Interview With The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of Fast Five @TheOnion

Interview With The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of Fast Five @TheOnion

Uploaded August 2026 | Updated September 2026, 3 weeks ago

Become an Onion member while it's still optional: membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001geULHAA2

Interview With The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of Fast Five

Report Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence

A Very Fatal Murder Season 2, Episode 6: A Very Fair Trial

Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident

ACLU Explains How Some Of Funds Raised Will Defend Rights Of Weirdos To Have Sex With Trees

Aging Senator Explains That Young People Should Get Involved In Politics Because Shes Out Of Here

Internet Outage Forces People To Take Their Inane Opinions To The Streets

Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried Black Adult

Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings

Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

Distract From Your Many Visible Flaws. Become A Member. Get A Paper. Plus A Tote.

Meat Prices Skyrocket After Cow Smashing Machine Gets All Beefed Up

Interview With The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of "Fast Five"