Sawnah | It still hurts [ 7.10.2011 ] @Sawnahhh | Uploaded 5 years ago | Updated 2 days ago
It's that day of the year again, the hardest day for me to bear. 8 years ago today I lost my son, and I still think about him every day.

I miss my angel, and I wonder what he'd be like today. We probably would have held his birthday party either this weekend or the previous one, and had all of his friends over for cake. Right now he would've already left for school hours ago, and I'd probably be at work like a normal, healthy person. Instead I am still in crippling depression, barely getting by with normal every day tasks and chores, and still in school. I'll probably never become anything worthwhile, and that terrifies me. I'll probably never have another child, and while that thought has been crushing me for years, I am finally starting to be okay with it. It's become my reality, the thing I most feared as a teenager.
I've found happiness in my nieces and nephews, and my god-son who is an absolute gem. I get to watch them grow up and become the people they are meant to be. And I have my cats, my little daughters, who bring me so much joy and comfort.

I want to thank Kira for introducing this anime to me. Dororo is truly a masterpiece, and I was sucked in from the very first scene due to my own past. In this video, the mother loses her son, and is unable to fully love her second son as much as he deserves because of her loss. I never got a second son, so that part isn't personal in the video, but I still wanted and needed to include Tahomaru in the story.

I will probably write some more later, or post a massive rant on Facebook again, but for now this is all I can do.