
Why is everybody pointing fingers at me?
It’s not my fault
(my fault, it’s not my fault)
It’s not my fault I drove home drunk and I crashed my car
There should have been a warning sign
Up at the bar
It’s not my fault I’m a moron
What can I do
There’s gotta be somebody I can sue
It’s not my fault’s a defense anyone can build
If you get busted for murder
Blame the guy you killed
I’d take the wrap if it were up to me
But the culprit is the dog that died when I was three
It’s not my fault
(my fault, it’s not my fault)
![Insurance That Covers Fury Road! [52 Sellout Week 26]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/biOIjIMPI-Q/mqdefault.jpg "Insurance That Covers Fury Road! [52 Sellout Week 26]
Life in the Wasteland is complicated, especially when your insurance company tries to weasel out of covering your battle damage.")
![Brad Paisley & Rachel Platten love insurance, and so do I! [52Sellout Week 36]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ca7X_--hiPg/mqdefault.jpg "Brad Paisley & Rachel Platten love insurance, and so do I! [52Sellout Week 36]
Brad Paisley and Rachel Platten love to just sit around the house writing songs about insurance, and since they’re big time stars I figure I should do it too! I think I might even be better at appealing to the folksy folks too, when I put my mind to it…")
![Driving With Grandpa—[Live Album Official Lyric Video]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/cp60QWB8oA4/mqdefault.jpg "Driving With Grandpa—[Live Album Official Lyric Video]
I wanted to write a Beach Boys-style song that I could have related to when I was 10-years-old, and this is what I came up with :P
From my new live album “Rob P. Rocks A Jazz Club” available on iTunes, Spotify, bandcamp, and all of your fave digital music outlets! (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/rob-p-rocks-a-jazz-club-live/1449305498)
Here are the song lyrics:
Grandpa hasn’t gotten new glasses in years
(wop, wop, wah-ooo, wop wop)
Now driving with him is one of my greatest fears
(wop, wop, wah-ooh)
He’s yelling at the other drivers like he’s insane
I’m in the back seat praying and praying
Cuz I’m the only one who knows we’re in the wrong lane
Driving with Grandpa,
gives me heart palpitations
Driving with Grandpa,
it’s all moving violations
Driving with Grandpa,
I wanna make it home tonight
A ride with Grandpa always fills me with stress
(wop, wop, wah-ooh)
Cuz he stops traffic to yell at the GPS
(wop, wop, wah-ooh)
The right directions it won’t show
We asked three people, nobody knows
Cuz the place we’re going closed 8 years ago
Riding with Grandpa,
ooh-wee-ooh
Riding with Grandpa,
ooh-wee-ooh
Riding with Grandpa,
wee-ooh-wee-ohh
Pull over! Pull over!
Thank you, officer! I’m blinking Morse Code to you so you can rescue me!")
![Dial Up Days [album version]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/cy88YByNCM0/mqdefault.jpg "Dial Up Days [album version]
A ragtime song about the early days of the internet, when it was something you had to access over a phone line while sitting at a desk. It may seem quaint and even a little ridiculous now but, as the song says, at least we could turn it off.
From the album Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong by Rob Paravonian (http://robprocks.com, http://twitter.com/robprocks, http://fb.com/robprocks)
Here are the lyrics:
There was a time when going on line
Was something few people could do
You needed a computer and a telephone
A modem and an ISP too
You paid for your hours and there wasnt much power
And at home was where you had to stay
Cause you could only make a call
when you were plugged in a wall
Back in the dial-up days
And not only that, to comment or chat
You had to find a Usenet feed
Special software was needed if you wanted to read it
And access was not guaranteed
There was always a lag cause servers would drag
So flame wars took so long to blaze
If you were an online jerk
You had to put in the work
Back in the dial-up days
Oh, it was aggravating to disable call waiting
So you wouldnt get kicked off line
And heaven forbid you traveled out of town
Where a local access number was impossible to find
Then theyd initiate a new software update
And the progress bar would make your eyes glaze
It took forever to download em
With your 56k modem
Back in the dial-up days
Sometimes you couldnt get through and video barely moved
Back in the dial-up days
You may giggle and scoff, at least we could turn it off
Back in the dial-up, where everything took a while, but
Those were the dial-up days.")
![Dial Up Days [Live]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/d4WoLVc_I9c/mqdefault.jpg "Dial Up Days [Live]
A live version of my ragtime song about the early days of the internet. Recorded at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, CA at the B.O.R.E.D. Tour show in June 2013.")
![Celebrate 420 with Colorado Buds & Duds! [52 Sellout Week 16]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/e4zG6PqffOI/mqdefault.jpg "Celebrate 420 with Colorado Buds & Duds! [52 Sellout Week 16]
The folks at Colorado Buds & Duds want to be your 420 HQ so they put this ad together with jam band music and specials to celebrate everyone’s favorite unofficial holiday!
For this week’s music I put together a jam band kind of groove with a couple of guitars, some bass guitar and drums doing a few tight accents here and there, and then an electric guitar noodling endlessly over the whole thing. It was fun to do a piece that’s a bit longer than the other ones, but at under 3 minutes it’s still WAY too short for the jam band genre.")
